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Friday, August 31, 2012

He holds the key

I have to admit that i have always had issues with this, with making Him "responsible" for my submission. To me that have always felt like putting too much responsibility on Him, removing my own responsibility from it.
I am starting to see it differently. Or rather, i am starting to allow myself to see it differently. Because as much as i dislike admitting it, a lot of my submission comes from His Dominance -it's like a chain reaction. So ultimately, without due Dominance there is no submission. No, that's not right, no submission isn't correct, but what i'm trying to say is that for my submission to be.... active (?), it needs active Dominance. Without His Dominance i only have "my 50%" (see other post).
To actively be submissive -be His submissive- i need His Dominance. He holds the key to letting it out, making it active and making it prosper.
My responsibility lay in the.... being submissive? And being my best, for Him.
But He is the one who holds the key to it.
The thought still makes me slightly uncomfortable. Just like asking Him for help does (and accepting it). I know it shouldn't. I am His.
That means not only His responsibility to keep me safe and "up and running", it's His right to. He has the right to it, to it all.
My problem has never been with giving away the rights, but with the responsibility.
I give Him all my rights, but i really struggle with letting go off my responsibility. With that i don't mean i don't hold any responsibility myself, because in my view that can never be totally removed, but i mean in allowing Him to take responsibility for me. Does that make sense?

I don't know why i find that so difficult, maybe it's pride? But at least i have come to the realization that whether i like it or not, His Dominance affects my submission, which if you're to be brutally honest about it, means He is (partly) responsible for it and the way it's expressed.

I haven't seen Him helping me as one of His rights but as a burden. I'm starting to see though that it's all His, all of it and all of me. Although i have always considered myself to give all of me to Him, maybe in clinging on to that pride and deep seethed fear of....yeah, what? Vulnerability? In not letting Him take responsibility for me, in all things and all ways (and always), maybe i haven't truly given Him all of me like i have always thought and wanted to?
I realize now that i have never truly let go, and that that has probably been one of my issues all along.

I'm gonna need some time to digest that.
It's a no brainer really i know, but the meaning of it hadn't really dawned on me before now.

He not only holds the key, He holds the Master key (yeah i know! *rolls eyes heavenwards at self*), i may hold the original but it's old and getting a bit rusty and bent so should probably be used for emergency only =P

Watch as realization hits and the walls  

(Not intention of the day i can tell you that much!)

With love,


stumblingchi said...

It's hard to give up responsibility for ourselves, even partially. Sometimes even though I know that he desires that I do so, it's hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that he actually really does want that responsibility.

Maybe because we are submissive, it's hard to understand the flip side of it, the fact that taking responsibility for us feeds their dominance, makes them stronger, and is not only a desire of theirs, but even a need for a dominant man?

Thank you for such a thoughtful post. :-)

September 1, 2012 at 3:40 AM
melinda Sweetgirl said...

Oh and thank you for such a thoughtful comment chi! i think you're on to something there =)

September 2, 2012 at 10:40 AM

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