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Sunday, July 17, 2011

The before and the after

Being in an LDR is very different from being RT, I believe  - it has both it's advantages and disadvantages. Advantages being that you really get to know each other on a personal level, not just within the D/s roles. Now for you in Dd (i e marriage, however you'd label your dynamic) this is already the case of course. It can get very intense and the bond can become very deep, strong.
I feel I have this with my Sir  - and I felt it long before we even met. I had very strong feelings for Him  - strong feelings I at first refused to acknowledge as love, but it is; I love Him. He has reached into the very depth of my soul.
Now, I have been engaged before  - long before i found D/s  - now it might not have been snow white vanilla, but it was vanilla all the same. It was nothing like this. We were like tornado and volcano; it was intense and passionate  - and a complete disaster (in the end). I loved him, deeply, intensely -so much that it hurt. But it was nothing like this. Master has reached my soul in a way that I never thought even possible. It doesn't come from fire or passion  (I no longer think that reaches the soul, merely other parts of you like heart, brain and body  - but not soul), no His reach is far more than that. It touches every piece of me; heart, mind, body and soul. And it comes not from explosions  - it comes from steadfastness, security, sensibility and trust. I trust Him to do what is best for me, to want was is best for me. What is best for Us.
Trust.
Safety.
Honesty.
Openness.
Transparency.
You don't get that in a vanilla relationship  - never to the same extent.

Now back to the before and after.
I felt all this before. Before we met. Now?
God I don't even know if I can describe the difference!
Before I wanted Him  - now I crave Him!
Before I felt His Dominance over me  - now I feel it in me!
Before I felt like His  - now I am His!
Before..... before was deep, now is deeper.

Before it sucked that I couldn't be with Him  - now I'd do just about anything to be with Him.
But....it doesn't make it possible.
Because life doesn't care about these things.
It doesn't care about the before and the after.
But it makes a difference.
It makes a difference because there is a before and an after  - it makes a difference, because now I feel different, now I don't long for, I ache  - ache for Him. But it is worth it, it is so worth it  - because I've been touched to the soul, and the soul don't forget -ever!
And no matter what, distance or not, I am His; I am His and it thrills me, arouses me, comforts me and humbles me.
The before was good  - great even! The after is magnificent.
Tough, but magnificent.

With love,

2 comments:

mijena said...

Yes being in a LDR is different. It's tough, but the rewards are so worth it. I think from a LDR you learn to communicate on a totally different level than you do if you were RT. You have to communicate well otherwise you won't survive. And when you get to experience RT if only for a short period of time. It is so worth, so much more intense. I wish you well in your LDR.

July 18, 2011 at 2:31 AM
Sweet girl (aka NewToThisLife07) said...

Yes, that is exactly what I meant, about the communication, it's completely different from rt, although i'm not quite sure _how_ it is different -it just is.

Thank you for your well wishes :)

July 18, 2011 at 10:33 PM

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