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Friday, September 2, 2011

Drama


The many Me.

This post is supposed to be a background story to explain my Epiphany post. 
To explain how such a simple thing as feeling happiness can be such a huge deal.

I'm bipolar.
I have ADHD.
I have aggression issues.
I have a serious temper that I constantly battle to keep in check -and have a lot of the time failed at.
I have times of inertia.
I have times of being wound up.
I have times of being curled up.
It has been dark.
It's been cold.

I've been cold.

But lo and behold!

There is also warmth.




x  x  x  x  x





Being bipolar means having a lot of faces, a lot of state of minds, a lot of ups and downs. A lot of turmoil. Add to that a portion of ADHD and you've got the perfect recipe of disaster and chaos.







Where it all began.


The severe & dark.

The Black hole.
The iron clad, where the mask is getting too heavy to bear.

  



Where Master found me.

-My soul has been dead. Master reawakened it. I don't know if it was something he actively did or otherwise- but reawakened I am.

No matter if I was sad, miserable or "happy" the core was always how you see it in the picture.
Dead.
In this case "happy" was being able to laugh, have fun.
Master made me happy from the start, very happy - to the capacity I was capable of.
He made me happy as in 'feeling good'.
It's funny how the same feeling can be so different at different times.




x  x  x  x  x 




Breaking through

Now. Not so much a mask as a feeling. I can see beauty. I can see the shimmer of gold in the sunset and the silver lining of the clouds. I can see the colours of the rainbow, I can smell the grass in the rain and see the beauty of the flowers. I can see, I can smell, I can feel; I'm getting my senses back! Behind me are the sad, heavy and dark masks, in front of me shimmering gold and flowers.



Feeling for real.







Feelings reaching all the way into the soul.







Feelings of Love & Joy






Edit:
P.S. This post was written for it's positive ending, not to generate pity. But to show how far I have come over the last year and that my life is better than it has been for years : )

With love,

5 comments:

Histoy said...

Heartfelt hugs coming your way....

September 2, 2011 at 2:04 PM
littlemonkey said...

This is most definitely not a subject of pity, it is a cause for joy!!!

I am bipolar, and I have ADD without the hyperactivity. I cried when I saw your masks. I recognized every one.

September 2, 2011 at 11:16 PM
Sweet girl said...

Hugs to you my monkey friend! It is a cause for joy indeed! (Sending some your way too!)

Thank you Histoy, I'll take them as happy hugs though : )

September 3, 2011 at 1:22 AM
Elder said...

you have shown a lot of courage melinda

September 3, 2011 at 11:33 AM
Sweet girl said...

Thank You Sir, although I am not so sure if courage had anything to do with it.

September 3, 2011 at 11:49 AM

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