My submissive journey: November 2011

The One

Now it's only ONE day left!
24 hours.
A lot of that time will be spent travelling so that's cool.

Soon I will be Home again.

=)

Types

There are different kinds of Doms, subs, domination and submission.

There are Jackasses and fakes. There are Trolls. There are predators. There are those that truly think they are a Dom but in fact only are domineering or even right out male chauvinistic pigs. There are the same of subs. OK maybe they ain't so chauvinistic.
But there's also a small percentage of good ones, and an even smaller percentage of great ones. (I would put mine as the latter, not because He reads this blog but because I'm biased =P)

T1klish's post Selfless Saint or Jackass? inspired Brutus to write a post of His own -I love them both! (blogposts that is, I only love One of them ;) ) Their posts inspired this one (sorry to jump on the wagon! But I found I had some thoughts about it).

T1klish says:

"One thing I've learned reading BDSM type blogs is that Doms are all selfless saints. Everything they do is for the good of their sub, and they miraculously know what their sub's needs are, better than the sub does."

The good ones does!

But not because they are all-knowing or superhuman or saints -but because they took the time to listen, to get to know their sub; what she wants, needs, likes, dislikes, tolerates and not. What makes her tick. What is she good at? What are her weaknesses? What does she need to work on? Work on to become a better submissive to Him, to be a better person for the people around her, to be happier with herself?

She goes on to say:

"It just happens that the sub needs exactly what the Dom wants to give.

The Dom wants sex at difficult times for the sub - the sub needs sex at difficult times.

The Dom wants to cause pain - the sub needs pain.

The Dom wants to disfigure the sub - the sub needs to be disfigured.

The Dom wants to humiliate - the sub needs humiliation.

The Dom doesn't want to use a condom - the sub needs the risk of pregnancy and STD's."

Mostly. Sometimes. Yes. Mostly. NO. NO.

That's the answers in my own case.

I will clarify:

-Brutus is my first Dom. He's defined me as a submissive. Not only as His submissive. He was the One that found the submissive residing deep within me -even if I looked for Him myself.

-I like sex. Simple. And considering I have no other responsibilities than Him when I'm with Him that is easy.

-I'm a masochist, a painslut some might say. I don't only like pain, I crave it. But not because He is a Sadist, but because I am a masochist. I'm lucky, we're compatible that way. The disfigurement ties in with that. This doesn't always mean I want it at exactly the same time as Him. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes we move ahead anyways and I find I did need it and came to like it in the end, often even coming out the other side being more collected and content. Sometimes not. Sometimes He let's me off the hook if I'm really not in the mood for it -or rather that I'm not really in any mood to take it, which in turn won't really give Him anything.

-I'm really not into humiliation - in fact as I've stated before- if something could break me that would be it! So I'm lucky to have a Dom that don't crave it (even though He likes it), because for me that is a show-stopper, it is the most solid hard limit I have I think, well apart from...let's say certain body fluids.And some other stuff.

-I wouldn't take that risk for another person. Whether I use a condom or not is my choice and I would not have that disrespected in any way.

Like I said, I'm a very lucky girl. I have a Master that want what's best for me. That means that sometimes His wants and needs will be set aside if they collide with mine. Sound un-Domly? If you think about it it's not; He don't want to break His favourite toy. Also His submissive is important to Him and appreciated as a person, not only a 'plaything'. I think (please correct me if I'm wrong here Sir, although I don't think I am) that the most satisfying part for Him is the fact that He has control over me and that He can use that control for good, to make me "better". Not only for Him, but also for myself. He feeds on me thriving. Especially if it is His doing.

Sir's post was more of a parody. It pointed out how the many different types of Dominants there are. In a comical stereotypical kind of way.

Both T1klish and Sir wrote of the Jackass Dom -there's plenty of them! Most of them I wouldn't even call Doms. Most of them just want a sub to be able to rule over someone without giving anything in return -basically having someone to fuck and adore them anytime they want in any way they want, no questions asked and nothing asked in return. There is no "giving back". There is no thriving.

