tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-26255314045892262022024-03-13T20:35:58.254+01:00My submissive journey"True strength lies in submission which permits one to dedicate his life,through devotion, to something beyond himself."
<br>- Henry MillerAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.comBlogger395125truetag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-27811390069539689372014-07-27T01:11:00.000+02:002014-07-27T01:11:41.058+02:00The REAL rundownI wrote a post recently called <a href="http://newtothislife07-mysubmissivejourney.blogspot.se/2014/07/a-run-down.html">A rundown</a>, only it ended up not really running anything down at all! As I wrote then, I checked out <a href="http://keepasub.blogspot.com/" target="_blank">Brutus' blog</a> and got thrown off my game...<br />
<br />
I don't really know <b>why</b> it threw me off my game to be honest, I just know I felt like I'd been smacked in the face. And the fact that I reacted like that was, I think, what threw me off the most.<br />
Nothing written there was news to me, apart from the fact that he <b>had</b> written there. I guess that's it, I didn't expect it. I didn't expect it <span style="font-size: x-small;">(the blog)</span> to look different, and I didn't expect him to have written anything. After all, last time I asked he said he hadn't. Don't get me wrong, I'm not upset with him or anything, I was just taken by surprise - and I don't do surprises well, not well at all <span style="font-size: x-small;">(this however he should know...)</span>.<br />
<br />
<br />
So.....what <i>is</i> the REAL rundown?<br />
I barely know myself.... But let's do some backtracking together and find out!<br />
That I started studying is kinda where I left off, right? Well, I can say it went well for the most part! The last two modules I didn't do, and the two before that went.... so-so, I guess it's kinda where I started derailing.<br />
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcShKsbdITZF9rx3KnEDYQ-RcEvi5VAu_Uburic-Q-Eufl0-7giA" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><br /></a>
<br />
A lot has happened in my private life, i.e. things that don't have anything to do with TTWD. My daughter primarily. I needed to shift my focus on her and things concerning my everyday life, so to speak. It's of course not the sole reason for me and Brutus' breaking up, but it was the deciding factor for me.<br />
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcShKsbdITZF9rx3KnEDYQ-RcEvi5VAu_Uburic-Q-Eufl0-7giA" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img alt="direction signs" border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcShKsbdITZF9rx3KnEDYQ-RcEvi5VAu_Uburic-Q-Eufl0-7giA" title="" /></a>Anyone that has read either of our blogs know that we had problems, or rather issues I'd say, and they were issues of the kind that I don't think that you can just solve. Because as opposed to problems, issues don't always have a solution that will fix it.<br />
For us, as many others, the issue was that we changed.<br />
<i>I</i> changed, <i>he</i> changed, the <i>dynamic</i> changed, our<i> relationship</i> changed, <i>life</i> changed.... and they didn't all change in the same <b>direction</b>.<br />
Common enough I suppose. Even more so in LDR:s I'd guess, although I don't think the LDR was an actual problem for us, not really -apart from maybe the transitions between being together and not being together. This is also when we had our hardest times, both emotionally and in a D/s context, although the D/s context had it's own issues also when we were together. So what do I think was the main problem? I think we<b> fell out of sync</b>. It might sound like simplifying it too much, but I think that's the core of it all. We fell out of sync, and in doing so we couldn't meet eachothers' needs in the right time and way. I think that we did our best and....it simply didn't work out.<br />
For me, taking the decision <i>to even make a decision</i> was a big one! I am known for <i>"sticking it out"</i> and <i>"never giving up"</i> - we <u>both</u> are! And that is actually the reason that I forced myself to sit down and do some soulsearching - I wanted to do what would be best for everyone in the long run. Not just me, or him, and not just for the short term, but for the long haul. And if there is something I have learned it's that not giving up just for the sake of not giving up leads to worse results than facing the facts and making the best of it ever will. And in hanging on to things for something they <i>used to be</i>, you miss out, not just on new things, but also things you already have but will then lose entirely instead by ruining them. My decision caused me loss, it caused Brutus loss, but it didn't cause us to lose all. So for that alone I think I made the right choice. Not the one I wanted or thought was easiest, but the one I thought was <b><i>right</i></b>. I have realized something <span style="font-size: x-small;">(call it growing up if you like </span><i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">*laughs*</span></i><span style="font-size: x-small;">)</span> - things that cost as much as they give cost too much. Even if they are dear to you, even if you value what it gives highly, if the balance sheet don't workout then it costs <b>too much</b>, especially if the "cost" comes out of another pocket than just simpel effort.<br />
<br />
I'm rambling again, sorry.<br />
<br />
What I'm trying to say is that sometimes you have to look at the bigger picture and make decisions, not based on what you want, but on what is right -and <i>hopefully</i> right for as much/many as possible.<br />
That's what I think I did, at least it's what I tried to do. I still think my decision was the right one, I'm not sure what exactly Brutus thinks. I know it's not the decision he wanted me to make, nor one that he wanted to make for himself, although I think he might have come to the same conclusion himself if I hadn't first.<br />
We are still friends, and for that I am very happy!<br />
I would've respected it if he had felt that he couldn't be just friends, it's not an easy thing to do, but he said he would try and so he has -and then some! I hope we can keep it up, he is and always have been important to me. He has helped me a lot in many facets of life, not just in TTWD, and regardless of the outcome, I loved him as both partner and Sir. And friend, and that I still do.<br />
My private life is still in chaos - dunno if that will ever stop! But.... overall, I'm doing OK. I've changed here too. My outlook is different. I still get caught in the same traps, often get the same results, but the way I pick myself up from them has changed. I look at myself differently, I look at life differently, I... I've come to find acceptance of things. Not accepting the negative aspects themselves, but accepting that they are there and they are what they are and...well, and you just gotta make the best of it, and why not enjoy it at the same time? Outlook makes a HUGE difference! Not the program, the attitude - the program is just necessary evil :P<span style="font-size: x-small;"> (sorry, the nerd had to get out sooner or later! <i>Hihi</i>)</span><br />
<br />
OK, so dunno if I have actually managed a "rundown" at all, but it should be better than the first try at least <i>;)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-55631313851825345452014-07-26T20:01:00.001+02:002014-07-26T23:25:58.670+02:00WHO am I? WHAT am I? And WHERE the hell am I going?<u><b>First</b> question;</u> <i>obvious but with no obvious answer!</i><br />
<u><b>Second</b> question;</u> <i>I.... I really don't know anymore....</i><br />
<u><b>Third</b> question;</u> <i>I haven't got the faintest idea!</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTaN_6q86UTNnLahdSv69mLDt3fgfjjOiGvYfD3EVrtnEFdCYUU" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTaN_6q86UTNnLahdSv69mLDt3fgfjjOiGvYfD3EVrtnEFdCYUU" width="193" /></a></div>
A lot has changed. A lot haven't. I have moved forward, I have moved back. I have succeeded, I have failed. Two steps forward, three steps back. Three steps forward, two steps back. And that's how it cycles. Round round it goes - whether you like it or not!<br />
<br />
These questions I think remain throughout life, and the answers are not solid, they are dynamic and changes over time, what the question is really about is, <i>what is the answer <b>RIGHT NOW?</b></i><br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: right;">
On that I will work to find out...</div>
<div style="text-align: right;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQEvQsICafe0TgWMtB2fzyDNkFpu3ZPaZqof_WTqbrrMENX8NUL8A" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQEvQsICafe0TgWMtB2fzyDNkFpu3ZPaZqof_WTqbrrMENX8NUL8A" /></a></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-73538610346889811712014-07-26T19:36:00.004+02:002014-07-26T23:21:39.228+02:00A run down<br />
So.... A year is a long time huh? I kinda just disappeared - sorry for that! *looks apologetic* <br />
<br />
<br />
I'm not sure what i was gonna write here...but after writing that first sentence I went to Brutus' blog....and my reaction to what I found there....surprises me. It will proably change this post from what it might otherwise have become - not saying that is a bad thing.<br />
<br />
<a href="http://mediacdn.snorgcontent.com/media/catalog/product/a/l/alongtimeagoblack_fullpic.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://mediacdn.snorgcontent.com/media/catalog/product/a/l/alongtimeagoblack_fullpic.jpg" height="232" width="320" /></a>The good thing about it is that it means, some of you at least, know the status of our relationship. I know he didn't give much details about it, more than saying that it was I that ended it. Which I can confirm - but I want to show him the same consideration that he has shown me, so I will not go in to details before I know what his position is on things.<br />
But it was indeed I that ended things, not done lightly I might add! But I think it was what was best for both of us - I still do!<br />
We are still present in each others' lives (in fact I've just spent a week with him!), just in a different capacity.<br />
<br />
Most of you know what I am like, so I don't dare promise anything in regards of this blog, but I would lie if I said I haven't missed some of you and Bloggerland!<br />
<br />
For now though, I'm gonna finish my glass of wine and consider what on earth.... well, let's say I'm surprised I can still surprise myself! <i>hahaha</i><br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-50155610989594354742014-07-26T18:09:00.002+02:002014-07-26T23:14:27.425+02:00Still here?!Wow, it's still here!<br />
I thought this blog would've been deleted by Blogger by now - but soo glad it haven't! Lots have happened, as I'm sure it has for most ppl in this amount of time! I'm not going to write about that now though, I'm just glad i finally checked it out and pleased to see it's still here! I might write again though, if anyone still gets updates from it =P<br />
<br />
And I think I might do some reading here myself! haha<br />
<br />
Cheerio for now - hope everyone is good!<br />
<br />
Lotsa luv xxx<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-32288937756328769592013-05-17T00:06:00.000+02:002013-05-17T00:06:10.964+02:00QuickieOn my way to bed so this will be a really quick one (sorry to disappoint your dirty minds! No such luck!).<br />
<br />
Tomorrow i sit my first exam. Programming. i don't have a habit of being nervous but have to admit i am a bit. My studies have not been the best organized. i may have gotten top grades on everything -it's just i dunno <b>how</b> i've worked it!!<br />
<br />
Well, around 2pm tomorrow my time (UCT+1) maybe you could send me some good vibes?<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://media.internaldrive.com/uploads/2011/07/img_screenshot_idpa_java.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img alt="iD Programming Academy - Advanced Programming for the Java AP Exam" border="0" height="195" src="http://media.internaldrive.com/uploads/2011/07/img_screenshot_idpa_java.jpg" width="640" /></a></div>
<b><br /></b>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="color: #274e13;">WISH ME LUCK -I'M GONNA NEED IT!</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><br /></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-48811350310852349672013-05-10T13:55:00.000+02:002013-05-10T13:55:23.856+02:00Hiya!<i><span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span></i>
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Miss me?</span></i><br />
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTvmW_k0aZX36IrnKPrw1-0HpppzcTgOByKO7gOrANe2IG8CGPea0xFaR6T2S5aZso3SXhAvEanOBRLz13G5_IKrYaBdn1UfmVXK00ikTHkYJSfU6RH05liW79lBi6mCLWB1OqLbfvILk/s1600/drowning_in_paperwork.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="400" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiTvmW_k0aZX36IrnKPrw1-0HpppzcTgOByKO7gOrANe2IG8CGPea0xFaR6T2S5aZso3SXhAvEanOBRLz13G5_IKrYaBdn1UfmVXK00ikTHkYJSfU6RH05liW79lBi6mCLWB1OqLbfvILk/s400/drowning_in_paperwork.jpg" width="265" /></a>Sorry i've been MIA again! As Sir wrote in his blog yesterday i am drowning in school work. Still am, so yes this post might effectively be a tiny bit of a procrastination technique -a good and well needed one though!<br />
I can proudly announce that so far i have gotten <b>top marks</b> on every single assignment (14 of them, first 2 were just activation assignments though where you presented yourself and such). But yeah kinda proud of that, especially since i haven't even got a clue how i solved the last 3 programming assignments! o.O But i did, so i must know something at least! *lol*<br />
