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Monday, September 12, 2011

Even more on tears, letting go and spankings.

I have written about this previously, in a few different takes on the subject, now I find myself back here again. Mainly because I have progressed, I feel better, I'm at a better & happier place and this is now something that I want actively, not just theoretically. I'm of course talking of Him bringing me to tears. To spank me till I go into a zone outside of erotic spanking.

Me and Master had a conversation about this (again) last night. He has some concerns -He's a sensible man. He want to be sure that things we do will be for the good and not backfire. His main concern is about me being bipolar and that it will do just that; backfire.
It is what previously has been my concern too. Just like it is the reason I won't go in therapy. I don't want to open up the door to that big black hole again -I need to be sure that I can finish the emotional trip it will bring before I even think about finding the key to the door, let alone unlock it and open it.
I think I have reached that place, with Master. I would not be able to do it with a therapist.
I know Master. I trust Him. I love Him. I know He wouldn't take me further than I could take; He don't want to break His favourite toy! (Boys and their toys! *LOL*) I know He loves me back, He don't want me to come to no harm. He knows me.

We will get there. When we both are ready. When we both will get something positive out of it. It's not something that could be done at His timing -it would have to be at my choosing. When I need it. When I feel the time is right. The time is right now, but the timing has to be as such that it feels right at that exact moment, i e I get the feeling of needing it. When that time is (and I am with Him obviously -the two kinda has to coincide *LOL*) I will ask for it. I will go to Him and ask Him to spank me beyond my normal limits. Not to bring tears to my eyes, not to make a couple flow over and trickle down my cheeks, but the kind I wrote of in the crying post;

"Tears can bring an incredible relief, catharsis. 
Especially when you've cried floods and start sobbing and heaving and snotting  (the latter not being all that attractive *lol*)."
A therapist would backtrack in time, dissect my whole life, split it up into bits and pieces. It's not what I'm seeking. I'm not looking to "come to terms with my life" or anything like that. I'm looking for emotional cleansing, of letting go. Letting go and letting in. I'm looking to bring my progress forward, to take this "good" and make it "better". To take this "genuinely happy" to an even higher level, deeper level. To empty -or at least make lighter- the rucksack full of bricks on my back. To cleanse the palate like a fine wines connoisseur before he moves on to the next glass. That's what I want; to feel refreshed, lighter. Make room for new and better things and letting go of the old and heavy. To keep taking steps forward, to move further on this journey of life. To become as happy as I can be. To let go. To break down those walls and give myself freely and fully to my beloved Master. The man that brings me light & joy and keeps me safe & sound. To reach His first and foremost goal for me; "to be a better person for herself and for those that matter to her"  - His words.

Like I said, He's a clever and sensible man. He's a good leader, He will lead me safely and soundly forward, in the pace that He feels comfortable with, a pace He is confident that I can take, that is good for us both.

When the time is right.


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With love,


William said...

Thank you for your thoughts on spanking to tears. I always appreciate your input, and enjoy our correspondence. It helps me to hear from the submissive side. Great post!


September 12, 2011 at 1:58 AM
Sweet girl said...

Thank you William! :)

September 12, 2011 at 2:08 AM
kiwigirliegirl said...

I have been at that stage once....sobbing heaving snotting everywhere...the release was unforgetable, it was an amazing experience - and the comforting afterward the best ever. I dont want to get to that stage everytime I dont need to get to that stage every time. I usually alwasy cry - but i guess taht when i need to reach that stage again - it will happen

September 12, 2011 at 5:38 AM
Sweet girl said...

kiwi; definitely not for every time -this is for *occasion only* and yes, there need to be lots and lots of after care, of picking up and putting back together again -in the way only true care and intimacy can!
I can't wait for it to happen! But, timing is everything :)

September 12, 2011 at 5:43 AM
Elder said...

melinda, exactly because you do not cry easily, and hold your tears back it is very difficult to regulate. There will be a fine line between having you in tears in a positive way and "breaking my favorite toy" (I like that way of putting it). As I said I want to be able to use you again and again and again... As with many things in life: When the time is there we will know.
Oh and then there is the after care: Snuggle, kiss, hug.... treat your welts with tiger balsam... :-P

September 12, 2011 at 7:46 AM
Sweet girl said...

*LMAO* You silly old bear! ; )
(Sounds good though :P)

September 12, 2011 at 7:49 AM
Sweet girl said...

P.S. Didn't use to cry easily ; )

September 12, 2011 at 7:51 AM

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