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Sunday, May 20, 2012

Lost and found

Sometimes you lose things. Sometimes you find them. Sometimes they just come back to you. It's amazing what can happen through sleep. And not even my sleep, but someone else's.
I found it -or rather it found me- in Sir's sleeping form.

We have this thing where we can sit forever just locked in an embrace. Usually it involves sitting on the sofa. It usually ends with Sir falling asleep and me holding Him up.
I love that. I've always thought it silly to feel that way, but now i understand why.
It's a form of service.
One way to offer my body to Him, to use myself for His sake. It's non-sexual but it's me being available for His benefit. This was a bit of an epiphany.
Usually the embrace starts like a bit of a snuggle, often it ends up in discomfort. For me that is *lol*
But it's a good kind of discomfort where the muscles strain and work to hold Him in a way that He is comfortable, to hold Him like He likes to be held, having my body close to Him.
And in this i found it. Or i'd like to call "it" "she". No i'm not schizophrenic. Maybe i'll manage to explain that one too a bit later.
But this is when she came to me, or came back to me. I don't think i so much found her, although i initiated the "search", but she rather reappeared. And i mean that she was just suddenly there. I instantly felt lighter, much happier and i felt....more content. Relieved. I felt a smile spread over my face and i held Him differently, without actually moving my hold around Him felt different somehow. It changed from lover to submissive.
Yes, she's back! She being the submissive in me. It's like my best friend has come back to me. It's odd. I've felt like this before; my submission come and gone, but this, this was so instant and so fully at a point with no other distractions that i can explain it.
My body was already wavering with the strain of holding my kneeling form up (the usual pose of embrace, not really much to do with submission, well apart from that i like sitting like that with Him) but now it was more or less quivering. Had i not been positioned so that it wasn't possible i think my teeth would've clattered. I feel a bit overwhelmed, but in the good way rather than the oppressing way i've been feeling lately.
Sir hasn't noticed the shift in me yet, He just woke up, but i think He'd be surprised if He saw the sudden shift.
It's amazing what can happen when you sleep -you might wake up to have your subbie back in full force!


Yes..... yes this is a time for feeling victorious. And happy.
Yes happy.
Not to mention relieved.

With love,


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