Final exams are next weekend and i'm feeling just a teenyweeny bit pressured. So what do i do? Instead of doing all that cramming i've scheduled in, i do...other stuff. It's been really nice weather though, which i've mostly missed out on due to studying, i might actually take my book out and sit in the sun with it. The stuff i need the computer for i can do later.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
So that's it, for the RL part. So how about me and Brutus?<br />
Well, i'd say that in general we have improved a lot (not that i let that show last night in any way. <i>Sorry Sir!</i>).<br />
Last time we were together i really tried to be submissive. I find it very difficult to mix Vanilla and D/s though, so the vanilla time of our travels were mostly that i'd say. Once back home though i really really tried. I think more than Sir even realized, or noticed. We did pretty well though i have to say. If it was simply for the fact that i wasn't being a bitch like the previous two times, or if it was due to more than that i am unsure of. However i really felt a need to be Dominated and an urge to be submissive. I wouldn't say i got quite to the point where i want to be but it was a vast improvement from later times.<br />
Now there are big changes on the horizon once again, ones i know will set our dynamic to the test for sure! Like trips to IKEA and such <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">= P</span></i> (<span style="font-size: x-small;">that includes more than a bit of browsing and getting a thing or two</span>).<br />
<br />
Yeah IKEA and my studies will be my downfall for sure <b><span style="font-size: x-small;">*lol*</span></b>.<br />
Although by the time i see Sir next time these two modules will be finished and i'll be on a break (<b><span style="font-size: xx-small;">*knocks on wood and prays that there will be no unwanted interference by certain authorities*</span></b>)<br />
<br />
Then when i return part two of the programming will start! <b><span style="font-size: x-small;">*gulp*</span></b> This has made me realize one thing: i really need to do some math! My math "skills" don't even reach high school standards <b><span style="font-size: x-small;">*blush*</span></b>, and the math is getting ever more complicated <b> : /</b> The computer tech will be all done and dusted (<span style="font-size: x-small;">which is the other module i am doing right now</span>), and the new one will be Webdevelopment <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">= D</span></i><br />
<br />
OK, enough rambling and procrastination from my side now i guess!<br />
<br />
<br />
<img height="476" src="http://davewalkercartoons.com/wp-content/uploads/2012/03/procrastination-large-e1331292437432.gif" width="640" /><br />
<br />
<br />
But hmm...<i> should eat something.......</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<i><span style="font-size: xx-small;">*winks*</span></i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<i><br /></i>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-71697657501333865352013-03-06T21:01:00.002+01:002013-03-06T21:01:27.413+01:00I'm IN!<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSwF_tMZiyzriWN3epATahGwFdqNDR0eehEMUsAuB318tHfPOUgLA" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSwF_tMZiyzriWN3epATahGwFdqNDR0eehEMUsAuB318tHfPOUgLA" /></a><br />
<br />
<b><div style="text-align: center;">
<b><i><span style="font-family: Courier New, Courier, monospace; font-size: x-large;">Yay i got in!!</span></i></b></div>
</b><br />
<br />
Yep, March 18th i get my geek-hat on and start to study to become a Programmer *grins*<br />
<br />
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT6UocOBSp-lLqLjqmywURwzdsRvM3VTMR1uTew0XEYFWuL-bWumg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" height="149" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT6UocOBSp-lLqLjqmywURwzdsRvM3VTMR1uTew0XEYFWuL-bWumg" width="200" /></a><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
And today i was on a seminar that Adobe held here in Stockholm, about Adobe Creative Cloud -was soooo kewl! Just to sound a bit extra geeky =P<br />
<br />
<i>But then again...</i><br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSotAF8t6IAOH8U1d3W085f_5Sy3TwQkc4ir8S6ZHJbbPMEHg8m" /><br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com8tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-25707118719120031382013-03-02T16:07:00.000+01:002013-03-02T22:20:08.044+01:00Revolutionor rather much needed EVOLUTION!<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://wpuploads-1.kink-network.com/files/691/2013/02/FdbYJ0M4g9EIpdvy2jB7A7p8dIUe.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="204" src="http://wpuploads-1.kink-network.com/files/691/2013/02/FdbYJ0M4g9EIpdvy2jB7A7p8dIUe.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
I think most of you have seen my link to the very good site for submissives called <a href="http://submissiveguide.com/" target="_blank">Submissive Guide</a> that i have at the bottom of the blog. Yes? Well now there's a newcomer - <a href="http://dominantguide.com/" target="_blank">Dominant Guide</a>!<br />
Finally! That's my take on it! I just hope it will become as widespread and acknowledged as SG is.<br />
Please go and check it out -even if you are a submissive! I think just as submissive guide can be helpful to Dominants, this can be to submissives too -it never hurts seeing a coin from all sides!<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-80615690846541983612013-02-26T16:40:00.000+01:002013-02-26T16:40:03.802+01:00Gag needed!<br />
<br />
<br />
<hgroup style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 10px;"><h2 style="font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 28px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 28px; margin: 5px 0px 14px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
Scorpio <small style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: italic;">(Oct 23 – Nov 21)</small></h2>
<h3 style="font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -0.03em; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
Tuesday, Feb 26th, 2013</h3>
</hgroup><ul class="which-date" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; height: 20px; line-height: 21px; list-style: none !important; margin: 0px 0px 15px !important; padding: 0px;">
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 yesterday" data-which="yesterday" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-02-25" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">YESTERDAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 today active" data-which="today" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-02-26" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; -webkit-transition: all 0.2s ease-in; background-color: #8a8988; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(138, 137, 136) 0%, rgb(168, 168, 166) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; color: #006699; cursor: default; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px 5px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 75px;">TODAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 tomorrow" data-which="tomorrow" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-02-27" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: none; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">TOMORROW</a></li>
</ul>
<div class="horoscope-copy">
<div style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
Be careful about what you say today because your current words inspire others to action -- even if that isn't your original intention. Ironically, you don't know how to convince anyone to join in your cause, mostly because you are so emotionally involved with the outcome that it's tough to be objective. Step back and give everyone a bit of breathing room. Then reassess your tactics before climbing back onto your soapbox and starting in on the same message again.</div>
<div style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>Where's that gag?! Oh yeah, it's at Sir's place, dang!</i></b></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-24215706759866888112013-02-17T14:22:00.002+01:002013-02-17T14:22:37.267+01:00Rational<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="dh-image three columns" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #333333; display: inline; float: left; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; position: relative; width: 160px;">
<a href="http://www.twittascope.com/scorpio/about-scorpio-horoscope-signs" style="color: #ac2c79; text-decoration: initial;"><img src="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/mobile-twittascope/signs/sign-8-165x208.png" style="border: none; outline: none; width: 160px;" /></a></div>
<div class="dh-copy seven columns" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; display: inline; float: left; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; position: relative; width: 400px;">
<br /><div style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<strong>Sunday, February 17, 2013</strong> - You're extremely rational today when it comes to your feelings, leading you to remain rather restrained. Ironically, you have the ability to objectively analyze your emotions now without necessarily being overwhelmed by them. A healthy dose of conscious detachment empowers you to tackle a serious issue in a positive manner. Don't waste the day with one distraction after another. Just figure out where you can make the most progress and dig in.</div>
<div style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
You guys hear that? I'm r a t i o n a l today -no, not just that i'm EXTREMELY rational even! Not bad.</div>
<div style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
*lol*</div>
<div style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-77901069157215869922013-02-16T21:29:00.002+01:002013-02-16T21:29:32.951+01:00Tip Top<br />
Kiwi's post <a href="http://kiwigirliegirl.blogspot.se/2013/02/tips-for-tops-from-bottoms-very_11.html" target="_blank">Tips for Tops from a bottom's "very recently punished" pov</a> has created a bit of a stir. Although she is the inspiration for this post this post is by no means about her and her situation specifically.<br />
<br />
The post is a bit like a list of <span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;"><i>Do's & Don't's for Doms</i></span>. These are things i have always taken for granted. If they were not in place i would not be in a D/s relationship with that person. But that is me personally.<br />
<br />
Kiwi wrote: <span style="background-color: white;"><i><span style="color: #6fa8dc;">"<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">If your bottom is sobbing her heart out begging you to stop, listen to her despite knowing the thrashing is not as hard as she can usually take…her pain tolerance right then may just be a little lower for a reason.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">Maybe she has learned her lesson quickly for a change."</span></span></i></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Pain is a complicated thing. We're affected by many things both before, after and during.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Before being the case of how we already feel emotionally just before hand. Maybe we're stressed, sad, angry, hurt or wound up. I know that for me, being any of those before hand can make me lash out at Sir. It usually calms though, and actually more often than not the end result is a calmer melinda. But i think as a Top you have to be prepared to take that without seeing it as the sub being bratty -it's an emotional and physiological response to the pain administered and the feelings that were already present before hand are often reinforced.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>My tip:</b> Give it a little while. Be mindful of what you say and do -try not to trigger your sub further by reacting to her lashing out! Instead be calm and keep your cool & wits about you. <b><i>Observe.</i></b></span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Next point i want to make from that section is that pain tolerance shifts. Our hormones have a great effect on them for instance, so where she is in her menstrual cycle can make a real difference. I know i have one point in my cycle where i tend to move more towards being a painslut, and then another where i wanna scream just by the sight of a clamp. So <b>my next tip is:</b> <i>Keep this in mind</i>. And that tip goes for both Tops & bottoms! I know i can be very hard on myself for not being able to do something that i would usually not only enjoy but even thrive on, but right then it just isn't possible. Be honest! Both with yourself and your Top.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white;"><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">And of course then comes the BIG one: </span></span></span><i><span style="background-color: white;">"If</span></i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><i> your bottom is sobbing her heart out begging you to stop, listen to her..."</i> </span><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I have two takes on this. 1) <b><i>A stop is a stop and there are no two ways about it! It means STOP!</i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">The second take comes in because some people have different types of scenes and different types of responses. For instance someone into rape play wouldn't really be able to do that if stop <i>actually</i> meant stop.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">If you know each other well enough you probably know the difference between the different "<i>stops"</i>. The other alternative is having a <b><i>safeword</i></b>. We all know what that is by now, yes?</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Personally i wouldn't say we use stop words as such.<i> If i say stop, Brutus stops</i>.<b> End of</b>. Usually though i say <i>Pause</i>. This means i need a moment to collect myself, it's becoming overwhelming and i need to catch up. It can also mean that i can't take no more of that particular activity, but not that i want to stop a scene completely.</span></span><br />
