My submissive journey: June 2012

Haircut

Still need to colour it though....

btw put other pictures up in the exercise diary, just realized you can see my Vanilla collar on them =D

*sigh*

I'm afraid that's false advertisement - i am!

Completely utterly loopy, luckily enough i'm home alone.

*sigh*

My TB is a toughie -she flew alone for the first time today!
=D

feel a bit

Worked out

tired subbie

so i better get in the bath and hope to be revived!

Woah wow!

Wooah! Yes, that little counter has actually ticked over

Cheers everyone!!

=)

Exercise & Fitness Diary has been revamped upon suggestion.

I hope you'll like it and find it easier to view.

lucky

i have the best Sir ever -and i love Him dearly!
There's not much more a girl could ask for.....

Pat pat on the back

melinda's been a good subbie -she's been to the gym twice this week already, and it's only Tuesday!

oh! whilst searching for pics with the search term "pat on the back! this pic also turned up!! *lol*

(sorry, i only did the gym ;) )

"Say what you mean, and mean what you say"

Yesterday i wrote a post called being open and honest can be nerve wracking and it really was. Until Sir's reply came in and i let out a sigh of relief.

You see i wrote Sir a letter yesterday, a very long and open and honest letter of how i feel about my submission and what i feel i need. I know i've touched on this with a few posts already, and we've also had some previous conversations about it, but i realized how obtuse i have been in my attempts to convey something so important. Something too important to be unclear about.

Sir has a saying "say what you mean and mean what you say", and i have a long time ago promised to live by that principle. This was my attempt to try to honor that.
So doing "the right thing" and doing something Sir actually asks of me, how could that be nerve wracking? Well first of all honesty in itself can be difficult, maybe even more so honesty to oneself. And there is always the risk of being misunderstood (my specialty btw), especially in how you mean something, even if the actual information is understood correctly.
Sir didn't misunderstand me at all, He understood me completely.

The letter was mostly written in third person. Sir don't require any specific speech from me, He is satisfied with me using His given name. Sir is optional. Everything else is OTT. Personally i like Sir, it sets the right tone for me and serves as a good reminder of who is what in our relationship.
I think writing it in third person was partly what was adding to my nervousness, i guess i worried i'd look silly.

As i said, i needn't have been nervous at all, not only was it completely understood, it was appreciated.
He actually said "I think it is a very well composed mail, both useful and it demonstrates you want to do the right thing."

And i feel good for doing it -and a little proud too if i'm to be completely honest.

The amazing wisdom of an almost-6-year old

Watching the European Championship on telly, it's late but being footy-crazed as she is TB is allowed to stay up to watch it.

TB: if they (the goalie) didn't throw themselves so much there would be loads of goals by now. Hundreds. Maybe even thousands.

me: But they are supposed to throw themselves to catch the ball so it won't go into the goal {she knows this, she wants to become a goalie}

TB: well yeah, they're not supposed to stand reading the paper and drink coffee anyways.

LMFAO!!!

The mind of a child -what on earth goes on up there? *LOL*

A few hours later:

Power and Control Part I

Power and Control. Two words that carry a lot of weight. And dogma. Misconceived preconceptions of right and wrong -who has the right to hold it? What is right and what is wrong? And so on.
Now in our lives -with our i mean we in ttwd lifestyle- it looks a bit different doesn't it?
Maybe that's why people frown so upon us? We don't fit the rules -or maybe it's more that the rules don't fit us?
Either way, we don't fit.

But this post isn't really about fitting into society, it's about Power & Control.
What is power and what is control? How can it be used, and what can it be used for? What is the right way vs the wrong way to use it? Why is it so sought after? What mechanisms in us are triggered by it? Does power and control necessarily go hand in hand?
While i think of these fantastic questions, why don't you listen to the soundtrack?
It's kinda apt (not to mention inspiring).

Since i am keeping an exercise & fitness diary and doing Excel at the computer course i thought i'd beat 2 birds with 1 stone so the diary is now updated with stats in both numbers and figures =D

Just letting you know...

