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Saturday, August 13, 2011

The sound of a starting gun

OK, I'm a curious creature. Many of us in this community are friendly and helpful to each other. We give our point of view, tell of our own experiences and try to give advice the best we can from those experiences.
Lately I've come to realise that most submissives that follow my blog are in Dd relationships rather than D/s as such. It's made me think of the differences between the two. I don't think they are hugely different. The dynamic is slightly different and I think Dd relations have more of a balancing act to deal with. And then of course there is the discipline part. Both dynamics have it. We all have "requirements" to fulfill.
So this got me thinking about the different focus of the "standard D/s" (yes I hate words as standard/normal/should/have to etc. sometimes you can't get away from them though) and Dd. In Dd discipline really is the focus (hence the name D'uh!), whereas in D/s the actual Power Exchange is at focus. OK, that sounds wrong, because of course the Dd is all about PE as well. What I mean is that it is..... a different sort of submission if you like. Maybe in the way that in Dd you agree to be submissive to your significant other, rather than seeking someone to give it to? (Also I think that maybe S/m may be more prevalent is D/s relations than Dd?)
OK, I'm gonna use myself as an example to try to clarify what I mean. Once I realised that I wanted to explore ttwd (not at all that long ago actually) I took steps to do that. 1. I Googled (*LOL), yes I Googled to see where maybe one could find a local community or such to test the waters with (Yeah, Google was really good for that *LMAO*). How that went is another story. 2. Once I at least found some links to some sites that seemed relative I checked them out and regged myself on one. One of those sites that are completely shite if you don't pay for it. So I quickly dumped that site. Back to Google and that link list. I found a site called CollarMe (how could that name not be appealing?? - yeah kinda "ran" to it!) This is where I hit the Jackpot (although that site is kind of a shit hole!) But that is a story for later. So those were my steps to actively seek out and test this lifestyle. And that's what I was referring to, I was actively seeking it for myself. So, I've thought about the difference in that and how Dd may come about. I think (correct me if I'm wrong) a lot of you (i e the girls I speak with around here) have been approached by your husbands (one or two of you have had it the other way around, it is still applicable though). How did they approach you? I doubt they just sat down at the dinner table one day and said "Oh honey, btw I would like us to test out a domestic discipline lifestyle." Not quite huh?

So, what was your starting gun? And moreover, how did you react to it?With love,


greengirl said...

My guess is that whatever generalizations seem to apply - probably have a huge number of people who don't fit: the titles, the way it started, any of it. For ourselves, i am the one who asked my husband (of 16 yrs at the time) if we could explore D/s and some s/m. We do not have a DD relationship - but, as you say, there are still expectations, etc. Fortunately he reacted enthusiastically and with an open mind. It has been good for each of us.

August 13, 2011 at 8:05 PM
Anonymous said...

I was actually mad at Daddy because he wasn't going to be with me on my birthday night. I claimed that I was just going to find another guy to take me out...I wasn't, but I was very upset and when I'm upset I say things I don't mean. Bad habit of mine. Anyway, one thing led to another and Daddy began telling me what he really wanted me to do and that's how it all began. And now we're in a 24/7 M/s relationship. He's more than just my husband. He's my Master and he's my best friend.


August 13, 2011 at 10:09 PM
Sweet girl said...

greengirl: Yes there all manner of constellations, I think you failed to read that 1. I stated that in some cases it was in fact the submissive doing the asking. 2. It was the way it started I was curious about.
3. Yes titles do differ, which was also part of the discussion. I brought up D/s and Dd, but of course specifically, but of course any dynamic can fit into the discussion (but it would be so long to bring them all up in the actual post ; ) ). And yes, the fact that so many of you have been married for so long is one of the things that have really fascinated me (and amazed at!)
So I certainly wasn't trying to exclude anyone, in fact I hope people of any dynamic will take part in the possible discussion : )

Kitty: LOL we sound like we are similar in more ways than our breasts LOL.
Yes I see it that way too, Sir isn't my husband, but He certainly is my Master and my closest friend. No one knows me as profoundly as He does. It's a nice feeling isn't it? : )

August 14, 2011 at 1:43 AM
Sweet girl said...

OK, that was so full of typos I'm disgusted by myself!

August 14, 2011 at 1:49 AM
Anonymous said...

Sweet girl,

No worries about the typos. I've made plenty of mistakes myself:)!

For me, having Daddy be my Master and my best friend makes him my safety net, in the best of ways. I wrote a post today on submission and I'd love to have you read it!


August 14, 2011 at 2:07 AM
Anonymous said...

I just wanted to say I've been been following your and Sir's blogs for a few months and it has really increased my interest in TTWD (or in my case, the thing I hope to do). It sounds so powerful, communicative, clear, and connected which is something I've wanted from relationships and I'm only now, later in life, exploring it. Thanks for being so honest about everything. Would you have a suggested bplace for a male who doesn't quite know for sure yet if he's a dom or a sub to get started? Google has also been... interesting... for me. :)

I don't have any of the accounts listed in the comment options but my twitter is @smutjohnson and I'll be watching here. best.

May 21, 2012 at 6:40 AM
melinda Sweetgirl said...

Hi Mr.Johnson, pleased to meet you!
Thank you for following and reading our blogs, and moreover for liking them :) oh and thank you for delurking!
Hmmm suggesting "a place" is difficult.
Firstly do you mean online? And what are you after? information in general or people to explore it with?
One thing i can say though, if you are unsure which side of the table you belong to (or if it's the middle) is to read, both fiction and non-fiction.
I found my way to ttwd through a fictive novel (that has gotten a lot of press lately!), reading it i found myself identifying with one of the main characters -the submissive.
So reading i think can be good, just for the fact that the scenarios that are being played out might spark some kind of recognition in you.
There aren't many places out there in the way of forums for Doms, although plenty for submissives. To explore and interact with other Dominants i suggest you have a look at my blog roll =)
I hope this helped you in some way or other at least.
Feel free to contact me via the chat or email too if you like.

May 21, 2012 at 9:12 AM

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