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTtVM_XKbO_wGm4GAdsyZzRpJqIrFzJQy-FXBwGyE2W80ivm-o6bA" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTtVM_XKbO_wGm4GAdsyZzRpJqIrFzJQy-FXBwGyE2W80ivm-o6bA" /></a><span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">A common way to use safewords is using the traffic light system: </span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsJSIG1NTcz36DTZSSdH2tK3L9mqsd-x_KK4JsCBSwLSET6emu8XDlmHI0F5fi_M-p2dm_mUUUCprYSGmEZ35s7EtNT22RBKVoJTaX9t9Vl2Je3VqEnrYgXQSEhCwD3dUg12YVThxmvzA/s1600/red-yellow-green-light.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjsJSIG1NTcz36DTZSSdH2tK3L9mqsd-x_KK4JsCBSwLSET6emu8XDlmHI0F5fi_M-p2dm_mUUUCprYSGmEZ35s7EtNT22RBKVoJTaX9t9Vl2Je3VqEnrYgXQSEhCwD3dUg12YVThxmvzA/s320/red-yellow-green-light.JPG" width="121" /></a><br />
<br />
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><span style="color: red;">Red</span> = <b>STOP</b> (for many Tops this would mean the end of the scene altogether)</span></span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: #f1c232;">Yellow</span> = Slow down / Pause </span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="color: lime;">Green</span> = Go (can even mean "i like it, i want more")</span><br />
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"> </span></span> The most important thing to think about here is to check in with the sub!<br />
Ask questions.<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Are you OK?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Have you had enough?</i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i>Do you need a minute?</i></div>
<br />
These questions are also good to check if the sub has gone far into sub space. If she's way into it the response may be nonsensical or you might not get any answers at all. You may even get a giggle fit or a growl in response! In this case the Top needs to make a judgement call;<i><b> is she OK to continue?</b></i> Being in space does by no means automatically mean the scene needs to stop. It just means that the Dom needs to be even more careful and take even more responsibilty for the sub's safety, because she isn't really able to herself at that time.<br />
Is she lucid though i <i>urge</i> you to take her word for it! Being doubted doesn't have a good effect either -that i can tell you from personal experience.<br />
<br />
I won't incorporate how to take care of someone after (and during) sub space as it will end up too much for the one post here.<br />
<br />
So, basically, to try to get back on track, it should never be about the <b>amount</b> of pain inflicted, but <i><b>abut the response to it!</b></i><br />
It's the <b>effect</b> and the <b>response</b> that is significant, not how hard it measures.<br />
<br />
Just a quick jump back to the safe words, since she also wrote<span style="background-color: white;"><i> "<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">Let your bottom have a “safe-word” if its ill-used then you can always punish for that.</span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;">But trust your bottom to use the privilege of a safe word correctly." </span></i></span><br />
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;">Just like many mentioned in the comments,<b><i> this is not a privilege it's a right!</i></b> Some people choose to waive that right, this is called <b>Consensual Non-Consent (CNC)</b>. People that see themselves as slaves tend to do this. This doesn't mean that your personal responsibility for your own health and safety is waived though!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="line-height: 21px;"><a href="http://www.blogger.com/profile/10327195200946342709" style="font-size: 15px;" target="_blank">Daisychain</a><span style="font-size: 15px;"> left this in her (first) comment:</span><i><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-size: x-small;">"</span></span></i></span><span style="background-color: white; line-height: 19px;"><i><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Safeword absolutely ESSENTIAL, and even if "misused" it must still be honoured by the top. Every time. Otherwise it is abuse, not ttwd."</span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Firstly, i totally agree. At least so far as to the fact that safewords must <b>ALWAYS</b> be honoured. Always. As i said not everyone uses them, but i think everyone should have <i>something</i> that indicates their status in an ongoing scene.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">When it comes to them being "misused" it gets a bit complicated. First i thought <i>can a safeword be misused?</i> I came to the conclusion that they actually can.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">A safeword is not meant to be used as a remote control -it's an emergency break. It's <b>not</b> there to control the scene, it's there to control the <u><i>safety</i></u> of the scene. Huge difference!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">An anonymous commenter wrote </span><span style="background-color: white;"><i><span style="color: #6fa8dc; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;"><span style="line-height: 19px;">"</span><span style="line-height: 19px;">I completely agree, Anonymous. Kiwigirliegirl, I hope you understand that a top cannot, under ANY circumstances, do anything to a bottom without the bottom's consent. A safeword is a right, not a privilege, and there's no such thing as misusing it. If you want something to stop, it has to stop."</span></span></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><span style="background-color: white;">Only thing i disagree with there is the </span><i style="background-color: white;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">there's no such thing as misusing a safeword</span></i><span style="background-color: white;">, as already said i believe you can. What you have to question then is What does a sub actually gain from misusing her safeword? The answer is: nothing. She loses. The Top loses out. And there's a power shift. So she has everything to lose by misusing it.</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">But that is <u>MIS</u>useing it -<b>NOT</b> by using it. In fact, using it should invoke trust from the Dom. The Top can then relax a little more feeling secure in the knowledge that by having a safeword, that is used with its intended purpose in mind, there is a much lesser chance of something going too far.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Having a safeword (or something like it) has many advantages, even more than the primary reason for them which is safety.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">I think they hold a strong psychological power to them. Now power is always a dangerous word to use when speaking of subs, it's so easy to mistake it for meaning the sub <b><i>having</i></b> power. It's not. What i mean is that the power (effect) of a safeword can make the sub <b><i>feel more secure and safe</i></b>. Not only physically but also emotionally. If we feel safer and more secure we can in return trust more. When we trust more we can often actually take more. Which should be satisfying for almost any Dom.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Being on edge because we're unsure of the Top or the implement being used makes it more difficult to focus on managing the pain. Not being able to manage the pain means a feeling of panic. And the more panic we feel the less control (of the pain and our response to it) we have. It starts a downward spiral. If this spiral goes far enough the sub can crash, emotionally and mentally.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">Fear is only good in one way, and it's the type that gives us a rush of adrenaline that we like. This type of play is common in BDSM, for example in knife- and rape play. Plain fear is nothing but harmful (at least in this context). If we fear an implement it should be introduced slowly, "nicely". <b><i>A sub should never fear her Dom</i></b>. Never! There is a huge difference in fearing an activity and fearing your Dom. And trust is absolutely necessary. Of course, trust is built up over time. This is why D/s relationships evolve so much, the more we trust, the more we dare. Remember though; trust is something that is <b><i>earned!</i></b> And<b> given</b>. Trust cannot be forced or taken. It's a process. This is even if we already know and love a person. Trusting someone in everyday Vanilla-life is not the same as trusting someone with an implement or to take charge of our lives.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: 'Cherry Cream Soda'; font-size: 14px; line-height: 19px;">And i think i will leave it at that -it became a HUGE post as it is <b><i> </i>o.O</b></span></div>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="font-size: 15px; line-height: 21px; text-align: justify;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-69192875872311320342013-02-10T00:54:00.002+01:002013-02-10T00:54:27.339+01:00...<div style="text-align: center;">
<img height="377" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRWCwTJnDd42u-p_gJvPYY86E6zrFKdbr4cbS4lObsUmsS_nkpDkA" width="400" /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-7690378709418467252013-02-09T14:56:00.004+01:002013-02-09T14:56:57.877+01:00Ramblings of mixed kindI had a bit to write about earlier, dunno how much is left of it though -in my head that is. Sorry if this gets messy.<br />
<br />
Life has truly sucked lately. MEGA-sucked.<br />
<br />
Sir and i are where we are, and even though we're moving along and making progress it takes it's toll. For awhile there it seemed like all we did was argue and fight. Quite often at the same time as i was doing the same with TB -which obviously resulted in that i got double up and in turn so did they!<br />
<br />
Add to that the fact that TB has been.... let's put it like this; she and i are usually like cat and mouse, lately it's been taken to new levels.<br />
Then i find out why she's been like exchanged over the past couple weeks; it seems she's bullied/teased at school <img alt=":(" src="http://s0.wp.com/wp-includes/images/smilies/icon_sad.gif?m=1129645325g" /><br />
<br />
On top of all this i haven't eaten any meds since before xmas and i'm kinda being... Au Naturale at the moment. (<span style="font-size: x-small;">Please don't....</span>)<br />
Sir is starting to find out what <i><b>melinda-au-naturale</b></i> is....<br />
<br />
Let's just say that his hair-trigger state is my default...<br />
<br />
It's tiring. I'm tired. So so tired.<br />
<br />
And can feel i'm starting to thread quicksand. I know what that means. Really i do. But even though i am all wound up and trigger happy, i am also calmer (<span style="font-size: x-small;">i know, i hear the contradiction there</span>) and less panicky. I don't see red and i'm not half as aggressive as i normally am. Because i'm heavy. And as heavy as it is it is also nice to not go loopy every five seconds.<br />
I know i need to do something about it. And i will. In time.<br />
Right now the most pressing matter is dealing with TB and her school matters. She loves school normally.<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQWBk8lRJIJPUHB09Un4Tf8yaiiI2tSRicpqhWpT0hBNW8Rek71nA" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="200" src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQWBk8lRJIJPUHB09Un4Tf8yaiiI2tSRicpqhWpT0hBNW8Rek71nA" width="195" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
Home is chaos. I'm chaos. But too tired to deal with it. On top of it there's all these <b>musts</b>. Must this and do that and then this and then that. And then she needs this and Sir needs that and the next one another.... And *sigh*...<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Oh yes, this is a D/s blog, maybe i should write something about that <b><span style="font-size: x-small;">*eye roll*</span></b><br />
<br />
Sir is trying hard and i know it. And i know i'm challenging him a lot -and not in the good way. I know that is bad, at the same time this is me...maybe it's just as well he finds it out so he knows it for real.<br />
<br />
Yesterday i got 10 mins corner time for not doing my dishes i had as a task. I was to stand in a corner facing the wall, naked, for ten minutes. Now i don't have any free corners in my living room (<span style="font-size: x-small;">so yes, i questioned it! <i>Shush</i>.</span>), so i was told to stand as close as possible and that would be fine (<span style="font-size: x-small;">Thank you Sir would've been a bitch to rearrange the whole living room for ten minutes sake! <i>*lol*</i></span>).<br />
During these 10 minutes i was to think about our D/s relation. I did.<br />
What did i think about then? To be honest i'm not entirely sure.<br />
I know i had the thought that maybe i am the wrong type of submissive for Sir, if we're to be crass. He never seems to have had any troubles with previous ones. If my memory serves me right they were all mainly humiliation-oriented. I'm very much the opposite (<span style="font-size: x-small;">it's actually a hard limit for me</span>). And i'm not meaning it's the humiliation itself that's the solution, more that it's something...practical. It's <b>DOING</b>, and Sir is very good at the doing stuff.<br />
I on the other hand is much more abstract. I am much more about the <i>f e e l i n g</i>. I work very much instinctively and intuitively.<br />
