My submissive journey: January 2011

Weakness or strength?

I've been thinking about this quite a bit lately -why does so many Doms (apparently) see showing affection, showing your true person, as weak to them? (Pygar, Sir J and my Master are immediately removed from this category ;) )

I think a lot of my wonderings come from forums in different internet BDSM-communities, where I see questions and comments suggesting that it would be "too much giving" for a Dom to give his sub oral sex for instance, that it would be like "servicing"?

That showing emotions would be a sign of weakness? I myself would be worried if my Dom was incapable of showing emotions and giving of Himself -to me that is a red flag right there!

In fact, the capability -and maybe even more so, the willingness- to show these parts of oneself is to me considered a strength!

Even Doms are human, just ordinary humans.
Even Doms have feelings, insecurities, weaknesses and even lapses in judgement. Does that not just prove that they are human?

What I find fascinating though is that there also seem to be subs out there that expect Doms to be Überhuman (which is kinda contradictory in terms of above mentioned point).

Which further lead me to the subject of Dom-drop / crash.
It is not a subject that is written about a lot. Maybe if more Doms realized they aren't infallible the drop would not turn into a crash? Not saying all crashes can be avoided this way, of course. But maybe, just maybe, that knowing that one isn't perfect just because he (or she for that matter, but I will be generalizing this time) is Dominant? Is it possible for anyone not to make mistakes in the interaction with other people? Especially in TTWD (Sir J, I hope you don't mind me having nicked your expression here! In that case give me a stern look and a pointed finger so I know ;) ). In TTWD we make ourselves vulnerable. Yes probably mostly the sub, well not mostly, just to a greater extent. But I think the same vulnerability can be applied for the Doms -don't they too put themselves out there? Can't they too be hurt or feel violated? D/s relationships are very intense and play on a lot of feelings -on both sides of the court.

Why is there so much more discussion about subs? Is it just because there is such a great fear from many Doms of seeming weak? They don't want to ask questions that can make them seem "weak". Why suffer in silence I ask? Why be a martyr when you can get support and maybe actually come out stronger and more capable at the end of it?
There are countless communities and forums out there specifically orientated for subs -why not for Doms? (Well, I haven't come across one anyway)

So maybe I should challenge you Doms -anyone up to the task? (OK, maybe bad choice of word to direct at a Dom *LOL* )

If there was such a Forum/Community, would you use it?

Collaring

I got very excited last night. In a conversation with Master the subject of collars came up. I'd asked permission to wear a "fake" collar to BDSM-events, just to show my status up-front. He said He considered me collared the moment He accepted me as His sub.

How have you other Doms looked at this? When do you consider a sub collared? Does the physical collar need to exist and be applied, or is it the decision to accept the person's submission that is the defining moment? Particularly if the relationship is of an online / LDR character where, of natural reasons, the act of the collaring is a bit trickier.

How do you subs look at it? Would be very interesting to see if there's a difference in opinion between Doms and subs on this matter.

What is your personal view on this?

Paradoxes and Oxymorons

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Happy New Year!

Wish all of you the best for the year to come!

I, myself, have sworn to make this year a better one than the last =)

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A fellow blogger, Pygar, of the great blog "A Kind Dom" wrote in his last post about D/s and tenderness.
The blogs name is in it self, of course, a paradox. Well, a Gentle Dom would be even more so I guess.

This got me thinking though; Isn't all parts of the term BDSM very much paradoxal and full of oxymorons? Sadism needs to be carried out with a harsh tenderness and received with pleasurable pain, Dominance with firm consideration. Discipline to be executed out of care and received with greatfullness.
Atleast in my eyes this is how it should be applied. Sadism without the tender touch inbetween strokes and the giving of a kind and comforting gesture afterwards -would that not just be a beating, rather than the give and take of pleasure?

Master and I had a conversation about some of this the other day. How He found it paradoxal that He "like women and [also] like the idea of them having pain". I replied "I like nice men, and I enjoy them giving me pain." ; ) And isn't that more or less the definition of S&M? The paradoxal view of the person vs the action, and the oxymoronic feelings, like pleasurable pain for instance, that are produced?

Pygar also writes: "Perhaps there is more need for true caring and comforting in such a [BDSM] relationship than in other relationships." And I really, after some consideration, really believe that.

This is it for this time!
Written by a strong-minded submissive owned by a caring-Dom = )

Take care of yourselves and eachother.