Feeling submission
submission is different for everyone. How we perceive it, how we feel it.
I've heard a lot of people classing themselves as "natural" or "not natural" submissives.
I only yesterday realized that I am what they would call "a natural", but I am still unsure of the difference between the two.
I have a natural way of doing things so that it will make the life of others easier, to make it "better" for them -but that's a personality trait is it not? Does that really say anything about my submission?
How about the feeling of submission, does that differ between the two types? I have a natural tendency towards submissive behaviour, but what if I don't feel submissive? Does that shift me to the other type?
I have tried to explain to Master how I think -or rather feel- about this, about my submission; and I have always said "I don't feel submissive",going on to explain that I feel submissive to Him but I don't feel submissive in my head.
Yesterday I had to write a blog post on this on my personal blog, about goals I want to achieve that I haven't already. I also took to the opportunity to try to look at my progression so far, this told me one thing; I am submissive. I feel it in my heart and soul -but still not in my head.
When we discussed this last night Master said "maybe it's not needed?" But for me it is. I feel like I'm lacking something, like something is missing. But it is also something I need to let go of for now. I'm too hung up on it and it might actually be holding me back from progressing further.
Maybe it is as simple as "seeing is believing"? I have a mind that is very much into "proof", it want's to know how and why down to the smallest particle of the subject at hand -this always drove my teachers nuts! I couldn't just take a "it's just how it is" -I need to know why it is as it is. So maybe all it wants is some proof of my submission, i e it wants to see it with "it's own eyes" so to speak.
But I wonder if someone else out there has had the same issue of knowing they are submissive but not really being able to get to grips with the thought processes of it?
How do you see the typing of natural vs learning submissives? I wonder also if it is something that Doms see or think of too, or if it simply is a need for submissives to categorize themselves?
I think Doms have a way of making their own categorization quite easy; they are either sadistic or not, harsh/strict or not, compassionate/caring/loving or not.
And that's about it. (I've had a hard time finding the right words for these categorizations, I don't seem to be able to find the right words, but hopefully some Dom(s) will help me out with this *hint hint* )
I have rarely -if ever- heard a Dom wonder if he is Dominant enough, they solely reflect over how they are-, and want to assert their Dominance.
I'm sure they do at times, maybe when they feel they lack control over a situation or maybe after a session gone wrong. I do not think it is something they worry about outside of these instances though, i e they only worry when something has happened to trigger this doubt. I think though that many submissives worry about their abilities and their level of submissiveness even outside of any specific occasion. But I might be completely wrong in this, maybe it's just me?
Although I find that in many a submissive forums a frequent question is "Am I submissive (enough)?"
Do we submissives make it more complicated than it needs be? Is it not enough for us too to reflect over how we are- and want to give our submission?