There are plentyful and plentyful again of them on BDSM oriented dating sites. CollarMe for example. God believe me there are enough jackasses and trolls and pretenders on that site!! I can only say ONE good thing about it; I met Brutus there. I was lucky. The percentage of serious and good Doms is exceedingly low!

I believe the same goes for submissives. Considering there's about 10 submissives to every Dom (or so I've heard) the Doms must have an even harder time sifting through them all.

A "Good Dom" is not scared to show affection. A GD is not afraid to ask for help from His submissive with something where her competence is higher than His. Because He is secure in His role. He is confident in Himself. And He holds confidence in His sub.

As for all the rest they are just Jackasses in one form or another -this includes submissives with the same traits too.

Please note though, as the blog says in the beginning; there are different styles of Dominantion and submission, just as there is different types of Dominants and submissives. All that matters is that the two people match each others wants and needs and style. They need to be compatible.

Like I said I am a lucky girl; not only did I find all that in Him -He's crazy enough to love me as well! Crazy, crazy man... But I love Him too! Crazily so. So we're both a bit crazy I guess -only I'm certified =P

Certifiably crazy and immensely happy and content.

Jackass/Pretend Doms go screw yourselves! And let the good subbies find someone good to screw them

That is the question....

Two it is!

Wow! Only 2 days to go now =)

Time is ticking with stuff still to be done; packing (getting a bag to start with! :P), shipping The Brat off to nana, get ticket for the airport bus, dye hair, groom...
And then all the everyday stuff too -should keep me somewhat busy at least =)

Illusions

3 faces optical illusion -can you spot them?

Pin-up Sexy Sunday (PuSS)

PuSS

Last weeks winner: pin up playing cards01 Pin Up Playing Cards

Theme of this week: Travel

Burning Brightly

That's my longing, my desire, my craving and my lust -all burning brightly in anticipation to see Brutus again.
My Master. My friend. My lover. My guide. My Home.

Soon, soon I'll be Home. Home in His arms. Burning brightly, in many many ways = P

In 5 days time these colourful hand prints won't only be on this page, but burning brightly elsewhere -doesn't that hand in the top left corner look good? ; )

I know Brutus likes that colour, in all it's differing shades.

5 days and then I'll feel Him imprint on me
=P

Sex and explanations

First I want to explain why the countdown posts have come a bit erratic. I have had problems with scheduling my posts, Blogger has not obeyed my commands! Huh, go figure, it must know I'm a submissive! *LOL* Anyways, I just wrote a moaning test post about it, and lo and behold of course it worked! Shouldn't really complain about that should I?

Anyways, the explanation is that the posts have been posted as and when I've been able to. So like yesterday, although it was posted when it was 7 days left, it was in fact 7 days and 23 hours left.

And sometimes I've posted it with just a couple hours left of the day, hence the confusion of there sometimes being two countdown posts with the same date. Also the day-break isn't at midnight but at 19:55 -the time of my scheduled landing *grins* That's what the timer on the front page is set to and it's that one I follow.

OK, so now I'm going to confess that there is actually not anything about sex in this post at all!

But it's how you say 6 in my language -I just thought it would draw your attention =P *sneaky*

It was difficult choosing a picture for this one; there were so many cute ones, but being a metal head there were so many cool ones too.

I decided on this one, it's from a short animated student film of 11 minutes, called 9, that Tim Burton and Shane Acker turned into a full feature-length movie. To promote the movie they handed out small character cards at Comic Con International (2009). This card is -obviously- number six, and it being "to lead us" and being the number nine reversed, I found it apt, tying in with my number nine post and of course with Dominance.

So, with the scheduling seemingly working again I hope the countdown will stop being so confusing.

Does Lucky 7 make for good Decisions?

(*Re-posted with Post Script*)

Today the countdown is down to 7.

7 days.

A week.

Usually I would be put on abstinence as of today -both pain and pleasure- to make sure I'm gagging for it by the time I arrive (haha yes, pun intended).

