Friday, March 18, 2011
The difference in submission II
This is a follow up of my previous post about the difference in submission. I spoke of how I sometimes do things out of submission, but don't feel submissive whilst doing them.
xPygarx and I discussed the difference of the two, and how he as a Dom saw it.
Now if I had published the original reply to his comment it would've set the world record as the longest comment reply in history! So I made it into this follow up post instead.
P's advice to me was to discuss this with Master, I had done this already, and I'm glad I did because it was weighing me down unnecessarily. Master and I discussed this and He understands it and isn't all that bothered by it (and by that I don't mean about my feelings, just to clarify), or maybe worried is a better choice of word here.
In our discussion I made it very clear that I do feel submissive to Him -undoubtedly so. Just not in some of the actions I have been asked to do. I feel duty in doing them, and I always do my best so don't get me wrong, and it gives me great pleasure when He is pleased with my performance. It just don't make me feel submissive in a sense that I get into a different mindset during the action itself.
Master's take on this was that it may be because He isn't very strict, He gives me a lot of freedom and a big scope to play with. What we agreed on doing is that I would kneel for a time after every shower (due to my living arrangements I kinda had to modify that as I went along), and after a few days of doing that He said that I could now do it when I feel the need to feel more submissive. This helps -and I like to kneel, I can't wait for a time where I will be able to kneel at His feet -just the thought of it makes me break out in a smile =)
I can gladly say that Master isn't one of those stereotypical Doms Px speaks of; the stereotypical Dom that say "it isn't about her it is about me" and not care about her feelings as long as the submission is there.
We/i also concluded that it might be because the submission don't feel the same to me as it did in the beginning -you know when you have that kinda sub-frenzy as a proper newbie?
I am still a newbie, but I think that glorification has worn off. And that is probably the biggest thing that causes this confusion in me; I have changed and grown, and I just haven't really caught up with myself yet.
I've come a long way in a very short space of time, and I guess I'm acclimatizing to it all.
But basically, and this was a very important realization for me, it isn't my submission that is the problem, it is about me catching up with myself in my progression. It has become a part of me, it isn't any longer a "new persona" that I'm eager to (ful)fill, it has become me. And I also know for sure that it will be completely different when I am right before Him, because even in my thoughts and dreams about it I feel different -I feel submissive just by being there, even in my mind's eye.
Maybe one can conclude that it isn't about a difference in submission, just the perception of and feelings around it?
But, this begs a new question: How do you catch up with your own progression when it lags behind mentally?With love,
9 comments:
In time you will be able to reconcile the two, as your personal trust in your Dominant increases and your inner fears subside.
March 18, 2011 at 9:27 PMKeep the lines of communication open and do not fear sharing too much.
Serve well,
Omega
Thank you Omega,
March 18, 2011 at 9:35 PM"do not fear sharing too much" -well I always share "too much" *laughs* I find myself telling Him more than I want to, or even know of myself, a lot. But yes, I do think I still have inner fears.
Thank you for your comment Omega, I am finding myself spellbound by both Your and mouse's blogs, and I am reading greedily from start to finish.
Thank you!
I think much of this is because you still feel very new to it - so are analysing your progress and feelings at every stage. As you become more settled and relaxed in your submission and your feelings I am sure you will gain more confidence to just go with the flow and accept an enjoy it all.
March 21, 2011 at 10:47 PMP xx
Hmm yeah might be P, or maybe I don't analyse it enough?
March 21, 2011 at 10:50 PMI think you analyse a lot.
March 21, 2011 at 10:52 PMSometimes it is best to just feel it and do it.
:)
P xx
Yeah you are probably right P..will try ;)
March 21, 2011 at 11:04 PMYou may be over thinking this. When I do that, I have a little test for myself. If the thing I am dwelling on makes my head spin, I realize there is nothing of value, and I give it limited "brain time". Instead I think of the latest interaction with my man that made me smile, or lit me up, and I relax and think on those things. My mind clears and my worry subsides.
May 20, 2011 at 6:10 PMStormy: I will remember that! =)
May 21, 2011 at 2:08 AMi am reading through old posts, kind of doing a backtrack, and i realize now just how right you were Omega!
March 27, 2012 at 12:34 AMGosh it's been a year already! So much has happened in that time, most of it positive =)
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