Like Sir the other day couldn't understand how i can be so good at pointing out what he does wrong, but not be able to tell him when he's changed something for the right. I completely understand his frustration in this btw! It's just that for me, i don't sit and think over and look at what's wrong...i just know that something isn't right. I'm feeling it. I know i'm not feeling what i want to feel, and i know i'm not responding to him like i want to respond.<br />
Then he changes something. Most often i'm not even aware of what it is, i do however feel different, and if i feel different i respond different. So i told him; <i>"but you must notice when something is working?"</i> He wants me to tell him (<span style="font-size: x-small;">Understandably so, i just don't know if i can. <b>Note</b> <i>can</i>, not </span><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">won't!</span>)</i><br />
<i><br /></i>
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRzpIuwFqXhrbK_KIAOJpEKrCL2PXl93XAhXkHDKfzNzYBior5i" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="273" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRzpIuwFqXhrbK_KIAOJpEKrCL2PXl93XAhXkHDKfzNzYBior5i" width="320" /></a>And this is one of our biggest differences i think. The fact is that i don't know what is working (<span style="font-size: x-small;">or maybe even changing</span>), i just know that my response is different. And my response is different because i feel different. It's not even something i think and do, it's a crude case of <b>cause & effect</b>. <br />
So just like i don't think about "wrongs" i don't think about the "rights". And i don't mean by choice, which i realize it may sound like, it's just that my brain don't work that way. Just like i don't sit and think about what to write; i just start and what ends up on the "paper" just ends up there as i go along. That's how my thoughts work. They are "just there", and this is why i often don't even know my own thoughts until i am actually typing them.<br />
It's not thoughts that end up in typing, it's more typing that ends up in thoughts, if that makes any sense whatsoever? Probably not.<br />
<br />
OK so back to the other submissives (<span style="font-size: x-small;">cos i know i'm gonna be nit-picked about this one</span>)....<br />
It's not that i think that Sir doesn't want me. Or even a submissive <b>like me </b>(<span style="font-size: x-small;">because i know he wants <b><i><u>me</u></i></b></span>), i'm referring to it more being his style. His natural style. I'm not. Which obviously causes challenges. And that without even counting for all the other challenges i pose!<br />
One thing to compare could be that i am sure none of his other subs has ever "argued" like i do <span style="font-size: x-small;">(i'll come back to the definition of argue later</span>). They have probably never been as honest as i am either.<br />
I know that when Sir asks or tells me something the correct reply is for the most just a simple <i>"Yes Sir"</i>. And i could do that (<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>who am i kidding?!</i> OK, in theory i could do that</span>) but i have always been honest. Let's look at it for a minute. First you have to remember that we are mostly behind a computer screen (<span style="font-size: x-small;">a non-animated non-personal one i want to add</span>), so if i say <i>"Yes Sir"</i> and nothing more that is all he will see and know. Now had i been there in person and i had said <i>"Yes Sir"</i> but not been happy about it He would notice (<span style="font-size: x-small;">hopefully</span>). Hence, i do in words what normally my body language would tell him. This is where the "arguing" comes in. In general it's not arguing, it's letting him know exactly how i think and feel about something. It doesn't only have it's downsides. If you really look at it you can also see that if i never did this, he would never know i do stuff even when i don't want to, when i don't feel like it, and even when i think he's an arse for even suggesting something (<span style="font-size: x-small;">Yes that happens! Sorry Sir...but it's me we're talking about here</span>). Thing is though-, i've <b><i>never</i></b> (<span style="font-size: x-small;">in the end</span>) refused him anything! And doing something you really don't feel like or even agree with can say a lot more about your submission, than just doing it with a nice simple submissive <i>"Yes Sir"</i> would do. But yes, it's <u>under the surface</u>. At the surface i can understand it can look argumentative or bratty. And yes, admittedly sometimes maybe i do try to change his mind with my whining about it <span style="font-size: x-small;">(i would say that the stats of me <b>t r u l y</b> wanting it at the end of the day though is about 1/1000000</span>). I'm simply honest about how i feel about it. Now if he don't actually want to hear it, "all" he has to do is tell me to shut up. I think he's coming to realize this.<br />
That it's not about bratting and it's not about changing his mind <i>really</i>, but about me just always saying what i think -<span style="font-size: x-small;">yes i know, it costs me a lot in life! But it has it's advantages too</span>.<br />
This morning he told me how he'd been at the post office, and while standing idle waiting for his turn he'd thought how much he appreciates my honesty. Now, i'm sure it's not this side of the honesty he referred to, but it's two sides to the same coin. I am always honest -sure i tell an odd white lie just like everyone else, but i don't withhold information about my feelings just because they are not what's meant to be said.<br />
So maybe you could say that,at the end of the day, my "arguing"/talking back, tells as much about my submission as it does my lack of it?<br />
<br />
Rambling much? Yep! Sorry about that. But hey, it's me....<br />
<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRTugCP_lCy5v9lL7drabEE4JiJ-wi9JbW-Eg6g45aUIziBkpFk" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Pretty sure this is more or less how my brain would look like on an X-Ray!</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-54962536329879935722013-02-07T20:26:00.001+01:002013-02-07T20:42:40.301+01:00A Post That Caught my EyeI suggest you go read it!<br />
<br />
<a href="http://www.thiadesigns.com/2013/02/rituals.html?spref=bl">Thianna D's Kinky Blog: Rituals - Building Love and Peace</a>: Yesterday I went to a Munch about an hour away and the discussion was about Rituals - those things that help remind you who you are and wha...Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-88850674524605896472013-02-04T21:12:00.000+01:002013-02-04T21:12:34.715+01:00i'm supposed to blogYeah.... i guess you read Sir's blog? Well, i know some of you did anyways.<br />
<br />
That's where we're at.<br />
<br />
<table cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="float: left; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="238" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcS1UD4MpLb6xiCqK-36b17hhWiCzO0osX9rA09_omIp8K7tq9JhAg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">my life recently</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
Today has been one of them days where i wish i could go lie in a corner and waste away into nothing. It's sucked from the moment i opened my eyes. Or that's not quite true, the evening has been surprisingly good.<br />
Today has had nothing to do with Sir and me though -it's been all about TB. And losing the headset to my less than a week old new phone. And then CBT group (Cognitive Behavioural Therapy) -which was actually surprisingly good considering how i felt today!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
But that's not really what i'm supposed to blog about i guess.<br />
<br />
<br />
Thing is....when it comes to Sir and i, i don't really know what to say.<br />
<br />
We've been in a shit place.<br />
I've acted horrendously. He's been an idiot (<span style="font-size: x-small;">sorry Sir</span>). And round the merry-go-round we go...<br />
<br />
I think we might be getting somewhere though, although i barely dare say it (<span style="font-size: x-small;">i know how i jinx myself!</span>).<br />
<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRkCOgkcnK4-oNjT6jkpZbPGF8Odo1H8PXhl0aFX3IgBDI8oRHiiw" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRkCOgkcnK4-oNjT6jkpZbPGF8Odo1H8PXhl0aFX3IgBDI8oRHiiw" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
I must say i am very happy Sir's started blogging again though! And it feels like we are slowly coming to be on the same page. Whereas for quite some time it's felt like we've been on different chapters, or even reading different books. At least different.<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
It's a start.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
A good start even.</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTXJ5Sxo4uGKYypCiuSH8BWEmLvd7MAlg5NF2M64pHD8POtZq0t" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTXJ5Sxo4uGKYypCiuSH8BWEmLvd7MAlg5NF2M64pHD8POtZq0t" /></a></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-74698911279589337932013-02-02T23:07:00.002+01:002013-02-02T23:07:22.479+01:00Whisperings in the air<a href="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQBuNAoorIwgshj252W5MdO-9JZMl-uHsmWJ1yt75lPgCKLLnznvg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQBuNAoorIwgshj252W5MdO-9JZMl-uHsmWJ1yt75lPgCKLLnznvg" /></a><br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Just thought i'd send out a little whisper that Sir has started blogging again.... i know some of you follow him as well.</span></i><br />
<br />
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-42646480640587521132013-01-27T16:10:00.003+01:002013-01-27T16:10:30.201+01:00Don't try to make sense of it yet (advice difficult to follow)<br />
<br />
<hgroup style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 10px;"><h2 style="font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 28px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 28px; margin: 5px 0px 14px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
Scorpio <small style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: italic;">(Oct 23 – Nov 21)</small></h2>
<h3 style="font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -0.03em; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
Sunday, Jan 27th, 2013</h3>
</hgroup><ul class="which-date" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; height: 20px; line-height: 21px; list-style: none !important; margin: 0px 0px 15px !important; padding: 0px;">
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 yesterday" data-which="yesterday" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-01-26" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">YESTERDAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 today active" data-which="today" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-01-27" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; -webkit-transition: all 0.2s ease-in; background-color: #8a8988; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(138, 137, 136) 0%, rgb(168, 168, 166) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; color: #006699; cursor: default; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px 5px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 75px;">TODAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 tomorrow" data-which="tomorrow" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-01-28" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">TOMORROW</a></li>
</ul>
<div class="horoscope-copy" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 10px;">
<div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
Your emotions and logic might be engaged in an internal struggle now, yet this dance between the heart and the head can be quite constructive. It is very simple; you need to practice holding two positions simultaneously. Take the leap by acknowledging that there's absolutely nothing wrong with you and that there's no immediate solution to your divergent needs. Once you reframe your world, the pressure to act one way or the other is alleviated. Your current confusion is a spiritual gift as long as you don't try to make sense of it yet.</div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;">Grrr...i hate waiting!</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-55155041491320765822013-01-26T15:00:00.005+01:002013-01-26T15:00:51.730+01:00A mixed bag of nothing<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<hgroup style="font-size: 10px;"><h2 style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 28px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 28px; margin: 5px 0px 14px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
Scorpio <small style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: italic;">(Oct 23 – Nov 21)</small></h2>
<h3 style="color: #444444; font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -0.03em; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
Saturday, Jan 26th, 2013</h3>
</hgroup><ul class="which-date" style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; height: 20px; line-height: 21px; list-style: none !important; margin: 0px 0px 15px !important; padding: 0px;">
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 yesterday" data-which="yesterday" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-01-25" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">YESTERDAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 today active" data-which="today" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-01-26" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; -webkit-transition: all 0.2s ease-in; background-color: #8a8988; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(138, 137, 136) 0%, rgb(168, 168, 166) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; color: #006699; cursor: default; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px 5px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 75px;">TODAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 tomorrow" data-which="tomorrow" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-01-27" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">TOMORROW</a></li>
