My submissive journey: May 2012

"Stepping up"

Yeah, that's what a lot of ppl would be calling it.

Me, i prefer calling it getting back on track.

Sir and i continued the conversation that i posted about yesterday. It ended well, although it wasn't the easiest conversation we ever had.

I found this picture and i found it so apt. Without Sir's orange there's a lot of red and some black from my side.

I've been finding it difficult to communicate this. I don't actually know why. But i do know that trying to communicate by stealth or in roundabout ways don't really work.

Yesterdays conversation was much more private than the one before so this time there won't be no excerpts, but i can tell you that we talked about it and that we have both listened to the other person and come to the conclusion to try to get back to more like how we used to be. I need tighter control. More Dominance. Less freedom, and a lot less room to act out and speak out of turn.

And Sir did step up immediately. I continue to have Thursdays off and if i'm not sleeping at home that night i'm to inform Him of it. If i want to stay over any other night i need to ask. Same goes for not being at home at 11pm, which is our chat time.

I'm back to tracking gym, which i was hoping to start today but my daughter had other plans this morning =/ , and i am sure i will eventually have a quota to fill as well. Maybe get some new rules as well (?).

So starting off lightly but keeping it achievable and giving us both the chance to slowly accustom ourselves to being back on track again.

It seems like it's something that keeps creeping up on me every now and again. I know i haven't written much lately but when i have it feels like it's this that has been the main focus; submission. Not so strange in this blog maybe *lol*, but more specifically it's been about the lack of it.
My feeling of having lost touch with it. Not feeling it. Not acting it. Feelings of being untethered and lost.

Last night i was trying to explain it to Sir, not very successfully.

I think in metaphors -yes, like always all the time! *LOL* So i tried to explain myself by comparing myself to a balloon, more correctly, like a helium balloon.

Like a helium balloon on a (way too) long tether

Instead of me ranting on trying to explain i will recapture some of the conversation -which will make this post very long! I apologize for that-, it went a bit like this;

{just before we had spoken about me getting my flat sorted -it's in a state!- which is what lead to the following conversation}

Master: you see
so Friday it is

melinda: ok cool
thank you Sir

i love you

that means also no spanking till then

love you too

i know :)

{that comment was in reply to Sir's "love you too" comment}

so you need to be a subbie with out that melinda

i know Sir

can you do that?

i'll have to find something in its stead if it's needed i guess

indeed
or you will become ever more head strong and stubborn

me? never

ahhhh good then

guess you'll have to hit me over the head with a proverbial hammer then if (ehum when) i am

Perhaps i have to

perhaps you do

do I have to now?

now? like right now?

well today
which lasts one more minute

*lol*
ok then if it's for today =P

aah gone
*LOL*

you are counting on the day to be over before i get the hammer out

indeed

no Sir i'm just kidding

I know

seriously though, although i'm ashamed of it, i think maybe i do need a hammer

or a great big fuck off mallet

well tell me
since I cant hit you from here

well yes you can Sir, just depends what you use as a hammer/mallet
i mean it don't actually have to be something hitting me (even less a hammer =P)

indeed
OK you could put a paper clamp on your labia and then tell me what is the matter

spanking is good, it calms me and settles me, but that's more "in time"...preemptively though, your guess is as good as mine (or probably better)

nothing is the matter, and i don't actually know where they are right this instant

case in point

i don't know.....i guess i.....i think i need you more in my head (don't mean physical stuff is ruled out, but i mean as means of....correction or whatever. bringing back....me...?)