This time things have worked out a bit different.

For those of you that read Brutus' blog you already know this, but for the rest of you this is what's happened to make this change happen:

I have a set exercise target of at least 1 day/week at the gym + walking to/from nursery as much as possible (that's a bit over a mile and a half/ just under 3km). This is a self-imposed target that has actually been lowered from 3 times a week. So really it shouldn't be difficult at all to reach, especially considering I used to practically live at the gym a while back.
After some times absence (for several reasons) I'm finding it hard to get back into it. I know it's mostly a mental block. That and I'm starting to feel a bit....not low, ambivalent might be a better choice of word.

Last week Thursday I had still not been gym and daughter had been home from nursery all week so I hadn't even been walking. OK, a week ends Sunday (right?) but Brutus asked me if I had been at all.

No, I said ashamedly.

When will you do it?

Friday or Sunday.

(I had a kiddies birthday party to go to on Saturday that would take up the whole day and evening).

OK.

Actually, I want you to go tomorrow.

Yes, Sir. (Now wasn't that a stupid thing to say?!)

Good then.

He jokingly said (well half-jokingly anyways) that otherwise He might just impose a restriction on me so that I will only be allowed to masturbate in the sauna of the gym.
(Now shouldn't this be a great incentive to go??)

I promised I would go.

I don't usually break promises. I never defy out of spite or to be difficult. I do grumble a bit sometimes. Even openly. But I usually do what I'm supposed to do.
I rarely get punished -in fact I can't remember the last time I was!
I just like to please. To please Him all the more.
It brings me satisfaction to do so and it makes me happy. Even more so if I know it makes Him happy.

Sir is also very lenient and gives me a lot of freedom. And He takes waaaaay more cheekyness than most Doms. Not because He is a softy (well apart from when He's my Huggy-Bear *grins*) or because He isn't in control, but because it's the way He likes it (Thank God for that!).
He likes my cheekyness. Not to be confused with brattyness!
He likes me being playful and fun-loving.

However, in this case He decided something needed to be done before it came to the point of punishment. This was now Friday and I still hadn't been to the gym. As I had promised.

I pleaded with Him and cajoled that the week really does end on a Sunday.
Fine, week ends on Sunday so there was no punishment on the Friday, but a telling off for not following the "say what you do and do what you say" motto.
And He decided that something needed to be done right then.
So He imposed that masturbation restriction. It was no longer a joke -or even a half joke!
From now till the day before I leave I will only be allowed to masturbate in the sauna of the gym -and only after I've exercised!

Again, great motivator to actually do the exercise right?

Hmm, yeah one would think.
I know, I know.... I've been a bad girl and not gone. I didn't go on Sunday (this restriction actually saved my ass from a punishment on Sunday! I'd forgotten the daughter had footie practice that would most likely keep me away from the gym -this was pure luck though!). Or Monday, Tuesday or today.

This time I don't have the one week abstinence, because of the masturbation restriction.
I kinda like that week of abstinence though.
Well, OK like may be the wrong word here -it's very very very frustrating! But I like the effect of it. And yeah, considering I'm a masochist I like the suffering a bit =P Even if it means no physical pain.

There is one other thing though, and that is I am supposed to lose at least 1kg before I go, with a target of 2kg. Somehow I've gained.....a few kg over the summer = ( And I had done SO well with my weight loss! Now I'm back to square one more or less. *Red faced with shame and eyes lowered in contrition*
I really do feel bad about that. For failing. And for going from actually starting to like my body to that once again not.
If I fail this it will result in my first punishment delivered by Brutus in person (OK, that is a really appealing idea, but I won't be aiming for it. Really, I won't!).

Anyways...what I'm wondering now is if I should impose the one week abstinence on myself (unless Master would request of me to masturbate or inflict pain on myself of course!). The thought is appealing. I know it has a good effect. But why oh why is it like my body realized today was that day, the day that would be imposed?! Because it's first today that I've become really horny! Yes, like in a need sense. Not just a oh it would be nice sense.

