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Sunday, August 7, 2011

Breaking Down

I've written of emotional walls, of learning to let go, to be all that we can be and let them see all that we are.

I'm just starting to "get my emotions back", now they're not just platonic reactions any more -I feel them, I own them. And it's scary, it's scary as fuck! I don't do crying well, and now, now I tear up so easily. I feel real sympathy and empathy again. The walls are coming tumbling down and I'm scared. But I know He'll be there to catch me if I fall. Or at least put a band aid on it.

Only I'm allergic to band aids and I don't like falling.
I hope I will continue to risk scraped knees for the rewards of the walls coming down and truly be able to let go.

Thank you Stormy for inspiring this post, and for making me realise my own truth.
You said; "I'm not afraid to look my emotions in the face.
I'm not afraid to search my heart and see what is in there.
I'm not afraid to cry."

 - I am! Scared as hell! -

But I will crumble that wall.

Follow the crumbs, like Hansel & Gretel -not to find my way back to restore it, but to sweep up and discard of them.

I'm heading towards the point of no return - will someone please hold my hand?

With love,


Florida Dom said...

Good to hear the walls are tumbling down. Good luck.


August 7, 2011 at 3:14 PM
Stormy said...

I was eager to read your thoughts. You can do it! Self protection wraps you up tight but who can get close then? Use latex-free

You'll get there...I'm pulling for you.

August 7, 2011 at 3:46 PM
Sweet girl said...

Thank you for the well wishes FD : )
And Stormy...thanx yourself -just so you know though, if this all goes to hell i'm blaming you! *LOL*
But on a more serious note; thank you, it's good having someone pulling in the right direction!
And ditto for you : )

August 7, 2011 at 5:47 PM
Stormy said...

Hee hee, my blog is never a "how to" it's more like a "what not to do"!

Good thing people can't come after me when I lead them astray. :) But seriously, fragility is feminine and very much a part of us. Take baby steps to encourage will like it as you learn the benefits to your relationship.

August 8, 2011 at 12:29 AM
Sweet girl said...

Well, there's a first for everything Stormy and this was it -this time it was a "how to"!
Fragility is also scary though, especially when you have loads of undealed-with baggage and is terrified of the black hole that is severe depression : / but yes, baby steps... I know it's important, for me and for us...

August 8, 2011 at 9:55 AM
kiwigirliegirl said...

I read your blog following on from Stormy's - i was very curious. Its an awesome post very honest and open - thank you for sharing. I am a very emotional person - i cry at the drop of a hat - which hubby hates - except for when he punishes me....i find then that i can cry and not feel bad about it - this is why I want to give maintenance a go - i need a 'reason' to cry sometimes and that would give me it.
I dont think i put up a wall around me as such but when I feel i need to cry i tend to distance myself from him and have a quiet cry in the corner where he cant see me. But he always knows and then i can feel so bad about being emotional.
I dont know. Its a hard one.

August 8, 2011 at 11:24 PM
Stormy said...

Perhaps the black hole would run scared from the honesty you employ while seeking inner fragility? Pride and protective walls get along very well with depression. Think about it. Pride=loneliness. Intimacy=connection.

August 8, 2011 at 11:47 PM
Sweet girl said...

Very true words Stormy, very true. And yeah...Master has slowly started to succeed in bringing me closer to the light (today i actually felt like the sun was shining on me -not just over me) -these men....well they're awesome aren't they? (Mine in particular : P)

August 9, 2011 at 12:15 AM
baby girl said...

Being vulnerable can be scary but also quite cathartic.

Kudos to you for throwing caution to the wind!

August 10, 2011 at 8:29 PM

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