Just some background noise

Haven't got so much to say really, but realized i haven't really said anything about general life in a while, so here goes:

Flat is still in a state of complete chaos. My home life altogether is in a state of chaos, but hey what's new? I am working on it though, and with Sir's help it's getting better.
I have started a computer course. It was supposed to look like this:

3 weeks introduction
3 weeks Word
4 weeks Excel

For melinda it was:

½ day introduction (i was about to write intercourse! How bad a Freudian slip wouldn't that have been?! Hahaha). I mean it was literally people finding out how to switch on a computer, what a mouse was and how to log in -all i could think was HEEEEEEEELP! Get me out of here!! *lol*
½ day Word
I'm on second week of Excel (should be third but i bunked all last week. Ehum *clears throat and looks angelic*)

After that i'm planning on doing Web-design =D

Soon my little girl, that is usually referred to as The Brat (or TB for short), turns 6 years old. In August she'll start school (what the hell happened?!). Just a couple days after her birthday party i will go see Brutus again! *grins*

Hopefully we'll be able to spend his birthday together as well, that would be cool =D

That's about it i think!

Not very exciting stuff but there you go...

On a wing and a Prayer

Sometimes you whisper a prayer in the dark and it's echoed back even from the deaf that didn't hear it.

Thinking subbies

As you know i asked Sir to tighten things up, to (re-)integrate more Dominance and control. It proves a bit more difficult than anticipated. I instantly struggled against it -even though i am the one desiring it, needing it! It's not been deliberate but for some reason this always seem to happen when i ask for more. I dunno why. I know my way of reasoning also very often is perceived as me arguing. Which i guess i am in a way, just not in the way it's perceived. I'm not arguing as in having an argument/fight, but as in arguing my cause, my point of view. I don't even need people to agree with it, but i want people to see it like i do. It frustrates me when i feel they don't. When i feel they "don't get it". The funny thing is i don't even always argue my POV, sometimes i just argue the opposing POV, even if it's not my own. Just for the debate. And to show different sides to a story. I guess being a person seeing things very differently from other people a lot of the time, the majority of the time, it isn't so strange that i often get frustrated in conversations. That frustration is often mistaken for anger or even hardness. And as being obnoxious.
When it in fact is frustration, mainly directed at myself, of not having the ability to make myself understood.
But i am digressing waaaay off the path now. That little sidetrack was mostly to explain why i often is seen as pushy/argumentative/obnoxious/difficult/resisting.

Anyways......

What i was going to write about was me thinking (dangerous business that!)

Being the thinking and forward subbie that i am i have thought of a few things that could help/be used to find my submission and alter my behaviour (maybe).

Reinstate rituals
Having rules drawn up (again)
Having to ask for permission more
Being told more
Keeping me "tighter" ie not let me chat back, cut me off and let me know when i do and when i have an attitude (this is a tough one! Since i am a cheeky person by nature and Sir doesn't want to lose that, it's separating "fun cheekyness" from being plain cheeky that is the difficult part -especially at a distance, and in writing at that! We do keep our Doms on their toes don't we? =P). Being much more strict with me and my actions having consequences (or a nice simple little Good girl if it's on a positive note =D)
More documentation from my side (like required blogging everyday and stuff like that)
Holding a different "tone" of interaction (especially in person?)
The words "Put me back on the floor (too)" comes to mind.....

Anyways, just fragmented thoughts (i wonder when they will make an app to defragment the human brain?! i could do with one of them!), that haven't really been looked at at all, even less assessed.

But there you have it.

Not seen as complaining or anything like that i hope.

I love my Sir deeply and appreciate Him greatly, and i know He does the same. That love (the "romantical love") has complicated things and made them less clear to both of us i think -which in itself is not bad!

We're very lucky to have found each other. But love did complicate things in the way that things aren't so clear cut anymore. It muddled the water and blurred boundaries. And i need boundaries. Without boundaries i roam.

I don't want to roam, i want to be anchored firmly to my Sir, to be attached to His side (figuratively speaking of course *lol*) floating on and bobbing along on His waves. Not drifting on (tidal) waves of my own doing.

A different kind of anchor =P
*lol*

Sir: Always. No matter what. :-*

Machines:

Treadmill
Exercise bike
Row machine
Vertical sitting row
Seated cable row
Vertical traction
Back raise
Seated shoulder lifts
Shoulder press
Chest press
Pec Dec Fly
Triceps press
Ab crunch R.O.M.
Rotary Torso
Crunches

This site has now become it's own blog!

You can find it here: melinda gets fit

Tuesday 18th of July:

Treadmill 30mins. 3km.