</ul>
<div class="horoscope-copy" style="font-size: 10px;">
<div style="background-color: #e9e6e1; color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
Your tendency is to constrain the waves of emotional intensity today because you fear what might happen if you tell the whole truth. You may be overly concerned about losing face as the dramatic Leo Full Moon lights up your 10th House of Status. Unfortunately, practicing too much self-control can lead to frustration. Keep the pressures of your life in perspective by replacing negative blame with positive solutions. Be as honest as possible and you'll be fine.</div>
<div class="addthis" style="background-color: #e9e6e1; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; margin: 0px auto 10px; min-height: 32px; text-align: center; width: 210px;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6;">Hey being as honest as possible is what gets me in trouble is it not!?!</span></div>
<div class="addthis" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; margin: 0px auto 10px; min-height: 32px; width: 210px;">
<span style="background-color: white;"><br /></span></div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
<hgroup style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 10px;"><h2 style="font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 28px; font-weight: normal; line-height: 28px; margin: 5px 0px 14px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
Cancer <small style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 12px; font-style: italic;">(Jun 21 – Jul 22)</small></h2>
<h3 style="font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 16px; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -0.03em; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
Saturday, Jan 26th, 2013</h3>
</hgroup><ul class="which-date" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; height: 20px; line-height: 21px; list-style: none !important; margin: 0px 0px 15px !important; padding: 0px;">
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 yesterday" data-which="yesterday" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/cancer/2013-01-25" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">YESTERDAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 today active" data-which="today" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/cancer/2013-01-26" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; -webkit-transition: all 0.2s ease-in; background-color: #8a8988; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(138, 137, 136) 0%, rgb(168, 168, 166) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; color: #006699; cursor: default; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px 5px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 75px;">TODAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 tomorrow" data-which="tomorrow" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/cancer/2013-01-27" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12px; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">TOMORROW</a></li>
</ul>
<div class="horoscope-copy" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-size: 10px;">
<div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px;">
You may be clinging to unexpressed feelings today as if they are irreplaceable treasures. However, today's Leo Full Moon brightens your 2nd House of Values, suggesting you might need to share what's bothering you in order to raise your self-esteem. When emotional intensity pressurizes your subconscious, it will release one way or another. Instead of waiting for something scary to happen, taking a proactive approach alleviates the tension and disperses unnecessary doubt.</div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
I know a lot of ppl find these bullshit, and generally i just find them fun, but i tell you these ones are so damned scary close to reality it's unreal!<br />
Sir and i are in a weird place right now. I don't really wanna go into detail here, i don't think Sir would like that, but a lot is going on.<br />
If i'm not writing here it's mostly for that reason; i don't really know what to say about it.<br />
<br />
If you want to know about other aspects of my life, like training and such, you can follow my other blog:<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://melindagetsfit.wordpress.com/" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" target="_blank"><img border="0" height="83" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEi-ajK1df1S452ZxZmxewAGUFpPkX-RRt55G2fr6JFvZJ6-_DNJOVS_v_tgULdJTUY9ElO2aHvqlxCmAjZAdK-lCmeh8hUqIDNHs1MZYCh5e2vC16pGLy3p53N11n4WOXnyWmkOZfGWcOQ/s320/Capture.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">click picture to go to blog</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
that is now up and running again! And so am i for that matter! Had meeting with personal trainer yesterday and started VLCD today. Heading out for a long walk with the dog in a bit (just need to down one of those not no tasty shakes first *lol*).<br />
<br />
See you soon i hope!<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
<div>
<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-82893567141505734612013-01-21T21:58:00.004+01:002013-01-21T21:58:48.686+01:00Up and Running again!<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-size: large;">More or less literally!</span> </div>
<blockquote class="tr_bq">
http://melindagetsfit.wordpress.com/</blockquote>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<i><span style="font-size: large;">It's time to get back to this => <img src="http://2.gravatar.com/avatar/818755a0f7d8de9cacef4ecece1e5653?s=128&d=mm&r=G" /> again!</span></i></div>
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-32981096115005456122013-01-20T13:31:00.000+01:002013-01-20T13:31:01.937+01:00Todays mission<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="dh-image three columns" style="clear: both; display: inline; float: left; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; position: relative; width: 160px;">
<a href="http://www.twittascope.com/scorpio/about-scorpio-horoscope-signs" style="color: #ac2c79; text-decoration: initial;"><img src="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/mobile-twittascope/signs/sign-8-165x208.png" style="border: none; outline: none; width: 160px;" /></a></div>
<div class="dh-copy seven columns" style="display: inline; float: left; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; position: relative; width: 400px;">
<br /><div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<strong>Sunday, January 20, 2013</strong> - You might think that someone is being stubborn today just to annoy you. It feels as if everyone knows which buttons to push in order to agitate you. However, keep in mind that it's not about anyone else; the only thing that's important now is how you react. You can be more in control of your own fate as long as you practice a little self-control. Turn the tables by demonstrating your willingness to establish common ground.</div>
<div style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;">This will be the mission of the day!</span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<span style="color: #6aa84f; font-family: inherit; font-size: large;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="addthis-box" style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin: 20px 0px;">
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-18274990789670803252013-01-14T10:11:00.001+01:002013-01-14T10:21:44.364+01:00Untitled for lack of inspiration<div style="text-align: center;">
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="238" src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQD8LLgAFO-JI2KwAw3Uw1Rqy8HGIII6NRAR6Mlz4-G3lIRu-KKsg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="320" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Yep, i'm Tweety</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
</div>
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<center>
<table style="background-color: #f0f5fa; border-collapse: collapse; border-left-color: rgb(144, 182, 219); border-left-style: solid; border-left-width: 1px; border-right-color: rgb(144, 182, 219); border-right-style: solid; border-right-width: 1px; color: #222222; font-family: arial; padding: 0px; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="background-color: white; margin: 0px; padding: 0px; vertical-align: top; width: 342px;">It's time to start something new! Read your <strong><a href="http://www.tarot.com/horoscopes/new-moon-in-capricorn" style="color: #006699;" target="_blank">New Moon in Capricorn Horoscope</a></strong> and see why the things you start now will stick.<br />
<img alt="o" height="10" src="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/shared/spacer.gif" style="vertical-align: bottom;" width="300" /><br />
<div style="color: #006699; font-weight: bold;">
</div>
</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<br />
General Daily Horoscope Influences </center>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #222222; font-family: arial;">We may grow weary of the high-strung mental energy that has us feeling on edge. Communicator Mercury forms disquieting aspects with judgmental Jupiter, stern Saturn and reckless Uranus, turning simple discussions into complicated battles for intellectual dominance. Fortunately, the Moon shifts into compassionate Pisces at 5:49 am EST to soften an otherwise anxious planetary landscape. Meanwhile, a Venus-Jupiter quincunx tempts us to overindulge.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />
<hgroup style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif;"><h2 style="font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: 28px; margin: 5px 0px 14px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Scorpio <small style="color: #666666; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif; font-style: italic;">(Oct 23 – Nov 21)</small></span></h2>
<h3 style="font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; letter-spacing: -0.03em; line-height: 16px; margin: 0px 0px 10px; text-align: center; text-shadow: rgb(255, 255, 255) 0px 1px 0px;">
<span style="font-size: small;">Monday, Jan 14th, 2013</span></h3>
</hgroup><br />
<ul class="which-date" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; height: 20px; line-height: 21px; list-style: none !important; margin: 0px 0px 15px !important; padding: 0px;">
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 yesterday" data-which="yesterday" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-01-13" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">YESTERDAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 today active" data-which="today" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-01-14" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; -webkit-transition: all 0.2s ease-in; background-color: #8a8988; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(138, 137, 136) 0%, rgb(168, 168, 166) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 1px 3px; color: #006699; cursor: default; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px 5px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 75px;">TODAY</a></li>
<li style="float: left;"><a class="button tier4 tomorrow" data-which="tomorrow" href="http://www.tarot.com/daily-horoscope/scorpio/2013-01-15" style="-webkit-box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; background-color: #777879; background-image: -webkit-linear-gradient(top, rgb(119, 120, 121) 0%, rgb(67, 67, 67) 100%); border-bottom-left-radius: 3px; border-bottom-right-radius: 3px; border-top-left-radius: 3px; border-top-right-radius: 3px; border: 0px; box-shadow: rgb(51, 51, 51) 0px 3px 5px; color: #006699; cursor: pointer; display: block; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-weight: bold; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px; padding: 2px 0px; text-align: center; text-decoration: initial; text-shadow: rgba(0, 0, 0, 0.498039) 0px -1px 0px; text-transform: uppercase; width: 90px;">TOMORROW</a></li>
</ul>
<div class="horoscope-copy" style="color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, Times, serif;">
<div style="font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
You may create more stress by trying to resolve the conflict between your current desires and a more logical approach to your needs. Thankfully, the tension should begin to settle down today without any specific action on your part. There are subtle shifts in the present circumstances now that can give you a glimpse of the smoother sailing ahead. But don't needlessly rock the boat; just stay on course until the discord dissipates.</div>
</div>
<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">No shit you don't say! *sigh* </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Discussions, why are they so difficult, even when they are necessary for the good?</span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And the more specific love horoscope what does it have to say?</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
<div style="background-color: #e9e6e1; color: #444444; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 10px; text-align: center;">
A love life dilemma could cause a rift between your logic and your emotions today. Don't take any action just yet: Circumstances are still evolving right now.</div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<br />
I think the New Moon in Capricorn Horoscope mentioned above forgot who it was talking about though!<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
