Eh,OK....that was....unexpected.

Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Eh,OK....that was....unexpected.

I just cried. We did mental bondage and I was spanked until I cried. That's a WOW! For those of you that know me you know I don't really do crying. It wasn't the sobbing snotty mess we've spoken of before, but it was tears streaming down my face, and yes they were streaming -for me, in my book that is crying, that is as much crying as....well more than has happened in a very long while I can tell you that.

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Warning: From here on it is TMI details, so for those of you that rather don't know the ins and outs of it STOP here.

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It all started with a laugh and a bit of pissing about actually. I was on IM chatting to a very nice blogger-friend of mine whilst Brutus was busy with a work call. When He was done He came in, and He and 'friend' exchanged a few words (by proxy mostly), then Brutus says: tell her that i'm not very good at typing and that you are resuming the conversation while I spank you. Whereby He rises up from His spot -which "accidentally" was on my bum- and collects the crop. Yes, that crop! The Crop. The Meany. And starts laying into me (well, you know what I mean). It was whack whack whack. *a seconds pause* whack whack whack! Whack! whack whack whack! The last few ones I'm squirming like mad, not only because it hurts, but mostly because I know where He's trying to get to -it's not my bum He is after anymore!

Of course I don't struggle for long -there's no point. We'll get there eventually anyways, and in the end I will like it. Well, OK...I will like the after effect, the actual pussy spanking just hurts like a mtherfcuker.

Me and 'friend' ended our conversation (her having very much fun at my expense! *chastises* ;) )
OK, so now I'm in for it, I know that. I'm told to roll over. *gulp* Yeah, I know what's coming. I know mental bondage was on my wishlist, and I find it very cool -it is F-ing hard though! But yeah, on my back I am legs spread and arms at my side, and they are to stay there! Sounds easy? It's not! You think a lash with the Meany Crop hurts on your backside -well guess then what it does on your privates.

I took it the best I could -much better than previously in fact. I don't know how many lashes we are talking about here but there were quite a few of them. I had tears pricking my eyes. I quelled them. I gritted my teeth for the last few and just held out. When Brutus crawled up on me to hug me and kiss me, and say sweet words to me like He always does, I considered telling Him. I decided not to. For some reason I found myself doing just that anyways, just a few minutes later. He asked if I wanted to try again, I said yes, so we did. Ohmifuckinggawd!itfuckinghurtsohpleasestop!ohwait!ouch!ohnodon'tstop! 
I felt the first few tears trickle down the side of my face into my ears (blah!) and I was surprised, I thought I had them under control, it didn't feel any different, the control I mean. It felt good though -not the Meany, the release, even though it had only been a few tears thus far. I was still fighting it the majority of the time. I thought about taking it as far as going to the full out snotty-sobbing-subbie but I couldn't speak. Brutus kept asking me how I was and such but I couldn't reply. He got His answers by yes and no questions where I could nod my reply.
After every few lashes or so He stroked me, touched me to make me feel calmer, to relax (Yeah right! Relax?!)
 (All the while my head was screaming: Why the Hell do You have to be so nice to me?! Whilst my heart just sank into Him and wanted more).
Tears were flowing by this stage and my mind alternated between just going with it, and fighting it. I still gritted my teeth and tensed up to keep it all in, but it was too late to succeed to 100%. I didn't really want to either. In fact I wanted to let go completely. Brutus said to, asked me to. I couldn't.
Again He cuddled me for a minute, I asked Him not to stop (the spanking). I hated it, but I didn't want it to stop. Or maybe I didn't hate it? I just hated releasing control.
He said we were done for tonight though, I was too red to continue. I was a bit bummed at that, but I think it was a good call. Not only for my pussy's sake. We cuddled for quite awhile after that. Me still softly crying sporadically, He holding me tight telling me I did well. That He loves me. That it is OK for me to cry in front of Him.
I know that. It's not really that that is the problem though -the problem is that I can't cry in front of me, myself. I can't let myself let go of that control of me.
It felt good laying in Brutus' arms hearing Him speak to me softly and caress my head and back. Several times He tried to lift my head to face Him. I might have let go enough to cry in front of Him -for Him- but I couldn't look at Him whilst doing it.

After awhile I could, once the tears had ended and we had great sex.
*grins*

Then we snuggled again. I felt quite refreshed. Happy. Lighter.
I got up and went to the toilet and then I walked back in the bedroom bouncing up on the bed all smiles asking Him if He wanted that cuppa now that He'd offered me during my after care. He did, so I skipped off to the kitchen to make it. And then I switched on my computer, and well here we are.

So, that was the end of my evening, how was yours? Equally good I hope.

Smiles and hugs and Good night -see ya tomorrow! (Well later today ;) )

With love,