It is so typical isn't it?!

*LOL*

But I think I might just run with it anyways -it does have a very very good effect!
Doesn't it Sir? What do You think?

I do wonder though, will I look like this

by the end of the week? *LOL*
Yeah probably!

BUT, I think it will have me look like this

before we even get home from the airport!

Decisions, decisions....

Anyhow, we're down to

- just in case you hadn't noticed yet!

= )

P.S. I'm re-posting this today to correct the dates to avoid confusion. Further explanation will be found in the next countdown post.
(Tomorrow, Friday)

The clock is ticking on and is now at 8 days.

I liked this picture it gave me....

nice connotations

= D

(Sir, do I need to put on my wish list that I want that rope? Or is that a given? ^_^)

The Number Nine.

In history the number 9 has been an important numeric symbol.

Ancient Greek pagans held nine sacred because to them nine symbolized the 9 Muses or sister goddesses, daughters of Zeus and Mnenosyne, who were believed to preside over mankind's activities on earth.

The ancient pagan people from north west Italy, the Etruscans, worshipped nine gods. Nine was also a holy number in Rome. According to Texe Marrs, "the Romans honored the goddess Nundina by holding a purification ceremony for male infants on their ninth day of life. In addition, every ninth year the Romans held a feast in memory of the dead."

Satanists take delight in the number nine for a couple of reasons. First, Satanists enjoy reversing, mirroring and inverting symbols, letters and numbers. When you turn the number "9" upside down you get "6" which makes up the number of the Beast (666) as revealed in Revelation 13:18 in the Bible. Second, Satanists take perverse pleasure in commemorating the death of Christ and the death of Christ is associated with the number nine. Mark 15: 34-37 reveals that Christ spoke his last words on the Cross of Calvary at the ninth hour and "gave up the ghost (died)."

According to W. W. Wescott nine holds great significance among many Masonic orders and secret societies. He said, "There is a Masonic order of Nine Elected Knights in which nine roses, nine lights, and nine knocks are used." In fact the number nine is the number of "the earth under evil influences."

In summary, the number 9 is an important numeric symbol to many occult groups and sole practitioners. Unlike the number 13 that almost all people know has some superstitious implications, the number 9 would be considered "just another number" by the average person.

source: logo resource pages

But more importantly it's the amount of days left till I get to be with Brutus again.

Now it really starts ticking down!

Count with me -

TEN!

Pin-up Sexy Sunday (PuSS)

Last weeks winner:

This weeks PuSS theme: Numbers

#1

#2

#3

#4

#5

#6

Eleven Days to go!

Going Down

I should have started this two days ago -it's Countdown time!

Thirteen Lucky Number

Yep, there we go! 12 days and counting....

VBA's

Yep they are floating about en masse right now. It's a great way of getting and giving PR to the blogs we enjoy in our part of Bloggerland. It's not always easy to find blogs of other like-minded people, often we do this through peoples blogrolls, the VBA makes it easier, a bit like LOL-day pulls out the lurkers the VBA's pull out the blog recommendations.

Yesterday I received one from cuddlykitten -Thank you for that! However I won't do another post on it since I have already done the one, you can find it here.
Again, thank you cuddlykitten for the shout out! It's appreciated.

Origins

My readers are spread all over the world, some in surprising places, like for instance who would've thought that Russia would make the all time top ten? Or that India would make number 6 of the month? Or even less that Bahrain would be in the top ten of the week? I also have readers in South Korea, Hong Kong, Brazil, New Zealand, US, UK and all over Europe too.

That's pretty awesome!

So a big thank you to all my readers out there -where ever in the world you are!

Completely irrelevant

Yes this post is a completely irrelevant vanilla post -so be warned!

I just came from "Twiday" -a whole night of Twilight movies! All 4 of them with the world premiere of Breaking Dawn Part 1.

OMG it was fucking incredible!!

