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Saturday, October 15, 2011

My turn I guess

So...the day has come; I'm back home again. My own home. It's been a bit of a sad tiring day but I'm OK. This morning was a bit tough though. Last time I visited Brutus it was difficult leaving, I remember the anxiety creeping up on me in the car on the way to the airport. This time I knew it was coming. What I didn't think of was how I felt the first time after less than a week, I should've known twice the time would make it twice as bad. Oh well, can't think of it all.

As much as my chest was aching and my throat closing up the drive was beautiful. It was a bit chilly in the air, with the roof of the car down, but it was nice and refreshing at the same time. It wasn't dark anymore but it wasn't quite daylight either, and as we got about half way to the airport we got the magnificent view of the sun rising up over the horizon, giving it a warm golden red glow.

The closer the airport we got the more closed up my throat became (seems I managed to keep that one under wraps quite well though). Once there the car was parked and we strolled into the airport building and headed for the bag drop -where I managed my weight limit by a smidgen! Luggage checked in I hauled my rucksack on my shoulder, handbag in hand and we walked off and got a coffee. We had to drink it standing at "the bar", not the most relaxed pose but hey! I was far from relaxed anyways (I had another 10-15mins yet for that to even start becoming a possibility). Seeing since it was an espresso I was drinking it didn't take all that long to drink up, and I shakily did so.
I knew what was coming once it was done -but you can't really stall with an espresso now can you?!
So, the time came....

The time to say goodbye. Although it's not really a goodbye, it's a "see you soon!" (just not soon enough) This time I couldn't hold it in like I did the last time. I cried. More than Brutus think I did. But He is right; I did hold back, with every ounce of my being (apparently that isn't fool proof anymore though (someone -not mentioning any names- has opened Pandora's Box. Cracked the facade and now the paint is starting to flake [luckily I wasn't wearing any though!])

He lifted my head, kissed me and told me not to cry (yeah right! Because I wasn't trying that one already?). Could I look at Him? No. It took a few hugs and a few attempts before I could open my eyes and look into His. I wish I could tell you what I saw there, but I didn't really see at all.
We said our last goodbye's and I walked through the maze you have to walk through to get to the security desk (why do they do that? Is it safer than having a straight line or something?!) 
Brutus stood outside the cordoning about half way through it and I got a last kiss and a wave. After that I walked on and didn't look back.
I recovered.
I'm quite good at that, if I'm just given 10 seconds to do it.

So I go through security with all it's hassle and then I start browsing the shops; I figured since I still actually had some cash left I might as well see if I can find something for my aunt.
First shop I go into I see scarves, I was thinking Oh! it's getting cold back home I could get her something like that! One look at the price tags and I immediately changed my mind.
And that's when it started singing in my handbag, which meant only one thing; a text from Brutus. The jumping for the phone as I usually do when hearing His signal was this time mixed with a little bit of dread; I knew it would be my undoing (OK, what to do? I'm in the middle of a shop for crying out loud?!). I fished out the phone (eventually, after a lot of digging) and slid it open and opened the text message, it said: "good flight, puss, love you". And yeah....suddenly my eyelids were burning and needed to be flushed cool again (Sir, what are You doing to me?!?). I walked out of the shop.
A few breaths, 10 seconds (plus the 10-15mins "post-coffee" time) and i regained my composure.
I walked into another little shop and found a little painting for my aunt, from there on I headed to the gate.
Btw, why does it say a gate closing time when they never open the damned thing before that time anyways??

The rest of the journey is nothing really to write about -let's just say it was a bit of a challenge to get home a broken holdall of 15kg plus a rucksack of almost 10kg and then a handbag and the little bag with the little painting for my aunt in it, man am I glad I push weights at the gym!

So, this is me, back home.With love,


Elder said...

I am touched, you are sweet melinda...

October 15, 2011 at 11:27 PM
stumblingchi said...

Hi, Sweet girl

Your post reminded me so much of D and I when we were first together. Every time I left him, I would try so hard to be brave and hold back all but a few tears, then I'd trudge through security trying not to think about it, then head straight for the ladies room, fly into a stall, slam the door, sit down and really cry. Same thing with us, though, the texts would start, and that contact would get me through the rest of the trip.

Long distance relationsips can be extremely hard, but looking back I have to say it was worth it in the end. Just hang in there, because before you know it, you will see him again. :-)


October 16, 2011 at 12:50 AM
Sweet girl said...

Hi chi, I know you're right -it's so difficult though!
No bathroom stalls here -if I did that I'd never get on that flight (or even one in the near future I think!, no a few burning tears are difficult enough thank you very much. Yes, the texts are heart warming -even when they do things like push buttons that should be unpushable from afar (yes, i just made that into a word =P).
It is worth it chi, it definitely is.

thanx for the hugs :) (they're needed today)

October 16, 2011 at 1:04 AM
Anonymous said...

(((Hugs)))! It's so hard to be apart from the one you love and adore.


October 16, 2011 at 8:19 AM
Sweet girl said...

Thank you Kitty!
It is isn't it? But life goes on (as Brutus says), maybe I should hit the gym to get some endorphins going again? ;)

October 16, 2011 at 3:55 PM
kiwigirliegirl said...

"parting is such sweet sorrow"
love and huge hugs kiwi xxxxx

October 17, 2011 at 1:11 AM
Sweet girl said...

.....That I shall say good night till it be morrow."
l&h back friend :)

October 17, 2011 at 1:14 AM

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