Saturday, January 21, 2012
Realignment
Sometimes a sub needs to be realigned. Brought back to the straight and narrow path that her Master leads her on. At least i do. Right now is one of those times.
I need an attitude check.
It is not that i disobey or brat, but i do comply begrudgingly sometimes. I don't do well with this, realigning is far more difficult than straying is. And i have more difficulty with this than Brutus does. Which at large is from the one of the biggest downfalls of LDRs; the lack of body language. Sure we could Skype or video chat. We don't. Probably because we never did from the start so it's not what we are accustomed to. I also think i'd feel weird doing that during play. Although i do see it's advantages too, but i think i'd feel awkward.
So, with the lack of body language, a big tool of "reading off" the other person is lost. Hence the fact that Sir did not know the extent of this. Sure He knows when i'm not thrilled at something -i can't fake for the life of me! No matter how hard i try. He actually said so Himself last night, He notices it by me getting a bit sarcastic when i'm asked, or told, to do something that i'm not too excited about. But that is a part of my personality. I am like that a lot in my verbal communication. Now, i don't mean snarky, but i do use a lot of sarcasm. And cheekyness. And attitude. None of this in an offensive or bratty manner (although some people sometimes take it like that, but is their bad communication skills, not mine =P), and all are traits of my personality rather than behaviour (if that makes sense?). Brutus totally accept this as part of being me, in fact i think He likes it (?). Of course i'm not allowed to be rude or bratty by any means, but it's not really who i am or how i work either.
Right now i need an "attitude check". It's not about punishment, but correction. About telling me off when i have a bad attitude, rather than just being me (i make it easy for Him don't i? *lol*)
I realize i am the one who has to do most of the work on this. If i were there He could see this coming and stop me in my tracks. A word, a look, a "melinda", would suffice. Only i never have this issue when i am with Sir. I don't really need correction at all when i am with Him. I guess distance affects me more at some times than others. Having a lot going on affects me a lot too. I get out of sorts. I lose focus and direction. I lose my center. I lose my mindset.
What i don't lose is my true submission, my love for Brutus or my devotion to Him or to our relation, either as Dom and sub or to the Vanilla side of it. But i do lose focus of my attitude and mindset.
But i am still His. All His. Completely. Definitively. Absolutely.
Just like always.
Just like always.
3 comments:
It is all a matter of adopting, melinda. These things are reactive specially since as you say I have no issue with your cheekiness and wits.
January 21, 2012 at 8:37 PMAny way, you are indeed mine so I will have to find a way of dealing with it. And I will.
You are also very sensitive to this, and thanks to your fundamental submissive desire you have brought up the issue before it got out of hand.
Puss melinda, we will get you back on track.
some days we just know we need that "correction" guidance or putting back on the tracks - and you have recognised this and very articulately asked Brutus for help :) well done, im sure as he says you will get back on track soon :)
January 23, 2012 at 12:08 AMlove and hugs kiwi xxxx
I agree with kiwigirliegirl. Because you never lose your true submission, your love for Brutus or your devotion to your relationship, you will get back on track.
January 23, 2012 at 10:12 AMHugs, squirrel
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