Row machine 20mins., 3km

Chest press

Exercise bike Fitness Test (Fitness Score: 39)

Monday 17th of July

Gym

Monday 10th of July:

Approx 1½hrs walking (with some running to start with)
Gym 15mins

Row machine 10mins, 1500m.
Chest press

Wednesday 4th of July:

Gym 45mins (Cardio/Legs/glutes + Abs & Chest)

Treadmill 30mins., 3km. 5-15 degrees tilt : 5-12 km/hr. HRC: avr.119bpm., Max. 162bpm. Time in zone 140-159bpm): 26:58min
Chest press 40/40/40 kg : 7/6/6
Ab crunch R.O.M. 30/30/30 kg : 10/6/6
1 km slow walk outdoors (with TB)

11pm:
Weight: 60.5kg
(day 3 of period)

Tuesday 3rd July:

1hr gym (Cardio/legs/glutes + back & shoulders)

Treadmill 35mins, 2.8km, 7-15 degrees tilt, 5km/hr
Vertical sitting row 40/40/40 kg : 10/7/7 reps
Seated shoulder lifts 10/10/10 kg : 10/10/10 reps
Vertical traction 40/40/40 kg : 10/10/10 reps

Monday 2nd July:

40mins gym (cardio/legs/glutes)

Treadmill 5-15 degrees tilt, 4-12 km/hr, 2,8km (manual), average hrc 131bpm
Vertical sitting row 10 reps at 50kg

Sunday 1st July:

11.45

Today i will write for all three settings, only because it's a new month so it wouldn't matter as much is the stats became a bit different. I will try to find out which is the most correct one.

Normal one (sedentary):

Weight (Kg): 59,6

Body Fat (%): 30,6

Body Water Volume (%): 47,7

Muscle Mass (%): 33,9

Bone Mass (%): 11,2

Heavy work:

Weight (Kg): 59,6

Body Fat (%): 26,6

Body Water Volume (%): 50,4

Muscle Mass (%): 35,8

Bone Mass (%): 12,3

Sport a lot:

Weight (Kg): 59,6

Body Fat (%): 21,2

Body Water Volume (%): 54,1

Muscle Mass (%): 38,4

Bone Mass (%): 12,9

Saturday 30th June:

23.45

OK, i'll write the one i usually use, just to keep it in proportion with the other stats, although i don't think it's the correct one anymore.

Weight (Kg): 59,6

Body Fat (%): 30,1

Body Water Volume (%): 48

Muscle Mass (%): 34,1

Bone Mass (%): 11,2

End of month stats:

Weight (Kg): -2 (at most)

Body Fat (%): -0,9 (differs a lot)

Body water volume (%): * (differs a lot)

Muscle mass (%): +0,5 (differs a lot)

Bone mass (%): *

BMI: -0,4

Wednesday 27th June:

40min gym (Arms, Abs, Legs/Glutes + Cardio)

Treadmill 3-15 degrees elevation, speed 4-9km/hr. 10mins.
Triceps press 45/55/60 kg : 15/10/7 reps
Ab crunch R.O.M. 26/26/26 kg : 10/10/10 reps
Rotary Torso 15/15/15 kg : 15/15/15 x 3 different settings
Crunches 10 (tilted)
Back raise 10 kg weight : 10 reps

Hahahaha that makes me look like a mile wide! (hence the last picture to prove that's not the case ;) ) But what you think? Getting results? =D

I'm once again getting confused about the settings on my scale -what am i if i sit all day, except for going to the gym? And if i do that 3-4 times a week?

Just to demonstrate how big a difference it is:

Sedentary (the one i usually use):

Weight (Kg): 60,6

Body Fat (%): 31,1

Body Water Volume (%): 47,3

Muscle Mass (%): 33,6

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Sport a lot:

Weight (Kg): 60,6

Body Fat (%): 21,7

Body Water Volume (%): 53,8

Muscle Mass (%): 38,2

Bone Mass (%): 12,8

Heavy work:

Weight (Kg): 60,6

Body Fat (%): 27,3

Body Water Volume (%): 49,9

Muscle Mass (%): 35,5

Bone Mass (%): 12,2

Ok so which one?
I don't think sport a lot, but maybe i should start using Heavy work? That would at least feel better =P

Monday 25th June:

1hr gym (Chest, back, shoulders)

Treadmill warm-up; 17mins, 2.4km
Seated shoulder lifts 10/10/10 kg : 10/10/8 reps
Chest press 30/30/30 kg : 10/10/10 reps
Vertical sitting row 45/45/45 kg : 10/8/8 reps
Shoulder press 25/25/25 kg : 10/10/10 reps
Vertical traction 30/35/35 kg : 15/10/10 reps
Chest press 30/30/30 kg : 10/7/7 reps
Back raise 10 kg : 10 reps

** must admit it was a very uninspired session today **

Walk home from gym 3km.

