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Wednesday, May 25, 2011

Topping from the bottom

Yet again has Pygar's blog inspired me -thank you!

In his post Domination, service and submission  subbrooke said in her comment "i will do things like pick up after Him, refresh His drink, get the remote for Him or fix His plate on my own. But most other things i feel like i'm topping if i do them without an order. "


This was my respons:
"To me that is not topping from the bottom it is being proactive . Isn't topping from the bottom defined as 'trying to take the decision making away from him'? Like trying to tell  him what to do? Of course when it comes to sexual favours it might not be such a good idea to just jump on him =P But I think that for example kneeling in front of him asking (for example) "Master may I service/pleasure you orally (or whatever it is that you want to do)?" I don't find that to be topping from the bottom -I see that as offering service (even if it is because feel like it, because it is still service right? Nothing that says I'm not allowed to derive pleasure from it is there? Unless you have that as a rule of course -however that would be possible I do not know though!) Same goes for asking for something you want for yourself, i e if you want a spanking I don't see anything wrong in asking for one; respectfully (as above for example) -it is still his choice if he will or not, therefore not topping. In my book.
Maybe there's a Dom in here that would like to admonish me for this, but that is my take on it =P "


So what is "topping from the bottom"?

Here's a couple definitions that I have found in my search:

* it's a self-centered mindset that treats dominance like an on-demand service.  www.tribe.net 

* The term “topping from the bottom,” sometimes called “topping from below,” refers to a submissive/bottom’s attempt to exert control in a consensual power exchange dynamic in which that individual has ostensibly surrendered their control.  www.houseofvoid.com 


In my opinion there is a very big difference between topping from the bottom and being proactive. Being proactive is anticipating your Master's needs, without Him always having to give you orders. Being proactive shows that you have your Master's wants and needs in mind even if He hasn't asked anything of you. Being proactive is the difference between being active or passive.

As I said in my comment above; I think asking to be allowed to give service -respectfully- shows dedication, desire and submission.
Even if it is because you want to -even if you want it for yourself, for your pleasure (too). You want to pleasure Him. You want to show Him how much it pleases you to do so.
Same goes for asking for something you want done to you! Not many Doms wants their submissive to hide her desires, to keep things to herself, for her to go around being frustrated, dissatisfied (in fact, isn't transparency a rule for many -if not most- submissives??). However much we like to look at our Doms as perfect super-humans they're not -they cannot read your mind!
So, if you want that spanking -ask for it! He might just say yes -but He has the choice to say no, and that, that is what makes the difference between topping from the bottom from simply making your desires known. That is not manipulation, it's a request. Topping from the bottom is being manipulative to get what you want, effectively removing the Doms choice. A request is asking, not telling.  First when He knows your desire can He make a decision whether to grant it to you or not. Yes; grant. His choice. His decision. His control. His power. And that is what Doms do; decisions, control, power.









With love,

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