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Friday, March 18, 2011

The difference in submission II

This is a follow up of my previous post  about the difference in submission. I spoke of how I sometimes do things out of submission, but don't feel submissive whilst doing them.

xPygarx and I discussed the difference of the two, and how he as a Dom saw it.
Now if I had published the original reply to his comment it would've set the world record as the longest comment reply in history! So I made it into this follow up post instead.

P's advice to me was to discuss this with Master, I had done this already, and I'm glad I did because it was weighing me down unnecessarily.  Master and I discussed this and He understands it and isn't all that bothered by it (and by that I don't mean about my feelings, just to clarify), or maybe worried is a better choice of word here.
In our discussion I made it very clear that I do feel submissive to Him -undoubtedly so. Just not in some of the actions I have been asked to do. I feel duty in doing them, and I always do my best so don't get me wrong, and it gives me great pleasure when He is pleased with my performance. It just don't make me feel submissive in a sense that I get into a different mindset during the action itself.
Master's take on this was that it may be because He isn't very strict, He gives me a lot of freedom and a big scope to play with. What we agreed on doing is that I would kneel for a time after every shower (due to my living arrangements I kinda had to modify that as I went along), and after a few days of doing that He said that I could now do it when I feel the need to feel more submissive. This helps -and I like to kneel, I can't wait for a time where I will be able to kneel at His feet -just the thought of it makes me break out in a smile  =)

I can gladly say that Master isn't one of those stereotypical Doms Px speaks of; the stereotypical Dom that say "it isn't about her it is about me" and not care about her feelings as long as the submission is there.

We/i also concluded that it might be because the submission don't feel the same to me as it did in the beginning -you know when you have that kinda sub-frenzy as a proper newbie?
I am still a newbie, but I think that glorification has worn off. And that is probably the biggest thing that causes this confusion in me; I have changed and grown, and I just haven't really caught up with myself yet.
I've come a long way in a very short space of time, and I guess I'm acclimatizing to it all.
But basically, and this was a very important realization for me, it isn't my submission that is the problem, it is about me catching up with myself in my progression. It has become a part of me, it isn't any longer a "new persona" that I'm eager to (ful)fill, it has become me. And I also know for sure that it will be completely different when I am right before Him, because even in my thoughts and dreams about it I feel different -I feel submissive just by being there, even in my mind's eye.

Maybe one can conclude that it isn't about a difference in submission, just the perception of and feelings around it?

But, this begs a new question: How do you catch up with your own progression when it lags behind mentally?With love,


Omega said...

In time you will be able to reconcile the two, as your personal trust in your Dominant increases and your inner fears subside.

Keep the lines of communication open and do not fear sharing too much.

Serve well,

March 18, 2011 at 9:27 PM
NewToThisLife07 said...

Thank you Omega,
"do not fear sharing too much" -well I always share "too much" *laughs* I find myself telling Him more than I want to, or even know of myself, a lot. But yes, I do think I still have inner fears.

Thank you for your comment Omega, I am finding myself spellbound by both Your and mouse's blogs, and I am reading greedily from start to finish.

Thank you!

March 18, 2011 at 9:35 PM
Pygar said...

I think much of this is because you still feel very new to it - so are analysing your progress and feelings at every stage. As you become more settled and relaxed in your submission and your feelings I am sure you will gain more confidence to just go with the flow and accept an enjoy it all.

P xx

March 21, 2011 at 10:47 PM
NewToThisLife07 said...

Hmm yeah might be P, or maybe I don't analyse it enough?

March 21, 2011 at 10:50 PM
Pygar said...

I think you analyse a lot.

Sometimes it is best to just feel it and do it.


P xx

March 21, 2011 at 10:52 PM
NewToThisLife07 said...

Yeah you are probably right P..will try ;)

March 21, 2011 at 11:04 PM
Stormy said...

You may be over thinking this. When I do that, I have a little test for myself. If the thing I am dwelling on makes my head spin, I realize there is nothing of value, and I give it limited "brain time". Instead I think of the latest interaction with my man that made me smile, or lit me up, and I relax and think on those things. My mind clears and my worry subsides.

May 20, 2011 at 6:10 PM
Sweet girl (aka NewToThisLife07) said...

Stormy: I will remember that! =)

May 21, 2011 at 2:08 AM
melinda Sweetgirl said...

i am reading through old posts, kind of doing a backtrack, and i realize now just how right you were Omega!

Gosh it's been a year already! So much has happened in that time, most of it positive =)

March 27, 2012 at 12:34 AM

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