Sunday 24th June:

Saturday 23rd June:

2pm

Having the weekend off

Weight (Kg): 60,9

Body Fat (%): 31,8

Body Water Volume (%): 46,8

Muscle Mass (%): 33,3

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

7.40pm

Weight (Kg): 60,9

Body Fat (%): 31,5

Body Water Volume (%): 47

Muscle Mass (%): 33,4

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Friday 22nd June:

9.45pm

Weight (Kg): 60,9

Body Fat (%): 31,5

Body Water Volume (%): 47

Muscle Mass (%): 33,4

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Thursday 21st June:

1½hrs gym (Legs/glutes & abs)

Treadmill 30mins (weight loss program), + total of 10mins warm-up/cool-down
Treadmill 30mins (interval program), + total of 10mins warm-up/cool-down
Ab crunch R.O.M. (flex only) 25 x 3 @ 25kg
Ab crunch R.O.M. (flex/ext) 25 @ 20kg, 20 x 2 @20kg
Back raise 10 x 2 with 10kg weight, 10 without weight.

1pm:
(before lunch)

Weight (Kg): 61,0

Body Fat (%): 31,7

Body Water Volume (%): 46,9

Muscle Mass (%): 33,3

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

2.45pm:
(about 1½hrs after lunch)

Weight (Kg): 60,6

Body Fat (%): 31

Body Water Volume (%): 47,4

Muscle Mass (%): 33,7

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Wednesday 20th June:

1hr Gym (Back, Shoulders & Chest)

Warm up on treadmill
Vertical sitting row 15 @ 50kg, 10 x 2 @ 45kg
Delts 10 x 3 @ 10kg
Pulley 15 x 3 @ 25kg
Chest Press 10 @ 35kg, 10 x 2 @ 30kg
Shoulder press 5 @ 25kg, 10 x 2 @ 20kg
5mins cool down.

Weight (Kg): 61,3

Body Fat (%): 31,6

Body Water Volume (%): 47

Muscle Mass (%): 33,4

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Tuesday 19th June:

Gym 1½hrs (Abs & arms)

Warm up on treadmill, 2km (maybe 20mins?)
Ab crunches (machine "Abs 1") 25kg 15/10/10
Triceps press 45kg 15/10/10
Sit-up bench 20/12/7
Ab crunches 30kg/10, 25kg 10/10
Triceps press 45kg 10/10/15
Cool down on treadmill

Weight (Kg): 60,7

Body Fat (%): 31,5

Body Water Volume (%): 47

Muscle Mass (%): 33,4

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Monday 18th June:

1 hour gym (back, chest & shoulders)

15min warm-up on treadmill
Vertical sitting row [Pulley] (machine "Back 1"): 10 reps x 3 at 45kg (narrow grip)
Chest press 10 reps at 30kg, 7 reps at 30kg x 2 (upper grip)
Seated shoulder lifts [Delts] (machine "Shoulders 1"): 10 reps x 2 at 10kg
Pec Deck Fly 15 reps at 20kg, 10 reps x 2 at 20kg
Vertical traction (machine "Back 3") 15 reps x 3 at 30kg (new!)
Shoulder press (machine "Shoulders 2"): 10 reps x 2 at 25kg, 8 reps at 25kg. (varied grip)
12 mins cool-down on treadmill (incline 0 - 9,5) [1km]

9.15pm

(after dinner)

Weight (Kg): 60,7

Body Fat (%): 31,9

Body Water Volume (%): 46,8

Muscle Mass (%): 33,2

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Sunday 17th June:

3.30pm

Weight (Kg): 60,2

Body Fat (%): 30,8

Body Water Volume (%): 47,5

Muscle Mass (%): 33,7

Bone Mass (%): 11,2

8.30pm

Weight (Kg): 60,7

Body Fat (%): 32

Body Water Volume (%): 46,7

Muscle Mass (%): 33,2

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Saturday 16th:

1pm

Weight (Kg): 60,6

Body Fat (%): 31,1

Body Water Volume (%): 47,3

Muscle Mass (%): 33,6

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Friday 15th June:

Walked 3km {morning}

in 32:41 mins

pace: 10:36min/km

Planned exercise for the day:

Gym;

Back, shoulders & abs.