I think so a bit as well
partly it is because you have a lot more on your mind
which is normal
but you need to know that after you have helped your friend out and took care of all the other things, you have to respond to me

that's it though....maybe i need to anyways

need what

it's moved too low on the priority list

yep

respond to you....as much, always. regardless

I know

not meaning that i shouldn't "prioritize" other stuff, like my friend, just that it has to have a shared first place and not slide down to second
ok now i'm rambling
i'll shut up now

OK I have noticed that your friend is now on the first place, and that is understandable
she has greater needs
what you should know is that even if she is your number 1 priority you are still my sub

it doesn't mean that you, we, us, shouldn't be too though
thing is i don't really know how to
and i know it's unfair but i kinda need you for that

yes Sir i am
always

it is not unfair
I guess it is a test for me

oh don't say that, that sounds so ominous :|

no it is not ominous
if you are not feeling submissive I have to find a way for that
that is why I want you to be in private in the time we meet
OK I can live with Thursday {Thursdays are my movie night with Terror)
but you need to get TB in her own room
that is why I was nagging about it {the flat}

yes Sir

good
until then it is not easy
perhaps you should use astrid again
you have not for a while right

no that kinda ran out in the sand Sir

start putting the things in there you do any ways
and the room as goal
and i want you to track the gym again

yes Sir

good
can you set that up by tomorrow evening

i think so Sir

OK and cancel all outstanding activities on astrid
we start with a new list

yes Sir

good girl

i want to be

hey melinda, don't forget one thing

what is that Sir?

all this has a scope
and that is to keep you on the straight and narrow
and that is not going too bad at the moment
so don't despair

really? i feel like i'm on the M4

just go on the inside lane and floor it
never mind the gatsos

lol i thought i was supposed to slow down?
the what?

gatso
hey are you a london girl or not
is speed camera in the uk

hey i don't drive

true too
any way the M4 has a finitive length, so soon enough you will get off it

ok change that to E4 then (is it called that in all of Europe?)

(at least you did not take the M1, it goes up to Aberdeen)

*LOL* i know i used to live there ;)
M4 was simply because it rolls easy off the tongue *lol*

or the M25 which is a ring road
rolls also easy off the tongue

hmmm maybe M25 is more accurate

let's not shall we

feel a bit like a dog chasing it's tail

why?

(ie circles)

i dunno

great answer huh?
but i don't

now that is something else from being not a sub
but melinda from here you are doing fine
what is the matter?

ok....but what if you apply this within the section of submission?
and anyways...they all integrate

let's do the tail first

ok

you are helping your friend
you are doing a comp class
have a new home
bought a bike for TB
those are all constructive things
so what is bothering you?

*shrugs*

you have to do better then that

but i don't know what to say....

I was just going to say
you know you can tell me what ever you want...

i feel a bit like...like an (oh god how frustrating i forgot the word!), like one of them gas balloons

yes Sir i know that

so perhaps I should prick you with a needle

pssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssssst *makes deflating noise*

indeed

*lol*

oh i get so sick of myself

tell me melinda where does this comes from??

time? *shrugs*

hey listen you are doing this to your self
I love you, and over all I have nothing to complain about you

you are doing a great deal for your friend

i know you do,and i don't doubt it for a minute Sir

you should be mildly proud of your self

*lol*
mildly proud, that was new

you know i love you crazy?

I know and I am happy for it
and I love you crazy as well melinda

so dont forget I am not only your Dom, but also your shoulder to lean on if you need to
And I think it is not as much the submission at the moment that is the issue, as that you need that shoulder

now that you say it, i think it might be the other way around

like what
I need your shoulder
also

and it is always there Sir
always and forever

cool, ty
but tonight I am OK

and you are sulking and feeling sorry for your self
so what is it?

cheer up melinda

i wasn't sulking, maybe i am now tho

it was provocative
but you are feeling sorry for your self

no i'm not! feeling sorry for myself over what exactly?

well going in circles
not finding your way with your submission
it is all about definitions

i'm not bloody #####

but that is what I meant
*LOL*
It sounded a bit like it though

no it's not like that
nm

good then

so are you also saying you dont need a shoulder tonight?

i wasn't meaning tonight specifically Sir

so what do you mean then?

just...in general

can you be specific

specific about what Sir?