It says: "<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;">Getting facts straight with additional study and research could be a key to success now. This organized Capricorn New Moon lands in your 3rd House of Information and Communication. Being authoritative when you speak comes from careful preparation. Important conversations will work best when you think about what you're going to say in advance and listen attentively to others."</span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Yeah that so isn't me! <b><span style="font-size: x-small;">*my downfalls*</span></b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Georgia, 'Times New Roman', Times, serif; line-height: 21px;"><br />
</span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">I was gonna write a bit about the conversation that stemmed from my last post, but i realize many don't bother reading these ones so i will make it into a separate one later. </span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><br />
</span></span> <span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: inherit;">Now i have to get ready for my course (<span style="font-size: x-small;">i couldn't coerce Sir into letting me stay home today <b>*pouts*</b></span>)!</span></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-71866648933820200382013-01-11T15:03:00.001+01:002013-01-11T15:03:49.889+01:00Ramblings and apologies<div>
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn3.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTrG78E6WXd6UNft03NJADsQ4k8Wg5v6lUmdBtkPtQauiwDGmci" /></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Firstly i wanna apologize for being such a bad blogger -and blogger friend! I suck, i know!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm sorry.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's very much how i am all round, on/off, hot/cold, up/down -it can turn a lot, and quickly or it can be drawn out. It's very much how i am in life with everything.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm intense in everything i do, even the withdrawing (<span style="font-size: x-small;">albeit that is a bit of a contradiction</span>).</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Let's just say that i am an all or nothing kinda gal, there are no in between's with me, not even if i want them.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">It's been quite stormy here for a while (<span style="font-size: x-small;">no i'm not talking of the weather, albeit it was very windy this morning! Made it feel like a snow storm with all the snow blowing of the roofs <b>*unpleasant*</b></span>).</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">So what's been going on? Oh you know just the usual; finances in ruins (<span style="font-size: x-small;">i mean like old medieval ruins in dust <i>:/</i></span>), meds being messed up back and forth (<span style="font-size: x-small;">right now i have been off meds for a few weeks...</span>), a family life in constant chaos and there's been Sir and i that have been just about as much up and down as the rest of my life. That part is more difficult to disregard though, and also more difficult to "work with", if you get what i mean. It's complicated. Sometimes a lot more complicated than it needs to be it seems.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The most difficult part is when all the different chaotic parts of life collide with eachother -doesn't help when chaos meets chaos, it creates further chaos and disorder and disruption.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And when one issue causes another issue, that needs to be dealt with but can't because of the underlying original issue then it just becomes pancake.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><b><i>... I was trying to give you an example here but it all gets so messy and complicated, but i'll try...</i></b></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I need firm Dominance. Sir isn't really the firm/strict type. When he tries to be i fight back and throw curve balls and weedle myself out of stuff. It throws him off, he drops (<span style="font-size: x-small;">or lets go of</span>) the ball, and then i react to that instead. I don't mean to do that. And in the long term i certainly don't want to <i>"win"</i>. Even if i might at times be satisfied i managed right then and there.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">We talk about these things. We decide to step up the game. Nothing happens. Sometimes it even leads to the opposite where the D/s almost disappear instead. This fucks with my head and i become an even bigger bitch. Which deflates Sir more. And in the spiral we are.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Don't get me wrong, i'm not saying we're in a bad place! We're not in trouble or anything like that! Even if we have rocky patches like everyone else.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I know a lot of my readers (<span style="font-size: x-small;">if i still have any</span>) have DD relationships and i realize that it is different so maybe it's hard for anyone to answer, but has anyone else found that<i> love </i>made their D/s relationship more difficult and complicated?</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I want to clarify why i think DD and other D/s relationships differ slightly, and that is that for most in DD love was the foundation for the relationship to start with. With that i mean that most people were already a couple in a relationship that they then decided to modify.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Whereas often in a D/s relationship you have gone out looking for the D/s and there found your partner, so it's kinda the other way around from how you start DD.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>Does that make any sense?</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Like Sir and i, we didn't meet, fall in love and become Dom and sub. We looked for a D/s partner (<span style="font-size: x-small;">partner being a loose term in this case, maybe <i>counterpart</i> is a better word?</span>), became Dom and sub, and later that turned into something more.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Looking back i have started to see that that point of "more" is when everything got confusing. That's when everything changed.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Not saying it's a bad change, but it's a change that can throw everything off. And with us i think it has. At least it has me. But i think also Sir. I think Sir's needs changed with that. Or at least his outlook.Whereas mine hasn't really. But they have changed by proxy. Which i think is a dilemma too. We have ended up on different levels. Trying to accommodate each other becomes more difficult then. Even if we both try. Neither of us are good at "faking". And with faking i mean acting in a way we're not really feeling at the time. Which is where we start spiralling; I don't feel submissive. I start acting out. I need him to cut me off. He don't feel very Dominant. My acting out makes him feel less so instead of more, so instead of coming down like a ton of bricks, he gets discouraged. I get frustrated and pissy and unruly. He becomes frustrated... and so it goes on. Until something else happens that breaks the cycle (<span style="font-size: x-small;">that could be something good or bad</span>).</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I told you guys about the punishment i had last time i went to see Sir, right? That's what i need. More. And swifter. Ignoring that kinda behaviour doesn't work on me. I only get worse. And no, i'm not being deliberately bratty to get what i want, i get bratty because i am by nature and i need help to stop it in time (<span style="font-size: x-small;">at a reasonable level</span>).</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sir was here over New Years. I was not so good. He did nothing. I got worse. I got out of hand.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">His words saying i wasn't being so nice to him cut, i still hear them ringing in my ears. And it makes me sad. But they don't break the spiral inside of me, the spiral that is like a mechanical spinning toy, once it's started there's not a button to switch it off! </span><span style="font-family: inherit;">It has to be broken (the action not the toy!).</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">While the punishment last time was something awful it's one of the best things that has happened in our relationship, and is something i need us to keep up.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Although i'm not one to rely on punishments for my behaviour i do need the structure of it <span style="font-size: x-small;">(even if it don't have to lead to punishment it has to hold that dynamic</span>) I certainly need the behavioural aspect of it.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">- Call it behavioural therapy <i><span style="font-size: x-small;">*lol*</span></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><b>Sir you can be my permanent cognitive behaviour therapist! </b></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I've been confused for a long time about something but it's not until right this second that i've had words to it! </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And that is;</span></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: inherit;"><b>does Sir want a girlfriend that is also his subbie, or a subbie that is also his girlfriend?</b></span></i></div>
<div>
<i><span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">To me, there's a huge difference. <b>HUGE</b> difference. And i'm realizing that for him maybe there isn't? For me, i'm the latter. That's what i want to be. How i want it to be. In proportion i would say at least a 60:40 ratio. Because i'm coming to realize more and more, that the less sub i am, the worse girlfriend i become. And i even think that is a pretty <i>minimal</i> ratio to be honest.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'd say as it stands the ratio is backwards. </span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And like i said in the beginning of this (<span style="font-size: x-small;">probably very rambly</span>) post; i don't do things by halves or in moderation. I am an all in kinda girl. I can't be a good subbie in low numbers, because it's not subbie enough. I can't be a 100% good at being 40% subbie.</span></div>
<div>
<i style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></i></div>
<div>
<i style="font-family: inherit;">That probably doesn't make sense does it?</i></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">I'm referring to the ratio above. With that ratio i can't be a good subbie <b>or</b> girlfriend. The numbers are just simply too low. Give me high numbers and i'll put them back out. The numbers i mean. I'm high-grade and high-maintenance, that i have always stated.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But i think putting in more in the short run, will actually save some effort in the long run. Or rather a <i>helluva lot</i> of effort in the long run.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">But i know there are other factors too.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Life is complicated. Certain parts of life are more complicated than others. And certain parts again makes life more complicated to mesh with other's....</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Sir and i mesh, we do, in some weird, odd way we really do.... But i do think we are kinda out of sync, but that, that is technical and can be resolved. Problem is finding a common synchronization point.</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>*LOL*</i> didn't that just get very technical? <span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>*lol*</i></span></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Speaking of technical i have applied to a college course to become a computer programmer!</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">The course consistes of 8 modules that will be read 2 at a time:</span></div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Computer 1a</span></b><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Goes through the computer system structure, components and peripherals. You develop include the ability to install and configure application software, networks and printers, as well as learn the procedures for protecting information. </span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Programming 1</span></b><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Is an introductory course in programming. You get basic theoretical and practical knowledge of programming. You will also learn the basics of systems design and structuring techniques and knowledge of the interaction between applications, runtime environment, operating system and hardware. To get the maximum benefit from the course, you should have good computer skills. </span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Web Development 1</b></span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">This course provides basic knowledge on technical aspects of various media formats and interaction between clients, users, designers and developers. You practice your ability to build websites and web applications according to standards and guidelines for good practice, and with good accessibility for people with different conditions. You get knowledge of application architecture and separation of different types of logic. </span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Programming 2</b></span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">Programming 2, based on the Programming 1, gives knowledge of interfaces with users, files, file systems, operating systems, databases and Internet. You will also learn object-oriented programming in theory and practice.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Web Development 2</b></span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">The course builds on Web Development 1 and deepen your knowledge of the topic. You are given the opportunity to develop products that comply with standards and national / international codes of practice, usability, accessibility and security. You also develop knowledge of relevant laws and regulations, the ability to do web-related ethical considerations.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Digital creation 1</span></b><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">The course provides knowledge to design and develop ideas through the use of digital tools. You get knowledge of the technical equipment, structure, function, limitations and opportunities. One goal is to provide an understanding of how sound works as a means of expression in digital environments.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><b><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;">Web Server Programming 1</span></b><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">This course gives you the ability to plan, implement, document and evaluate the development of websites and web applications or other types of applications based on web technologies. You will learn about character encoding and the ability to handle different standards for character encoding, as well as the safety and ability to identify and thwart attacks.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<ul>