11am

Weight (Kg): 60,9

Body Fat (%): 32,7

Body Water Volume (%): 46,2

Muscle Mass (%): 32,8

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Hey at least fat and muscle are equal =P

3.30pm

(a bit early but forgot just before dinner)

Weight (Kg): 60,6

Body Fat (%): 31,4

Body Water Volume (%): 47,1

Muscle Mass (%): 33,5

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

** No gym today, have been feeling unwell =( **

Thursday 14th June:

11.45am

Weight (Kg): 60,4

Body Fat (%): 32,4

Body Water Volume (%): 46,4

Muscle Mass (%): 33

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

6.30pm

(straight after dinner)

Weight (Kg): 60,9

Body Fat (%): 31,7

Body Water Volume (%): 46,9

Muscle Mass (%): 33,3

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Wednesday 13th June:

9.30am

Weight (Kg): 61,4

Body Fat (%): 32,5

Body Water Volume (%): 46,4

Muscle Mass (%): 33

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Just checked my weight loss chart from an app i used to use, it was not a jolly experience =(

8.45pm

Weight (Kg): 60,9

Body Fat (%): 32,4

Body Water Volume (%): 46,4

Muscle Mass (%): 33

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Tuesday 12th June:

Checking difference between am and pm readings (read somewhere that most accurate reading is in the afternoon before dinner).

10.45am

Weight (Kg): 61,6

Body Fat (%): 32

Body Water Volume (%): 46,7

Muscle Mass (%): 33,2

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

5pm

Weight (Kg): 61,6

Body Fat (%): 32,1

Body Water Volume (%): 46,6

Muscle Mass (%): 33,1

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

Monday 11th June:

1 hour 15mins gym (arms, back & chest)

Warm-up on treadmill 15mins.
Chest press 15 reps at 30kg, 4 reps at 40kg, 7 reps at 35kg (lower grip)
Pec Deck Fly 10 reps at 20kg x 2, 8 reps at 20kg
Vertical sitting row (machine "Back 1"):10 reps at 45kg x 3 (wide grip)
Triceps press (machine "arms 1"): 15 reps at 30kg, 21 reps at 35kg, 5 reps at 45kg (vertical grip)
Back raise (machine "back 5"): 20 reps holding 5kg weight, 10 reps without weight.
15mins cool-down on treadmill

(Stats written disappeared and my scales only remembers the last reading, and i just did Tuesday's reading)

Sunday 10th June:

Weight (Kg): 60,7

Body Fat (%): 31

Body Water Volume (%): 47,4

Muscle Mass (%): 33,7

Bone Mass (%): 11,1

(Day 5 of period)

Saturday 9th June:

Weight (Kg): 60,7

Body Fat (%): 31,2

Body water volume (%):: 47,3

Muscle mass (%): 33,6

Bone mass (%): 11,1

BMI: 24,9

(Day 4 of period)

Friday 8th June:

Walked 3km {morning}

Thursday 7th June:

1 hour at gym (back & shoulders):

15min warm-up on treadmill (2,35km) on manual setting, between 5 - 6,5km/hr (average 5,4km/hr)
Vertical sitting row (machine "Back 1"): 15 reps at 35kg, 10 reps at 45kg, 5 reps at 55kg (narrow grip)
Seated shoulder lifts [Delts] (machine "Shoulders 1"): 10 reps at 25kg x 2
Seated cable rows [Pulley] (machine "Back 2"): 10 reps at 35kg, 3 reps at 45kg, 5 reps at 40kg
Shoulder press (machine "Shoulders 2"): 15 reps at 25kg x 2, 10 reps at 25kg. (inside grip)
15mins cool-down on exercise bike (3km) on weight loss setting.

Weight (Kg): 61,9 (at gym, clothed)

Body Fat (%): 33,6

Body water volume (%): 45,6

Muscle mass (%): 32,4

Bone mass (%): 10,4??

BMI: 25,4

(Day 2 of period)

Tuesday 5th June:

Walked 3km {morning}

Breaking the spell?

I've done a lot of bad as of late. I've been messing up, not only with Brutus, but also in my life in general.
But today i did good =)
I got my lazy fat arse off to the gym *grins* One day before deadline i may add!

Today melinda is wearing the golden GG mask, and it feels good.

Not only does the Good girl feeling feel good, the actual physical part of being at the gym feels really nice! (it's something i really need)

I've also decided to make my gym and exercise more public. I'm going to make a page of it (although as mentioned before it doesn't work as it should so it'll be a post at first), that way everyone can keep track of it =D

Natural Diversity

Nature really is wonderous!

People have been inspired by nature since the beginning of time -well, at least since the beginning of people!

The sex industry is big business and as we all know, sex is natural, right?

I just didn't realize it was quite this natural! *LMAO*