about what you mean

you said:
"so dont forget I am not only your Dom, but also your shoulder to lean on if you need to"

yes

maybe i need a bit less shoulder and some more of the rest?
i dunno
nm
i'll work thru it

OK
good then
not sure if I agree, but we will see

please explain

you are down beat for what I can see
you are getting drained
so you need to be replenished your self

yes
agreed

success

but....in more ways than one

OK I will give you that
this is where it gets difficult at a long distance

i dunno what to say Sir

I will tell you what:
first of all you should accept the support you get

are you there?

yes
but you said first of all...so i was waiting for the rest

OK
*LOL*
and I will think of a way to get you more submissive

it's not about that though. it's not that i don't want or need your support, i do -both! it's not about that though
ok let's put it this way;

OK
tell

i need that leash because i have forgotten how to walk heel
so without it i run wild
wilder than i feel comfortable with

OK

make any sense?

I did not realize that
the "running wild" you need to explain a bit better

i'm not sure i can....
let me think

OK
you think I go toilet
brb

ok i'm sorry i'm so annoying but i think in metaphors so i'll go back to the balloon

oh may i too?
i'll take that as a yes

back
yes

back too

wb
ty

OK
balloon?

oh yes ok
yeah the helium balloon
ok

OK
they float

ok a helium balloon on a short string don't really offer much resistance, it's not pulling and flailing back and forth in the wind like the balloon on a long string would

i feel like i'm floating
kinda
and flailing
and offer resistance

OK
I see

i feel.....all over the place.... ungrounded
i dunno
like i say....get sick of myself

*********************************************************************************

So that was that conversation....

So what does it mean?

I think it means that i need.....more.
More Dominance, more direction, more....more? More.

Needy & greedy, me? never!

*rolls eyes heavenwards*

*lol*

that's me

Back to being apart

i was looking for a little message to send to Sir. I didn't intend for it to sound quite so sappy, but it says all the right things, so sappy it will be!

I miss You already Sir, but i'm not going to be sad -because you managed to bring my spirits up, and the best i can do is honor that and keep it up =)
I do miss You though.

The surprise on display

And this is it on:

And as a little symbol for Sir, i left it like this

Guess who sleeps where ;)

Wide open

On my last post Sir commented on me posting in secret while He's sleeping. Although i do post when He's asleep (right now even) it has never been done secretly. I have never hidden or denied posts. It's all out in the open -like always.

Anyways, when Sir was writing that i was in the midst of making an apple crumble. The plan was (at least mine was) to have that then set up the movie and give the surprise. I forgot. We started the movie and i didn't remember about it until late in the movie so i waited for it to finish before giving it. Unfortunately that means it was very late (about 00.30) when He got it so there wasn't room for much use but it's been tried and tested and liked - by both of us :-D

I'll let Sir speak for Himself (nice subbie that i am right :-P).

Here's what the surprise was:

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ooops, never got posted last night..... *hits publish*

Surprises No.2

Remember Brutus' surprise for me?

Well this was it!

Let's look at it with a bit more detail shall we?

Yep you guessed it! It's that studded belt i brought last time i was here.

And i promised to tell you about the spanking too so i thought i might as well combine the two.
From the first day i got here we started maintenance -daily maintenance!
It worked well. Then Friday came and i got home only shortly before Brutus did, so i was not ready and waiting on the bed as i should (whether this was a transgression or not can be discussed, anyway it was not treated as one). Sir decided we should have a beer on the balcony first, it was a really nice evening, and we'd do the maintenance later on.
We had the beer, we cooked, ate and then settled in the sofa for the night.
The spanking never took place.
Nor on Saturday or Sunday. And it sure was noticeable! (Even with me finding my submission over the weekend).
Yesterday it came. The spanking -and a wholloping one at that! I would have taken twice as much had my bum allowed for it. As it is it didn't.