<li><span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif;"><b>Multimedia System</b></span><br /><span style="font-family: inherit;">This course provides advanced knowledge of computers, computer and communication systems and different types of network structure and function. You will learn how to plan and perform work in computers and given the skills to perform optimization, fix errors, and administration and diagnosis of computer and communication systems.</span></li>
</ul>
</div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">What you guys think? Sound like me? You think you can survive it? <i>*lol*</i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><br /></i></span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Anyways, so far i've only applied, there's a bunch of stuff to sort out first but it would be fun i think =)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;">And it would be studied remotely (<span style="font-size: x-small;">ie out of classroom</span>) which gives me great freedom to travel to see Sir =)</span></div>
<div>
<span style="font-family: inherit;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: inherit;">Keep your fingers crossed for me?</span></div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcRQVW2bY3AqEGIoFHnjjyx0Gmr308fWBb85Uhum1eKNHS-YGgnF" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Reminds me of my horoscope for today, it says:</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;">Friday, January 11, 2013</strong><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"> - It may feel as if the resistance you are encountering originates from the current circumstances in your external world. However, the Capricorn New Moon occurs in your 3rd House of Communication, indicating that your immediate environment is a reflection of you. The good news is that your destiny is in your own hands; whatever conflict you have created, you can remedy with a real commitment on your part. Be brave and start talking about tough issues to get the ball rolling.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;"><i><b>Now that's something to keep in mind!</b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;"><i><b>I will certainly try.</b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i><span style="color: #f1c232; font-size: 14px;">Destiny in my own hands </span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">~</span><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: 14px;"> </span><span style="color: #cc0000; font-size: 14px;">Conflict i created </span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">~</span><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: 14px;"> </span><u style="color: red;"><span style="font-size: large;">i</span></u><span style="color: red; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold;"> created </span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">~</span><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: 14px;"> </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: 14px;"><b>Commitment</b></span><span style="color: blue; font-size: 14px;"> </span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">~</span><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: 14px;"> </span></i></span></span><i style="background-color: white; font-family: inherit; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: 14px; font-weight: bold;">Be brave </span><span style="color: #0b5394; font-size: large;">~</span><span style="color: #38761d; font-size: 14px;"> </span><span style="color: orange; font-size: 14px;">Start talking </span></i></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; text-align: start;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;"><i><b><br /></b></i></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #cc0000; text-align: start;"><b><span style="font-family: inherit;"><i>I hope you've had some fantastic holidays & that your coming year will be a wonderful and rich one!</i></span></b></span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com5tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-30049103987666980092013-01-10T11:12:00.001+01:002013-01-10T11:12:26.262+01:00Eh....hi? and bye...<br />
Yeah, it's been a while, i know. Sorry 'bout that.<br />
I hope you've all had a fantastic holiday and that you got to finish off 2012 exactly as you wanted to. My New Years' was spent at home with Sir and TB =)<br />
<br />
<i><span style="font-size: large;">Of course i was the impeccable model of a perfect submissive!</span></i><br />
<br />
OK, so maybe not.<br />
In fact, <b>not at all! </b>Actually i'm pretty ashamed of my behaviour over the week that Sir stayed here. By some miracle we still managed to have a pretty good time though.<br />
<br />
I actually lost my inspiration to write just now (<span style="font-size: x-small;">yeah i got distracted by the TV, sorry!</span>) <b><span style="font-size: x-small;">*looks sheepish* </span></b><br />
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b>
I was gonna tell you so much too! But i prefer to do it properly instead of just because...so i'll get back to you!<br />
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<img src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhRv_aMRMFZNXO0cdwpvYQby5QY1VOQwE3emCqHP5ydc4L2V2Ez8HvyA8BvGMHBZygNFQ0Wcrqw1WqHvVs-vdxi7lwLHJ_vx06POe2Mw1T_VCMIh_0LgCk7ypqkF-YH3cl9OCYbUZppDUA/s640/see_you_later__alligator_by_TOM3S.png" /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-37431195748293514742012-12-16T16:42:00.001+01:002012-12-18T10:39:28.358+01:00Stars, snow and revelations<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img height="200" src="https://encrypted-tbn1.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcT2FLClEiE957miyCg7_IaAwYDRTn0Q1UVa-9Eujkh_bGunVSJDdA" width="192" /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img height="177" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcQK0T5FcRiM2qd42Xed8bPoHzQ_R6RtaXHyKGBK8zUebSvYkW3y" width="320" /><img height="197" src="https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR_DnWRf7rJanSPjI-t_jVBTcTPvmdLOP69NxKjaI1KI9tCNQjD" width="200" /></div>
<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<img src="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/mobile-twittascope/signs/sign-8-165x208.png" /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<strong style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;">Thursday, December 13, 2012</strong><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"> - You may find your core values being called into question as today's Sagittarius New Moon falls in your 2nd House of Self-Esteem. Although someone else's actions could trigger issues that raise your concern, there's a chance that others might actually be following your lead. <span style="background-color: yellow;">Keep in mind that no one else can make you feel better about who you are; your self-worth must come from within.</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 21px;"> Yeah, i'll try to remember that...</span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<strong style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;">Friday,</strong><strong style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"> December 14, 2012</strong><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"> - Be bold and take a chance by demonstrating your willingness to do a job differently today, even if your unconventional approach makes you less efficient. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Me unconventional? Never heard of! =P</span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"> The potential for a significant breakthrough is great, yet your most brilliant plans won't conform to comfortable routines. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Yeah like i have any routines at all -let alone comfortable ones!</span></span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: #333333;"> Nevertheless, you don't need to act on every brilliant idea. Pick the best one and then work to make it real. </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Haha -even the stars know of my "quirky" tendencies! *lol*</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<strong style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;">Saturday, December 15, 2012</strong><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"> - The present situation seems familiar, but it's highly possible that you only played through the scenario in your mind. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Oh my gawd that is sooo ME! Do that <i><u>a lot!</u></i></span></span><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"> Now it's time to live it out in reality as the currents of change pick up speed. You could exhaust yourself trying to fight it, but it's smarter to just go with the flow. Even if you're not heading exactly where you want to go today, remember that the tides can reverse directions suddenly. Save your strength for later on when you'll need it to reach your final destination. </span><span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Huh! Convenient on a child-free Friday =P</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #38761d; font-family: inherit; line-height: 21px;"><b><i>OK, so that was the daily horoscopes, but what is a <u>typical Scorpio</u>?</i></b></span></div>
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The sensual side of Scorpio plays out on the surface -- intense, deep and passionate is the Scorpion's style. But what's more important to you is your inner side that's hidden from the world -- and inside, it's all about metamorphosis. Ruled by dark Pluto and represented by the poisonous Scorpion, there's a shadowy side to this zodiac sign. However, once your dark nature can be transformed into one of peace and understanding, higher consciousness is attainable. </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small;">Yeah, if that's not me, then i dunno what is!</span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;"><b><i>And how about Sir?</i></b></span></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; line-height: 21px;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;">There's no creature more loyal than Cancer. Your home-oriented self is all about creating a comfortable, stable and protective environment for your loved ones. Nostalgic by nature, you have a tendency to draw inward, just as the Crab pulls into its shell to shield itself from the harsh outside world. Cautious and emotional, Cancers should steer clear of bottling up emotions, as minor problems can easily turn into major catastrophes.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #3d85c6; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: x-small; line-height: 21px;">Same here, sooo true!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<h2 style="background-color: white; color: #8c045b; font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px;">
</h2>
<h3 class="header-results" style="font-weight: normal; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><em>Love Compatibility For:</em><br />Scorpio and Cancer</span></h3>
<div class="inner" style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
<div class="compat-portrait" style="color: #333333;">
<img alt="Scorpio" class="sign-img" height="200" src="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/twittascope/3_0/twitta-compat-icons/sign-image-08-right.png" style="float: left; text-align: center;" width="200" /><img alt="Loves" class="heart-img" height="50" src="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/twittascope/3_0/twitta-compat-icons/heart.png" style="float: left; margin-top: 75px; text-align: center;" width="50" /><img alt="Cancer" class="sign-img" height="200" src="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/twittascope/3_0/twitta-compat-icons/sign-image-04-left.png" style="float: left; text-align: center;" width="200" /></div>
