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Wednesday, November 30, 2011


There are different kinds of Doms, subs, domination and submission. 

There are Jackasses and fakes. There are Trolls. There are predators. There are those that truly think they are a Dom but in fact only are domineering or even right out male chauvinistic pigs. There are the same of subs. OK maybe they ain't so chauvinistic.
But there's also a small percentage of good ones, and an even smaller percentage of great ones. (I would put mine as the latter, not because He reads this blog but because I'm biased =P)

T1klish's post Selfless Saint or Jackass? inspired Brutus to write a post of His own -I love them both! (blogposts that is, I only love One of them ;) ) Their posts inspired this one (sorry to jump on the wagon! But I found I had some thoughts about it).

T1klish says: 

"One thing I've learned reading BDSM type blogs is that Doms are all selfless saints. Everything they do is for the good of their sub, and they miraculously know what their sub's needs are, better than the sub does."

The good ones does!

But not because they are all-knowing or superhuman or saints -but because they took the time to listen, to get to know their sub; what she wants, needs, likes, dislikes, tolerates and not. What makes her tick. What is she good at? What are her weaknesses? What does she need to work on? Work on to become a better submissive to Him, to be a better person for the people around her, to be happier with herself?

She goes on to say: 

"It just happens that the sub needs exactly what the Dom wants to give.

The Dom wants sex at difficult times for the sub - the sub needs sex at difficult times.

The Dom wants to cause pain - the sub needs pain.

The Dom wants to disfigure the sub - the sub needs to be disfigured.

The Dom wants to humiliate - the sub needs humiliation.

The Dom doesn't want to use a condom - the sub needs the risk of pregnancy and STD's."

Mostly. Sometimes. Yes. Mostly. NO. NO.
That's the answers in my own case. 

I will clarify:

-Brutus is my first Dom. He's defined me as a submissive. Not only as His submissive. He was the One that found the submissive residing deep within me -even if I looked for Him myself.

-I like sex. Simple. And considering I have no other responsibilities than Him when I'm with Him that is easy.

-I'm a masochist, a painslut some might say. I don't only like pain, I crave it. But not because He is a Sadist, but because I am a masochist. I'm lucky, we're compatible that way. The disfigurement ties in with that. This doesn't always mean I want it at exactly the same time as Him. Sometimes I don't. Sometimes we move ahead anyways and I find I did need it and came to like it in the end, often even coming out the other side being more collected and content. Sometimes not. Sometimes He let's me off the hook if I'm really not in the mood for it -or rather that I'm not really in any mood to take it, which in turn won't really give Him anything.

-I'm really not into humiliation - in fact as I've stated before- if something could break me that would be it! So I'm lucky to have a Dom that don't crave it (even though He likes it), because for me that is a show-stopper, it is the most solid hard limit I have I think, well apart from...let's say certain body fluids.And some other stuff. 

-I wouldn't take that risk for another person. Whether I use a condom or not is my choice and I would not have that disrespected in any way.

Like I said, I'm a very lucky girl. I have a Master that want what's best for me. That means that sometimes His wants and needs will be set aside if they collide with mine. Sound un-Domly? If you think about it it's not; He don't want to break His favourite toy. Also His submissive is important to Him and appreciated as a person,  not only a 'plaything'. I think (please correct me if I'm wrong here Sir, although I don't think I am) that the most satisfying part for Him is the fact that He has control over me and that He can use that control for good, to make me "better". Not only for Him, but also for myself. He feeds on me thriving. Especially if it is His doing.

Sir's post was more of a parody. It pointed out how the many different types of Dominants there are. In a comical stereotypical kind of way.

Both T1klish and Sir wrote of the Jackass Dom -there's plenty of them! Most of them I wouldn't even call Doms. Most of them just want a sub to be able to rule over someone without giving anything in return -basically having someone to fuck and adore them anytime they want in any way they want, no questions asked and nothing asked in return. There is no "giving back". There is no thriving.