When Sir came home i was laying on the bed, naked, waiting for Him.
I'd left Him a note on the kitchen table telling Him that i was and also letting Him know of my day (transgressions and "Good girl points").
There i was, stretched out naked across the bed with music blasting in my headphones, waiting for Him. He likes that, me waiting ready for Him. He greeted me with a smack on my ass *grins*
And then some more before He left to get Himself more "homey". When He came back He told me the spanking would be mostly maintenance, but with a dash of punishment for my attitude and the transgressions i'd written of on the note.
I'm not quite sure when He used what, or even what He used but i think He started with His hand and the paddle-brush. When He stopped He told me that my bum was a nice shade of pink. I let Him know i wanted it darker. Now came the crop (i think), some more hands (and they are BIG! *lol*) and "the surprise" -oh and the shoehorn! I'm not so fond of the shoehorn, in fact upon being asked i've told Sir that i hate it, that i'd prefer it just for punishment -especially the loopy end! The actual horn is nasty, the loop is fucking EVIL! I got to feel them both.
Every now and again He'd stop and rub my cheeks (the ones at the back ;)), tell me He loves me and ask if i was OK.
Each time the answer was Yes, and each time i asked for more. Begged for more. I needed more. More, more, more.
So on He went. I would have taken as much and twice more if my bum could've handled it, as it were it was getting very angry with big hard patches appearing. Sir wanted to stop before the last round but i begged Him for more, just a little more. And a little it was. He told me it would be short and also i soon realized that as much as i wanted more i couldn't actually take any more, physically. Mentally i was feeling nice and relaxed and very much happier again. Still wanting more, but being sensible about it.
Ever heard of getting a leather arse from spanking? Well now i know what it means! *lol*
Or it was more like granite! Hard like granite looking like marble =P

Yes, not so surprisingly i have some bruising today -not as much at all as i used to get from far lesser sessions before though!- so yes today it looks a bit like marble. But hurts a lot less than last night. Tender does not even begin to describe how my ass felt like last night and this morning.
I also have this cream that makes bruises heal faster, or even prevents them (something every masochist/subbie should have!). Healing faster obviously means going through the process quicker, hence the change of colour comes much quicker.

It was good. It was needed. It picked up my spirits and improved my attitude. Tonight i'm in for it again *grins*

I also managed to get my own surprise for Brutus *grins wider* FINALLY!

I hope Sir will like it, shame only it's my last day here =(

But now there's a set at each of our houses ^^

Yes, i will leave it here, in hope of it coming to good use at a later date.

If you're really good i might even post a picture of it!

- after Sir has seen it of course ;)

Maybe He'll even blog about it Himself too, who knows.

surprises

If you read Sir's blog on the day of my travel here you will know He had a surprise for me.

He hoped for me to have this reaction

I think the reaction He got was more of a

*lol*

Now i had a surprise myself for Sir -although in true melinda fashion i of course forgot to pack it!
And it's proven difficult to get hold of a new one here -i am going to get it before i leave though!
Apart from it really appealing to me (and has for a while), i think it would really help my submission.

I'm looking for a slightly different reaction from Sir though, something in between

this

and this

hehehe

oh don't you just love contrasts!?

Have you guessed what it is yet?

Shhh don't tell Sir!

Lost and found

Sometimes you lose things. Sometimes you find them. Sometimes they just come back to you. It's amazing what can happen through sleep. And not even my sleep, but someone else's.
I found it -or rather it found me- in Sir's sleeping form.