<h3 class="header-results" style="color: #8c045b; font-family: 'Clarendon Bold', Georgia, Times, serif; font-weight: normal; line-height: 20px; margin: 0px 0px 15px; padding: 0px; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-size: small;"><br /></span></h3>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="color: #333333; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333;">As a water sign you tend toward emotional intensity and psychic perceptions. You are acutely aware of the undercurrents of your environment and are able to detect the moods of the people around your with your probing mind. </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Uh-huh! *Nods*</span></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333;">Cancer is also a water sign who expresses feelings and moods with greater unpredictability than you. You both tend to hold in your feelings, but for different reasons. </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Yep!</span><span style="color: #333333;"> Yours are so powerful that you often tone down their intensity so as not to scare others. Your Cancer lover, however, is often quiet because they are worried that if they shared their feelings, others wouldn't love them. For them, it is an issue of building enough trust so they feel secure with verbalizing emotions.</span><span style="color: #3d85c6;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;">Me thinks that might just be correct...</span></span></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333;">Crabs can hide behind a hard outer shell to help them with issues of insecurity. Your partner's soft, caring and nurturing character coaxes you out of the hidden corners of your own suppressed emotions. </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Ehm, yeah...Suppressed emotions -me?! Never! *Insert eye roll* </span><span style="color: #333333;">Meanwhile, you strengthen their intuitive hunches and teach them to have courage enough to stand up for what need.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333;">Your lover can be highly expressive sexually, but may be more hesitant than you, needs tender encouragement and care along the way. Still, Crabs are able to receive and reflect the power of your physical urges, even if they seem more fragile. </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Hmm...me. Physical urges...me that's so innocent can't possibly have physical urges?! </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: xx-small;">*LOL*</span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;"> Yeah....**little horny slut** </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: xx-small;">*giggles*</span></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333;">Differences of style can get in the way of easy day-to-day routines if the Moon in your chart is in Aries, Libra, Sagittarius or Aquarius. </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Hahahahahaha Yeah!...yeah that would be like,uhm...always??</span><span style="color: #333333;"> </span></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333;">Regardless of the Moon's placement, you enjoy each other's company </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">oh so very true, even doing 'nothing' =)</span><span style="color: #333333;"> and may be attracted to spend quality time near the ocean or different types of water environments. If the two of you choose to create a household together, it will be full of powerful emotions, yet it can ultimately turn into a quiet nurturing and private space, separate from the busy outside world. </span><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">*smiles*</span></div>
</div>
</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: #3d85c6;">That's just so.....Us!</span></span></div>
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
<br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Now for my true followers that could be bothered to read all the way here through my nonsensical drivel, a little window into my surroundings.</span></span><br />
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
<span style="color: #333333; font-family: inherit;"><span style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></span>
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><img height="400" src="https://dub105.mail.live.com/Handlers/ImageProxy.mvc?bicild=&canary=Q%2b5XCQ1LEq7RH3sD63dtwfBiXZxODAVQ3G547vLMEPs%3d0&url=http%3a%2f%2fshare-fastly.picmonkey.com%2fprod%2fphoto_posts%2fV55metVp7x1_2246487.jpg" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;" width="400" /></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Not snowing like that anymore, now it's kinda sunny actually.</span></i><br />
<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">Still staying in though =p</span></i></td></tr>
</tbody></table>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Oh! And one more thing; <span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><b><i>Sir will be spending New Years with me!</i></b></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
Yep, He's coming here!</div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;">*grins*</span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<b><span style="font-size: x-small;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<img src="https://encrypted-tbn2.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcSppWDpWyZpBmqXr-MCTNn7jxzAakAbUZqDu_NfnsrSx5fD1WnNmQ" /><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><b>....</b></span><br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: left;">
Actually wrote this post several days ago, but didn't post it because i was gonna ask Sir what he thought of posting his star sign, then i remembered we congratulate each other's birthdays on the blogs, so figured it shouldn't matter. Then stuff happened....</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
I could make it into a separate post but i've decided to just add it here (<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">so all you who can't be bothered with my horoscope stuff only have one post to disregard ;)</span></i> )</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<br /></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<a href="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/mobile-twittascope/signs/sign-8-165x208.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/mobile-twittascope/signs/sign-8-165x208.png" /></a></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<strong style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Sunday, December 16, 2012</strong><span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"> - You can delve into the depths of your own inner world today or become fascinated with someone else's. Either way, be prepared to go on a magical yet bewildering ride, since it may be impossible to know what is real as you are experiencing it. You might actually slip into a parallel universe for a while as you are entranced by a fantasy. If you have the courage to go on this imaginative journey, you'll return soon enough with a treasure from the distant reaches of your own subconscious mind. </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; line-height: 21px;"><span style="color: #3d85c6; font-size: x-small;">Wish i had time for that!</span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span>
</div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"><br /></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
</div>
<div class="dh-image three columns" style="background-color: white; clear: both; color: #333333; display: inline; float: left; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; position: relative; width: 160px;">
</div>
<div class="dh-copy seven columns" style="background-color: white; display: inline; float: left; margin-bottom: 20px; margin-left: 10px; margin-right: 10px; position: relative; width: 400px;">
<div class="" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/mobile-twittascope/signs/sign-4-165x208.png" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://gfx.tarot.com/images/mobile-twittascope/signs/sign-4-165x208.png" style="cursor: move;" /></a><strong style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;">Sunday, December 16, 2012</strong><span style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px;"> - Even if someone thinks you are acting a bit strange today, you still could be truly inspired. Your senses are so finely tuned now that you might be able to hear mermaids singing sea chants in an unintelligible forgotten language. Oddly, these strange sounds make perfect sense and you intuitively know exactly what they mean. The waters of your subconscious are rising but there's no threat of danger, so don't bother trying to hold back the flood.</span></div>
<div style="color: #333333; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;">OK, so we'll both be psychotic?! Hmm maybe it's a good thing we are apart today =P</span></div>
</div>
<div style="font-size: 14px; line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: #3d85c6; font-family: inherit;">*LOL*</span></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<br /></div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;">I just wanna add something here:</span></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;">although i think this is fun (<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>and freakishly accurate at times!</i></span>) i'm not one of these people that "consult the stars" or live my life by them, i do however think they can be inspirational at times.</span></div>
</div>
<div style="line-height: 21px; margin-bottom: 15px;">
<div style="text-align: right;">
<span style="color: #38761d; font-family: inherit;">Don't worry, i might be mental but i'm no witch <i>=P</i></span></div>
</div>
</div>
</div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2625531404589226202.post-60921247874303306112012-12-16T03:49:00.001+01:002012-12-16T03:49:19.800+01:00Head spinning<i><span style="font-family: inherit;">Whirlwinds.</span></i> <i><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Spaghetti</span>.</i> <b><span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif;">Sloshing water</span></b> and <b><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;">crashing waves</span></b>. That's my mind right now. Thinking too many things at the same time. Significant things. Things that can't be disregarded, yet not coherent enough to form a full sentence, even if there are full sequences of thought. It's a bit like a tape being played on an old recorder, you know how you'd sometimes look for a specific place on the tape and you could fast forward, press play for a millisecond, continue ff, playback, rewind,stop and slow motion. <span style="font-size: x-small;"><i><span style="font-family: inherit;">vvvvvrrrrrssssssiiiiiitttttiiiiiiivvvvvbrreehhhhhv</span></i>.</span> It's a bit like that.<br />
<br />
And i'm so emotional right now.<br />
The atrocities in the US did nothing to help -and i have too much to say about that, but this is not the time.<br />
<br />
And I finished reading a story today. A fan fiction i started reading long ago, the very same one that triggered me to go to the cemetery a few weeks back. It's called <b><i>"Tattoos Like Mile Markers"</i></b>. I recognize so much of it, even if the story is a lot more "hardcore" than what i have done. It's at times a very very dark story, but it's also full of hope and light. Sometimes it's difficult to see for the clouds but it's there. And love, as full of self-loathing and self-blame and shame as it is, it's also full of love.<br />
<br />
Even with all the shit that goes on in my life and all the turmoil in my head, i am still very blessed, yesterday and today i feel it especially.<br />
I have a wonderful daughter -that's the same age as the kids of yesterdays horror story, which i guess is why it hit home so hard.<br />
I have Sir that is always thinking of me, helping me as much as he can -and as much as i let him (<span style="font-size: x-small;"><i>i know, i know, spare me the spiel please</i></span>). He loves me and cares for me regardless of all the shit i come with. He tries his best and puts me before a lot else that is important too. I love him. Sometimes i forget just how much, but i do, and right now i'm feeling it deeply. Seems i'm a bit emotional at the moment.<br />
Not a feeling i'm overly familiar with. I have mixed feelings about that; it feels like a blessing to actually <i>f e e l </i>emotional, at the same time as i'm not so comfortable with <b>beeing </b> emotional, if that makes sense.<br />
<br />
Damned, feel drained already. Maybe i should try to go sleep, since it's way past my bed time as it is (<i><span style="font-size: x-small;">i did notify Sir of that via mail for those of you who wonder ;)</span></i> ). Speaking of, Sir is away on business and will be hard reached over the next few days, i will miss him. No, i miss him. Soon it will be back to normal for a little while though, until xmas when he'll be away again. On the upside he is coming to spend New Years with me =) Yep, he'll be here for a week! It's another milestone in our relationship you could say, it will be a first seasonal holiday spent together.<i> "Next year Christmas"</i>, Sir's words....just carrying a slight hint of admonishing in it, but that i deserve. But <i>yes please Sir, next year Xmas</i>. Absolutely fine by me!<br />
And TB is as excited about Sir coming as i am -she's absolutely exuberant about it! <i>=)</i> He's got a real fan there. I'm happy to say, it would be a pain if it was the opposite, which i thought would be more likely to be honest. But she adores Sir, and for that i am happy. I'm sure she'll wrap him around here little finger just as easily as she does everyone else <i>=P</i><br />
<br />
<br />
Sir, you be safe in your travels now -you have 2 very expectant ladies waiting for you!<br />
<br />
<br />
Dunno where these ramblings lead or even if it's what's in my head (<span style="font-size: x-small;">haha that rhymed!</span>) but i feel a bit quieter now. Let's see if it's still the case once the computer is off and it's time to try to sleep again.<br />
<br />
But for you guys it's au revoir!Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/06962358426978378748noreply@blogger.com3