There are plentyful and plentyful again of them on BDSM oriented dating sites. CollarMe for example. God believe me there are enough jackasses and trolls and pretenders on that site!! I can only say ONE good thing about it; I met Brutus there. I was lucky. The percentage of serious and good Doms is exceedingly low!
I believe the same goes for submissives. Considering there's about 10 submissives to every Dom (or so I've heard) the Doms must have an even harder time sifting through them all.

A "Good Dom" is not scared to show affection. A GD is not afraid to ask for help from His submissive with something where her competence is higher than His. Because He is secure in His role. He is confident in Himself. And He holds confidence in His sub.

As for all the rest they are just Jackasses in one form or another -this includes submissives with the same traits too.

Please note though, as the blog says in the beginning; there are different styles of Dominantion and submission, just as there is different types of Dominants and submissives. All that matters is that the two people match each others wants and needs and style. They need to be compatible.

Like I said I am a lucky girl; not only did I find all that in Him -He's crazy enough to love me as well! Crazy, crazy man... But I love Him too! Crazily so. So we're both a bit crazy I guess -only I'm certified  =P

Certifiably crazy and immensely happy and content. 
Jackass/Pretend Doms go screw yourselves! And let the good subbies find someone good to screw them  

With love,


kiwigirliegirl said...

So true my friend. But some Doms might start out being jack asses because they are basically learning, dont you think? Same with learner subs. Also its about their personality, i would think that a jackass is a jackass in whatever he does, a bully is a bully regardless. Its a shame there isnt a handbook for doms and subs - its a minefield out here in this way of life. A learn as you go kind of thing :)
Love and hugs kiwi xxxx

November 30, 2011 at 4:08 AM
Elder said...

OK melinda, I will comment quickly here because I should be getting ready for work. Tonight a longer comment:
1) melinda you are not ONLY my play thing. Ohh I love to play you, and you know it. At least you should have noticed I can?t keep my hands of your body for more then....... ahhh well, a few seconds :-D

2) melinda you start off writing about types of Dom's and end up flattering me so much I am almost blushing ;-)
How un-Domly is that!!

Kiwi, I Only partially agree with you. There is a distinction between lack of experience and being a Jackass. Basically they are 2 different things. But in any case lets assume you are not a Jackass and you make a mistake, you should notice it. And if you are not stupid you should get feed back from your sub.
If you are not a Jack ass, you should also be able to say to your sub: "It seems what we tried yesterday did not work". And if you really love her, you might even add: "I am sorry for that".
But I do agree that inexperience may be confused with being a Jackass. Specially if you engage in humiliation.

November 30, 2011 at 7:54 AM
Elder said...

OK that was not short

November 30, 2011 at 7:55 AM
Sweet girl said...

kiwi: i think you contradict yourself slightly here: "But some Doms might start out being jack asses because they are basically learning, dont you think? Same with learner subs." and "Also its about their personality, i would think that a jackass is a jackass in whatever he does, a bully is a bully regardless." You can't have it both ways ;)

But as Sir says there's a difference. Of course a beginner can be both *lol* But a beginner that is not a Jackass will realize his mistakes/shortcomings, admit to them and amend. You're not a jackass for getting something wrong or making mistakes, it's how you handle it and the attitude you have that defines that.

Sir: Oh how I love when I can make You blush! *grins*
And You know I only give credit and compliments where it's due.

You say: " melinda you are not ONLY my play thing." I know hence I wrote: Also His submissive is important to Him and appreciated as a person, not only a 'plaything'. ;)
Wow! Even Brutus can be longwinded =P

Love You -see You tomorrow! YAY!!! Puss puss!

November 30, 2011 at 1:13 PM
Elder said...

Me longwinded? That must be your influence.
Kiwi if I start arguing with you, then you know where it comes from :-P @ melinda

mmmm see you tomorrow as well, Puss melinda

November 30, 2011 at 6:08 PM
omega and mouse said...

Curious to know the different types of subs...


December 3, 2011 at 6:42 AM
Sweet girl said...

mouse, not sure I dare take on that hot potato -but I just might anyways ;) *lol*

December 6, 2011 at 10:06 AM

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