We have this thing where we can sit forever just locked in an embrace. Usually it involves sitting on the sofa. It usually ends with Sir falling asleep and me holding Him up.
I love that. I've always thought it silly to feel that way, but now i understand why.
It's a form of service.
One way to offer my body to Him, to use myself for His sake. It's non-sexual but it's me being available for His benefit. This was a bit of an epiphany.
Usually the embrace starts like a bit of a snuggle, often it ends up in discomfort. For me that is *lol*
But it's a good kind of discomfort where the muscles strain and work to hold Him in a way that He is comfortable, to hold Him like He likes to be held, having my body close to Him.
And in this i found it. Or i'd like to call "it" "she". No i'm not schizophrenic. Maybe i'll manage to explain that one too a bit later.
But this is when she came to me, or came back to me. I don't think i so much found her, although i initiated the "search", but she rather reappeared. And i mean that she was just suddenly there. I instantly felt lighter, much happier and i felt....more content. Relieved. I felt a smile spread over my face and i held Him differently, without actually moving my hold around Him felt different somehow. It changed from lover to submissive.
Yes, she's back! She being the submissive in me. It's like my best friend has come back to me. It's odd. I've felt like this before; my submission come and gone, but this, this was so instant and so fully at a point with no other distractions that i can explain it.
My body was already wavering with the strain of holding my kneeling form up (the usual pose of embrace, not really much to do with submission, well apart from that i like sitting like that with Him) but now it was more or less quivering. Had i not been positioned so that it wasn't possible i think my teeth would've clattered. I feel a bit overwhelmed, but in the good way rather than the oppressing way i've been feeling lately.
Sir hasn't noticed the shift in me yet, He just woke up, but i think He'd be surprised if He saw the sudden shift.
It's amazing what can happen when you sleep -you might wake up to have your subbie back in full force!

*grins*

Yes..... yes this is a time for feeling victorious. And happy.
Yes happy.
Not to mention relieved.

After night comes day

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Ramblings in the dark of night

i don't even know where to begin. People often reply to that with a "at the beginning...", but what if you don't know where the beginning is?

I don't know where the beginning is, it's a bit like the chicken and the hen.

So I'll go with starting with the now.

Now....

Right now i feel lost. Disenfranchised. Detached. Irritable. Defensive. Maybe even a bit sad.

I'm sad because i don't want to feel this way. I want to turn to my submission and Sir when i feel lost, not away.

I want to wrap myself in the cocoon of safety i feel in it. With Him. Instead i turn inside myself. I seem argumentative. Obnoxious. And i am, i know i am. And i hate it. I don't want it like that.

I'm lost in some kind of twilight zone in between Vanilla and D/s. There's only one kind of Twilight that's good and it involves Robert Pattinson :-P

This however, this twilight is just confusing.

It's messing with my head and makes me feel lost and rootless. Like i'm not at home in either worlds.

I've come to realise how much i need Dominance. I need it to not float away into the abyss, get lost in myself. But also to be in touch with myself at the same time. The difference being not forgetting myself while getting absorbed in others, but not retreat inside myself either. If that makes sense.

I know i should talk to Brutus about this, but it's difficult. Not so much letting Him in (although it is an issue i have, not with Him specifically, in fact the least with Him, but in general). It's just that i can only put it into words when they come to me, like now. And always in writing. As i've said so many times before; my realizations come through my writing not the other way around.

The thing is there's so much going on just now that i don't even know where to begin.

I don't know what to do. What is right? What is most important? When should i do what? Like i said; confused. Lost. Floating more than being anchored.

I know this is probably not the most well written post i've done, i just needed to vent. Now, now I'll try to join Brutus in sleep.

Till next time....

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day 1

I arrived yesterday afternoon/early evening. The flight was a little late so Sir picked me up after all. Since i wasn't supposed to see Sir until the evening i wasn't prepared to do so, ie i hadn't groomed. So my visit started a bit different from how it usually goes. Also "the surprise" wasn't delivered as planned. But that's ok. I will write about that in a separate post, as well as the spanking received. The rest of through evening was fairly standard; sex, food, snuggles.

This morning i actually stayed in bed after Sir went to work, i actually slept till 11 :O

I'm once again in one of those tired periods.

I did get up this morning to make Sir breakfast though.

