My submissive journey: December 2011

The Return of the Jedi

OK, maybe not quite, I'm no Yoda -although we are just about the same size! *LOL*

But I'm referring to myself. melinda is slowly finding her way back again -Sir has slowly pulled her back out from wherever she's gone in hiding. Amazing how He can do that even with extremely limited resources for communication!

So I'm slowly but surely finding my way back again, so beware -soon you'll have to put up with me again!

=P

An Update on The Addition

"The Addition" has been worked on -or rather sweated blood & tears and cursed over! But I think I'm getting somewhere =)

I would love it if you came over and took a peek at it! A lot has happened since the first announcement -there's now a Forum for example!

Welcome to my & Brutus' Naughty Café for a cuppa and a chat about anything and everything!

Silence

Hi all my readers,
I realize it's been a loud silence coming from here.
I'm supposed to write about my stay with Brutus for one. I've got writer's block. And more than that I miss Brutus and I don't want to write and just complain and feel sorry for myself. I'm also feeling tired and bored, neither really promotes creativity or wit.
So for now, I'll just break the silence by keeping you all updated.

I'll be back!

In the meantime I hope your holidays are fine and merry!

Just realized this is also my 150th post! =)

I want to wish all my readers a very Merry Xmas!

XXXmas PuSS

This week PuSS will be a bit different. In honor of the holidays I've decided to do a
Xmas Special Edition mixing Vintage with Contemporary which means that this week you'll be able to vote for more than one picture -but please, I ask you to only vote for one from each category. Oh, I'm also posting it a day early, for two reasons; for one where I come from we celebrate Christmas Eve not Christmas Day and also I figured most of you will be very busy on Sunday so I thought I'd get a head start =)

So to you all, may I wish you a very merrily kinky XXXmas

#1.1

#2.1

#3.1

#4.1

#5.1

Oh, I almost forgot last weeks winner!

Here it is:

Just a little Heads-up

I'm doing a Xmas special for the PuSS so the current voting will be closed a bit early (sometime today).

I hope you will enjoy it!

Master is Coming Home!!

Well, He's going back home to His place. It don't mean we'll be together but it does mean that there are no time zones in between us! And I'll "have Him back" for two days. Then He's off again, but for more joyful reasons =) He's going away for Christmas to spend it with His family. That makes me happy. I hate the fact that I will barely get to speak with Him at all for almost two whole weeks!! (Sir, You better be ready to have Your phone flooded with texts! =P) But knowing He will be with His family makes it a (little) bit easier. It will make Him happy. It will be good for Him. Thus it makes me happy (when I'm not being totally selfish and absolutely hate the idea! Which is a lot of the time. Well I hate the disconnection, not the fact that He will be with His family). I will miss Him sorely (understatement of the year!), but I will remember His words of love and think of the joy it will bring Him to be there and I will think of our last time together -and I' will keep myself busy! *lol*

But for now I will focus on Him being back in the same timezone as me again, and the time that we can spend "together" up till then.

Brutus, Welcome Home!!

I love You.

NO not that kind!!
(Well, unless you count me becoming an aunt again)

**Breathe Brutus breathe**

*LOL* recovered yet? =P

So what's the addition then? -I've started another blog!
It's still a TTWD blog but it won't be personal, it will be more reflective and topical and I hope it will become a place for people to meet and discuss things related to TTWD. I'm hoping it will become kinda interactive. I only started it yesterday so it's still a work in progress, but it is fully functional (I think!)

Anyways, feel free to pop in and take a look -and don't be frightened to say what you think of it! In fact I'd love your input.

Pitfalls

It's been a week since I started the post about my stay with Brutus -I'm sure it will take at least one more before I actually get it out to the public. Like I've written in my last post, basically just asking you all to bear with me, I'm a bit of a mess just now. Stuff in "RL" is going down and it's been taking a lot of my focus (OK, that's if you can ever call me focused), and as I said before I've fucked up with the meds. I'm hoping to get back on track with them soon, but it takes time.
I'm feeling down and tired. I'm not being a very good subbie just now, in fact truth be told I don't really feel all that submissive -no, I said "truth be told" then it should be told; I don't feel submissive at all. And that feeling throws me off further. Feeling submissive centers me, there's nothing centered about me at all just now. I'm running high but feeling low.

The crash that's come after leaving Brutus has had a bigger impact than normal -I think I might be having a sub-drop.
Happened after the first visit but it evened out after a couple days. Nothing like this.

I guess knowing Brutus will be away for a further two weeks with virtually no contact isn't helping either. Last Christmas was hard because it was all so new, had it not been for the fact that my visit, His overseas travel and Xmas separation all came at the same time it wouldn't be so much of an issue, I don't think.