Yes, I'm one of those TwiMoms =P

Just in case there are some more sane people out there that likes Twilight I won't spoil anything -all I'll say is; best one yet!

Pin-up Sexy Sunday

Last weeks PuSS:

This weeks theme: Sneaking a peek /Voyeur

#1

Enjoy!

Failings

I haven't been managing my exercise as of late, mostly for valid reasons, but for everyday i miss out it makes it twice as hard the next. Let's say it's mounted up to a few days by now (a heck of a lot of days to be truthful!). I was supposed to exercise today, didn't happen -again for a valid reason, although i suppose i could've managed if i'd really really tried to. But i made other priorities. Fairly good ones for "reality", but for following orders, well not so much.

I'm sorry for this, i really am. I never outright disobey. But I procrastinate, I put things off till the last minute and they don't work out because suddenly i don't have that minute to play with.

Dear Sir, i know we've discussed this and that it is "done with" (retrospectively), i'm not wallowing I promise.

Now i have a new task; to come up with a....suggestion of a level of activity to keep up.
This is a difficult one. I tend to be overambitious in my estimate which means that in the long run i will fail. So i'm gonna try to be reasonable -i mean anything above stated amount is a bonus right? And You know how i like my gold stars =D

So here goes:

A minimum of 1 hour at the gym a week
walking to and from nursery as much as possible (1.8km one way).

LOL

Love Our Lurkers Day

Yup today is the day we show all our lurkers some appreciation for reading and invites them to contribute by leaving a comment.

Think you don't have anything to contribute?

That you are "too new" to ttwd?

Don't agree with what is being said?

Maybe you have more questions than answers?

Well, it's exactly what we want!

Different opinions, perspectives and personalities is what makes the blogs what they are -without the commenters we'd be writing in silence and I for one would soon be discouraged and quit. In the comments we find support, friendship and often good information and different takes on things we wonder about.

It's also a great place for venting and to process feelings and thoughts.

Thank you all for reading my blog! I hope that maybe now you will delurk and drop a line, even if it's just to say Hi!

I did a Google search to find an image, and out of all places in webspace the picture came from DV's blog! *lol*

sometimes the world really is small!

Be careful what you wish for

For my birthday I got a "Gift Voucher" from Brutus. This gives me an evening of my choosing. So what to wish for? It's a difficult task -one I'm not particularly good at! I'm not so fond of asking for things.

But it's my birthday gift and I'm looking forward to receive it -not to mention how much some extra attention from Brutus is....desirable (yeah, desire, I think that is the right description for it).

I will add to the list as I come up with things -feel free to give suggestions!

OK, so let's start a list!

My Birthday Gift Voucher Wish List:

(in no particular order -for now atleast!)

Spanking/Whipping/Caning
Wax Play
Pain Play
Massage
Food & Wine (Hmm...maybe that lovely aubergine risotto of Yours? =D)
Snuggles!!
Sex (obviously!)
D/s
Bondage
Doggy (hehehe *grins*)
"Rough"

*LOL* At first I wrote; I can only think of one....well, that ended up not being the case didn't it? Can you think of anything I might like to add to the list?

Now I'm going to eat some birthday food and dessert!

It's my party...

....and I cry if I want to, cry if I want to...

Just for the record -I'm not! There's actually no party either *lol*

But it is my

BIRTHDAY!

Yup, 31 today.

Brutus is so sweet -if you want to know what He's given me head on over to His blog and check it out!

I hate being asked what I want, even more than I find it embarrassing to be given something -although gifts given "in kind" is a bit easier =P

My lovely friend Terror paid for our evening out last Friday; cinema and a couple beers -that I can handle too, and it was a lovely thing to do as well as a real laugh! Well needed for us both I think. Thank you my dear friend!

We watched In Time with Justin Timberlake -it was actually quite good! And Amanda Seyfried was actually quite hot in it too! =P Justin isn't quite my taste, not that he's ugly or anything *lol*

Anyways, today is my day -so Happy Birthday to me!