Sir came home for lunch, now He's back at work and i'm in town sitting on the steps to a church, writing this and basking in the sunshine. I need to do some shopping. I didn't manage to dye my hair before i left home so i have to buy that and get that done. Also i need to get some other stuff like deodorant and sunscreen. I didn't bring any luggage this time, apart from what i could take as handluggage, which means restriction on liquids.

Now i'm going tks bask some more then do what i have to do.

That was the quick update, more to come later.

P

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Going down

Three. Two. One! Tomorrow I'm heading back to be with Sir :-)

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Dialling

i had a really good post writing itself in my head this afternoon. It god disturbed by other.... let's say less pure thoughts *lol*
And as always with me; once thought it's erased from the hard drive =(

Had titel, some of the text, as well as images ready in my head. Not anymore. But i will attempt to write it anyways. It might feel a bit forced at first, because it will be, me forcing my thoughts to try to find their way back.

As you all know there's been a lot of vanilla between me and Brutus lately. I love it!
But i also miss the counterbalance. Yeah i guess that's exactly what i feel; imbalanced.
Everything we have done lately has been great -and was well needed and a very important part of our relationship development.
I love Brutus and i want Him to be part of everything in my life, not "just" the kinky parts. I want the whole Vanilla part too -it was great having Him here meeting my daughter, my family and my friends. It was so relaxed.
Well, overall it was. I can see a correlation between Vanilla and "brattyness" though. Not the Vanilla itself, but the lack of counterbalance that often comes with it.
It's taken awhile but i am slowly realizing just how much i need His Dominance. His control.
Our relationship has changed radically over the last year and i guess we kinda got a bit overwhelmed by it. Neither of us thought it would lead to this. Not this deep love that we hold for each other (i'm learning to handle the fact that it is reciprocated). So by no means do i wish that we didn't have this part of our relationship. I guess i just miss what was too. We'll get back to be more of both worlds though i am sure, neither of us can live without it, it's just been lying under the surface for a bit.

The big dial has been on us as a unit, as a couple. One of the small ones has been on D/s and the other one on daily life and supporting each other in it, as much as friends as anything.

Of course these 3 components should always be there, but i kinda need to make the big dial even bigger and fit in the D/s one there instead of it being on the side. I think we both do. But everything in life has it's time and it's cycles of different activity. I have no regrets, none at all -but i do think the (para)meters need to change a bit now.
To become more like this

More frequencies, more.... more layers. Or rather making the layers more parallel.
Vanilla outings. Being more strict. Meeting friends. Rules, discipline, behaviour. Being lovey-dovey. Being more courteous and respectful. Snuggling on the sofa watching a movie. Servicing. Asking permission. Going shopping. Tasks.
The list is endless, because we can have it all. We just have to be bilateral and 3Dimensional. Not neglect one or the other, even if they have different focus at different times.
I'm losing the grip on my submission and i'm starting to feel a bit lost, like i'm still in the harbour but not moored. It's not disappearing, i don't think that's possible, but i am losing my connection with it. And it shows in my behaviour -even if it's not bad, it's not brilliant either. And my attitude kinda suck.
It's easily handled though. As long as i am being handled. OK, so maybe not so easy then!

*LOL*

This is not a complaint, it's a..... a confirmation of loving what we have, a communication of a want and an explanation of my behaviour (by no means excusing it!).

I hope i haven't made a mess of it.

an average modern man

a complicated man
(aka The Dom)

An average woman

A (more) complicated woman

(aka The submissive)

melinda

(aka The Complicated subbie)

Sex

Sorry did i say sex?

I meant

The rest

OK, so i've told you guys about my little episode, let's move on to more positive stuff now.

We were really lucky with the weather, having mostly warm and sunny weather. The day Sir arrived was clear and sunny. I met Him where He stepped off the airport shuttle bus. From there we walked into the station and bought His travelcard and a coffee. From there we took the tube (metro) back to my place (man was that...let's say Sir is used to driving, not public transport *lol*). We walked the short distance from the tube to my house, where we settled in and had a nice cold beer. Well, mine ended up standing on the table for awhile while Sir enjoyed His.... ;)

After that we snuggled i think. We both love snuggling. Being close.
Later on we got a take away from the local Wok place.
I believe we watched a movie later in the evening.

