Following the gym fiasco of last week i've gotten a major stick wielded at me. Major.
It actually scares me. No it's not dangerous. It could not harm me. But it would completely...completely what? I'm actually not sure. It would make my heart ache. It's bad when He's away for work. Not getting to speak with Sir knowing He's available is something else. It would be like waving a water bottle in front of a man dying from thirst. Will it motivate me? Doubtful. Not because i am willing to endure it, but because motivation has to come from within. Will it get my ass in gear? If this don't then fuck knows what will! I've forgotten to tell you what the stick is haven't i? I'll get a deadline for when gym requirements will have to have been met. I'm to let Sir know when it is. If it is not then He won't come online until it is. This week i've got to do it twice, making up for last week. Wednesday and Friday -feel free to be on my back about it!! I need to do this. I NEED to. Weird thing is i love the gym. So why the f**k am i struggling so with it? Your guess is as good as mine. Time to get that fat ass out of the wagon. Like having gained all the weight i'd worked so hard to lose shouldn't be motivation enough. Or maybe that's just it? I did it and then i fucked it up and now i'm discouraged? Yeah that's actually quite likely. I need to get that enthusiasm going again. Maybe knowing my punishment would punish Brutus just as hard will do it. The last thing i want is to hurt Him. Hurting Him is like hurting myself i was about to say. But it's not, it's worse, much worse.
Brutus: i love You and will always do anything in my power to not hurt You.
I'll fix this. For You. For Us.
|Hoping to turn the stick into an olive branch.|