I'm feeling bad for not being the subbie I should be. I'm not really at all at the moment. I'm supposed to go gym today, I haven't been. That's disobeying a direct order and breaking a promise all rolled into one. I hate disappointing Sir, I really do. The day is not over yet, it's only 1 in the afternoon, but I doubt I'll get there. The day started like an Armageddon. I'm drained. I'm not being bratty, I just don't seem to be able to force myself to do it, even though I want to. Because I do, and it would do me good. A world of good. But I don't have the energy to go. I can't bring myself to do it.
Even knowing that Sir will be disappointed in me. And frustrated. And disappointed. (Yeah, I know I already said that)
It makes my heart sink.
I seriously hope I'm back on track soon. As it is life just sucks. Only thing positive right now is that I know I'm helping a very close friend of mine that is in great turmoil (at least I'm good for something!), and that Brutus will be home for 2 days before He leaves again. MY two days! Everyone else will have to take a ticket and stand in line. MY two days. (Yes how un-submissive isn't that!! But Sir has granted me it so it don't matter! *grins*)

Anyways this is it for now.

Pin-up Sexy Sunday Kink II

This week the Kink goes on!

Winner from last week's kinky PuSS

Next week it's Xmas!

Spaghetti Head

I'm working on a post -well two actually- the first one is a post on masochism, the other one a kind of "summary" of my last stay with Brutus. But I'm not really getting anything done. My head's in a spin, my thoughts are jumbled and I'm feeling a bit lost and confused right now. It's been a hard landing with Sir going away for work in a different time zone. The time after my visit is always a bit.... "off", it takes a while to readjust to LDR again after having spent time together so intimately. This time there really hasn't been any readjustment, only crashing -a complete nosedive to be truthful. On top of that I've been bad with my meds lately, that don't help at all. And add to that that The Brat really has been a complete and totally horrendous Mega Brat these last few days...well, I'm kind of a bit of a mess.

So, please don't give up on me -I'll be back with you all shortly, sharing gory details, messy thoughts, bad attitudes and...well real life.

Please, bear with me.

Pin-up Sexy Sunday

The winner of last weeks Top 10 Winner's Celebration is pin up playing cards01 Pin Up Playing Cards

PuSS

This week is going to be slightly different, the pin-ups are not going to be vintage and the theme is KINK

-I hope you'll enjoy!

sorry it's late again!

Bleed

I am working on a post about masochism, it's a bit of a hefty one though, so I thought I'd just share this with you all in the meantime.

I think it has a lot of ttwd in it.
Anyways, it's not to everyone's taste, so for those of you who ~~ain't hardcore enough~~ can't get through it I'll also post the lyrics.

I love it though!

(enjoy!)

As end nigh, I need you to bleed for me.
And you, I need you to kneel for me.
Just one loosing battle is left to fight.
Your colors will stay frozen, red on white.
And I, I'll show how to bleed for me.

Don't let your anger turn to me.
Don't let your hunger feed on me.
Don't let your anger turn to me.
Don't let your hunger feed on me.

The gravel state of pain I have put you in.
The sacrifice and fear i will curse your skin.
But still, I crave more then you could give.

The ritual is born in this human waste.
My lips are covered with you escaping taste.
And now, yes now you can shine through me.

Don't let your anger turn to me.
(All of your hatred makes me bleed.)
Don't let your hunger feed on me.
(All your emotions makes me sick.)
Don't let your anger turn to me.
(All of your rose won't be redeemed.)
Don't let your hunger feed on me.
(Don't let your hunger feed on me.)

Brutus has a habit of waking me up in the middle of the night for sex, last night was no exception. I was lying on my side so He tried to enter me spooning. Didn't really work out (I'm....difficult at the best of times) so I decided to give Him a blow job, He let me (surprise surprise! *lol*). After a bit I felt really horny and crawled up and straddled Him. This is not something we've done so much, in fact I think this might even have only been the second time ever. I've always had a bit of a complex about Cowgirl, but boy am I happy I disregarded that this time! Why?
Because I had my first vaginal orgasm -EVER! And all I have to say is; OMG! no rather OMFG!! Yeah, kinda enjoyed that *lol*

After a few minutes of heavy breathing and Brutus showering me with praise I resumed what I was doing from the beginning, i e giving Brutus a blow job. Nothing as spectacular as mine I'm afraid, but then again He'd gotten quite a nice home-coming surprise earlier that evening =P I'm sure He survives -till the next one, I'm sure there will be several hours till then *lol*.

Anyways, the big news was that I had my first vaginal orgasm ever! And all you girls out there that get one just about every time -you don't know how lucky you are!