The next day i got up and made us some breakfast, although i can't remember if we woke early or slept in. I don't think we did much this day, later in the evening The Brat came home, as i told in the last post.
This was Sunday.
The day after, on the Monday, The Brat was home from nursery, her gran was coming to pick her up in the afternoon to take her to the bonfire that is part of the celebrations we have the evening before May 1st. She'd stay the night there and come back home the next day.

Sir and i considered going to watch one too but we never got that far =P

The Brat came home on Tuesday evening and it was such lovely weather we walked to the park just a short walk from my house. It's like a huge playground. I invited my dear friend, that you know as Terror, to join us with her kids, and she did. So this was the first person that Sir met out of "my peeps". They seemed to get on fine, although i kinda went AWOL, as i tend to do when her son is around *lol* he's my "buddy". Afterwards we went back to my place to eat. Terror's kids totally fell in love with Sir too! *smiles*
My lovable Brutus

It was later when they'd left that Sir read a book for The Brat. Thinking of that still puts a smile on my face, it made me so happy to see them two all cozied up in the sofa having a laugh =)

I don't think i've done as much as Sir and i did in years! On the Wednesday Sir, myself and The Brat had an all day outing, it was a really good day. In the morning i had a meeting to go to real quickly, but after that we got some breakfast then we took the tube that took us to where we could take the boat out to the island (archipelago?) where the Zoo, the theme park and loads of museums are located. We went to a place that is dedicated to the books of Astrid Lindgren (you all know Pippi Longstocking right?). It was great, we all had a good time there. We ate lunch outside in the sunshine and checked out the gift shop where Sir bought The Brat a book =).

To get back into the city we took the tram and then we were going to take the bus from there to go to the City Hall. Only melinda has the worst sense of direction ever and never found the bus stop! *lol*
The Brat was too tired too we soon realized, so we sat down and had a beer outside in the sun at a place situated in a famous square (TB read her book, she didn't drink a beer *lol*).
It was lovely (although i think out of the 3 of us i was the one that liked the sun and heat =P).
After that we headed for dinner at my mum's! Yep, it was the "taking home to mum"-step. It went well. My mum is kinda laid back, we're not very formal in my family -actually we are totally not! It went well and i think they liked each other =)
My mum had cooked dinner and baked cakes ( i think she kinda wanted to impress Sir a bit *lol*).

From here Sir and i went home, whilst TB stayed with my mum a couple days, to let Sir and i have the last couple days alone and also so that i could take Him to the airport (in the middle of the night).

Thursday was the day of obnoxiousness. We went to the Old Town for the day. Shame it was Thursday, the munch i used to go to are held at a pub there, but it's on Wednesday evenings. Would've been cool, but there will be other chances =)
After our day in the City we headed home to Terror where i cooked us dinner and we sat down to watch Revenge (TV series Terror and i follow, you probably know it -please no spoilers!!).

I'm trying to think what we did the last day but it's failing me...Oh yes! We lounged most of the day then in the evening we went to Ice Bar, a bar where everything is made out of ice! Maybe you've heard of the Ice Hotel? We don't have the hotel here, but we have the bar in a hotel in the city. It was cool (no COLD! *lol* OK,bad joke. But cold it was, minus 5 to minus 8 degrees Celsius).
Then we went home, snuggled, finished watching a movie and then we cuddled up and slept -well, Sir did, i snoozed for about an hour. Then at 2.30am it was time to get ready for the trip to the airport =(

And that was it. That was Brutus' week long stay with me.
Now it's a week until i go see Him again *grins*.
Been a lot and frequent lately, but it will get a lot more difficult from here on =(
But for now we'll enjoy each other's company once again, the rest is later.

