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Thursday, July 28, 2011

The workings of our minds


I just saw a really interesting program. It was about this 25 year old guy that had one day, sitting on the train, suddenly lost his memory. Just like that.
Apparently the condition is called fugue. It's a type of amnesia that only affects your emotional memory. He could still walk, talk, even play football -but he couldn't remember anyone or anything about himself.
That must be so scary, to just wake up in a hospital with loads of people telling you that they're family, friends. But you have no way of really knowing. You have to take other peoples word for everything about you. Who you are, who you've been, what you've done..... that must be scary as shit!

But it did make me kind of jealous at the same time. He said so himself; he got to restart his whole life from the beginning, he could now shape who he is, who he wants to be and how he wants to lead his life. And it got me thinking  - wouldn't that be nice?! Just wipe it clean, start from the beginning. Of course there are things that you don't want to forget -like your daughter. My dad, even though the memories are few and far from perfect, they are all I have of him and I can't make any new ones.
Oh and Master..... because would there be anyway of me even knowing of His existence? Well, actually yes, Teresa would tell me about it come to think of it. But the emotional ties would be gone  -which of course is not desirable at all.

But it also got me thinking about the physical and physiological aspect of it. Although my brain would still have the (assumed) scarring of it's tissue, would the loss of the memory of the actual depression make any difference? Would it make any difference on the current mental health status? Does the mind remember the episodes and therefore put it in a worse state than it actually is physically?
Now of course it wouldn't change the chemical imbalance which is the root cause of the condition, but I wonder if it could alter the actual state of mind due to it? I'd still be bipolar. I'd still have the same problems. But would the loss of the emotional baggage and the "muscle memory" of the worst episodes put one on a more even keel?

It's an interesting thought.
And just like anything else it would of course have it's pro's and it's con's.

Oh I just thought of another thing! Would it change me in TTWD? It took me 30 years to find myself here, would I lose that part of me? Even though it is a part of who I am, my sexuality. Can one lose one's sexuality, or is it something that is imprinted in us? Imprinted but needs personal discovery?

If you removed all the emotional scars that we bear with us, would we still be the same -or would we lose our essence?
Would we go back to who we were previously, only with the ability to change all that was bad, all that we did wrong? Still be 'me' only better?

With love,

2 comments:

baby girl said...

What an interesting thought!

I wouldn't mind getting situational fugue, though :-)

July 29, 2011 at 7:13 PM
Sweet girl said...

situational fugue -perfect! LOL

July 31, 2011 at 1:42 AM

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