So i guess the countdown can begin right here, right now:

Sassy vacation

Both Sir and i have been very bad at blogging lately -for this i apologize!
I have not forgotten about you guys, i.... i just haven't gotten round to blogging. i guess i haven't known what to write. Which i suppose is kinda odd considering how much Sir and i have seen each other lately -and more is to come! =D

I think the week past has been the most Vanilla week ever for Sir and myself! Yeah i know, it kinda sounds like we're losing it right?! We're not -although going by my ~~behaviour~~ attitude this past week one might actually think that was the case!
I dunno what's been up with me. Probably a mixed bag of stuff, tends to be right? And maybe the...... extensive Vanilla flavour actually has some significance. The more Vanilla flavour, the more Vanilla sass? I dunno, just speculating here!

Sometimes those jaws catches its own ass!

I've kinda been....bad. Sassy. Huffy. Dare i say bossy?

Sir even said obnoxious -although here i disagree (again! Why not, it's the cause of it all, right? *lol*)
But wait! Before you run with it hear me out!

Let's look at the word o b n o x i o u s for a minute.

ob·nox·ious/əbˈnäkSHəs/

Adjective:

Extremely unpleasant.

Synonyms:

odious - abhorrent - abominable - loathsome - hateful

......actually, i retract. The more i look into the word, the more it fits -and now i'm r e a l l y ashamed!
OK, i might still call for the milder degree of the judgment here! But nonetheless, i will stand for judgment.

Unpleasant i was.

I wasn't being willfully obnoxious though, something(s) just didn't feel right. Well, i didn't feel right. It was not one specific thing. In fact i think the "reason" kept changing throughout the week. I must admit Sir was very patient with me -He was more than patient with me, more patient with me than i was feeling worthy of! Yeah, you hear me, right? Getting annoyed at yourself for being annoyed doesn't quite sound like a successful story ending does it? Well, that's because it isn't.
I was feeling overall irritable and touchy. Grouchy. Sullen. And it bugged me that i was acting it out. Which made me even more irritable and grouchy i suppose.

The day of which Sir has written a post about this was particularly true.
The day started of shitty with a bad dream. Not a nightmare or nothing, just a plain shitty dream that really got to me, and it stayed with me throughout the day.
I should have gotten punished for my behaviour. And i use the word 'should' because we agreed on it. Well, Sir stated it and i agreed.
It never happened. I'm not about to cry out that He didn't follow through or anything like that. I understand Him not doing it. He probably should have though, but that's not the point.
I knew i'd behaved badly, that is the point.
Paying a prize for your misbehaviour is not the vital part, the realization of it is. The rest is just 'tactics'.

I do think i need a spanking though. No, i know i do. Probably as means of punishment too. I think i just need a reminder of our positions and roles. Not for the fact that we've been really vanilla lately. That's not really it. But maybe i do need to get reminders during vanilla time that we're not only that. That there's more to it.
However, how i'm handled is completely up to Sir. Not only in what He thinks is best for me and for us, but also in how He wants to handle it. Both the situation and me. Both at the time and for the future.

But even with my obnoxiousness we had a lovely time.
I loved having Sir here.
And as nervous as i was about it, i loved for Him to meet the other people that figure in my life. Especially my daughter. The Brat absolutely adores Him!
At first she wasn't gonna leave her dad's car when he came to drop her off, i had to bend her out of it -only to an hour or so later asking me to ask Sir if He could read her a goodnight story!
Wow, was that funny!
One book, two languages, one Sir avoiding the 'private parts' pages of the "My body" book she'd chosen, and she flicking back to them *LOL*.
It worked out very well though -especially considering the language barrier! They make a cute pair =)
Which is terrific! It would seriously suck if they disliked each other.

Overall a very successful first appearance of Sir.
There's much more to write about, but i will stop here for this time.
More to come.

Buhbye for now!